tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post587378383011687883..comments2024-03-27T13:32:06.780-02:30Comments on The Other Side of Eighty: Conversational Booby TrapsWisewebwomanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15281689872840844191noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-73002106581536273202013-02-16T20:45:35.497-03:302013-02-16T20:45:35.497-03:30I guess this means I won't be inviting myself ...I guess this means I won't be inviting myself to visit you any time soon! Hee!<br /><br />I'll just have to dream ...Blondi Blathershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15656970490122824720noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-72128480688411876502013-02-07T02:12:56.268-03:302013-02-07T02:12:56.268-03:30One last thing and it is this: "to allow the ...One last thing and it is this: "to allow the abuser to abuse is to abuse the abuser" DON'T BE AN ABUSER LEARN TO SAY NO!!!! LOL Okay sorry now I really am done. Bye for now. LOL :DAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-39398260783337610582013-02-07T02:09:57.990-03:302013-02-07T02:09:57.990-03:30I love saying NO want to know why? because NO is a...I love saying NO want to know why? because NO is an enabling word, it enables me to do what I want when I want. It also helps to enable others to understand bounderies as many need to learn this finer lesson in life and I find that saying no helps these people to start to understand that. See as I said above (although I did spell it incorrectly sorry) just shift that perspective and the NO that you put out there actually helps the other as well as yourself, are you going to be selfish and not try to help these people just cuz they're pushy??? Awww come on that's not nice and if you are a people pleaser then please them by helping them to understand limitations...by the way you used to know how to say NO as every 2 year old goes through that phase so you just have to go there again :P LOL by the way I believe the universe will keep sending you these people until you learn to deal with them by saying no (remember you are helping them)and once you learn to say no they will disappear from your life, take notice I promise that will happen! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-37966212899621387012013-02-07T01:51:32.357-03:302013-02-07T01:51:32.357-03:30Frame things differently, shift your persepective....Frame things differently, shift your persepective...this is your friend's house NOT yours so you really have no right to say yes to Miss Pushy, say:"sorry if it was my house maybe but I cannot as this is my friends". Which is true you really do have no right. Regarding the videos put them in a place not in view, maybe under a bed or some such and you won't have to worry about it...but hey WWW come on honey what are you 60 something? time to get some cohones honey a person unable to say NO never really ever fully says YES they are flip sides of the same coin...think about that and you will find that it is true. You must be able to freely say NO to really embrace the loveliness of Yes, go for it hon', one little word when you know you should say it frees the soul... :DAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-29326476710842782712013-02-06T05:19:35.821-03:302013-02-06T05:19:35.821-03:30Well done on the saying "No" - it takes ...Well done on the saying "No" - it takes a lot of practice (I know I'm still no good at it!)<br /><br />With the person who "borrowed" the DVDs - first thing, you need to go to "A" and ask for them back (if you don't want an outright confrontation, then ask her how she is enjoying them, and that you really would like to watch them again yourself, as her borrowing them reminded you how much you loved the films), and if you get nowhere, then go to the friend who vouched for "A", and tell her that you are calling in that vouchsafe - she has given the guarantee, therefore needs to honour it or replace the items!<br /><br />If you are faced with this situation again, you can say something along the lines of "I'm sorry, but this book / DVD has huge sentimental value, and I'm unable to lend it to anyone. However, there is an excellent library just down the road (or however far) who will be happy to lend you the item."<br /><br />For F, you could say "Sorry, but the house is too small for additional guests. However, if you do want to come to Toronto, I can point you in the direction of some excellent hotels / guesthouses that aren't too far away."<br /><br />By providing reasonable alternatives, you take the "sting" out of saying no.Johttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17965300148218903639noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-72889191167750375432013-02-05T01:01:27.615-03:302013-02-05T01:01:27.615-03:30Veep:
Thanks for the recommendation. I would neve...Veep:<br /><br />Thanks for the recommendation. I would never take anything from your shelves. This lack of boundaries continues to astonish me here.<br /><br />But I said NO, loud and firm today much to the shock of the favour-asking person and I am still high as a kite.<br /><br />I will check out the book you recommended and thank you.<br /><br />XO<br />WWWWisewebwomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281689872840844191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-34886768799121971522013-02-05T00:59:26.925-03:302013-02-05T00:59:26.925-03:30Ramana:
I could never be rude to you, my friend. I...Ramana:<br />I could never be rude to you, my friend. I even give you my "Mugs". LOL.<br /><br />I am getting better though, see comment to Hattie.<br /><br />XO<br />WWWWisewebwomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281689872840844191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-23822626865806498802013-02-05T00:57:54.093-03:302013-02-05T00:57:54.093-03:30Hattie:
Very good advice. I am so taken aback by ...Hattie:<br /><br />Very good advice. I am so taken aback by others' rudeness that I am short of words. I need to practice a very firm no. And I did today. And I was so proud of myself.<br /><br />I was being inveigled into more *free* work and I said no, very loud, clear and the other person was completely shocked.<br /><br />I am still invigorated :)<br /><br />XO<br />WWWWisewebwomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281689872840844191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-42508695073589744742013-02-04T22:44:08.568-03:302013-02-04T22:44:08.568-03:30We share a common malady. Something that helped m...We share a common malady. Something that helped me a great deal when I was working with a group of people at MUN who were completely convinced of their own deification was a book entitled "The Power of The Positive No" by William Ury. One brief note from the description: "Never has No been more needed." (http://www.amazon.ca/The-Power-Positive-William-Ury/dp/0340923806/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1360030399&sr=8-1) Bonne chance and happy travels. Just tell your friend who wants to travel "won't work this time but thanks for the offer. She might get the message". Be well y'all! vpViewPoint2010https://www.blogger.com/profile/01220005318305605072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-43103921487755824672013-02-04T22:20:16.834-03:302013-02-04T22:20:16.834-03:30I know where you are coming from. I think that th...I know where you are coming from. I think that this happens to all of us at some time or the other, unless we are the totally rude types.<br /><br />Try imagining me instead of the other person and be rude. I would not mind.<br /><br />On the other hand, I think that you can use a different set of friends! Particularly friends without other friends who tag along and borrow discs.Rummuserhttp://www.rummuser.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-83067930991163824952013-02-04T22:05:37.534-03:302013-02-04T22:05:37.534-03:30You need better friends. There must be some people...You need better friends. There must be some people around who don't feel free to walk all over you. I don't think you said anything wrong to the person who thought it was OK to take your things like that. What a clod.<br />As far as the other person goes, you are not going to change your plans because of what she/he wants, are you? That is letting someone else control your life. <br />I would have no trouble saying that since I was borrowing someone else's house I could not let her stay with me because it would be discourteous and that furthermore I did not want to push it with said Toronto friend by asking if she could stay there. <br />I've known a few incredibly rude people of the kind you describe here, and I can't abide them. Hattiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13297404386730167834noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-68810567700283627682013-02-04T20:00:00.626-03:302013-02-04T20:00:00.626-03:30Enna:
Yes, the historic traits of our tribe need ...Enna:<br /><br />Yes, the historic traits of our tribe need to be cast aside and new language installed.<br /><br />Welcome and thanks!!<br /><br />XO<br />WWWWisewebwomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281689872840844191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-15705347996380478932013-02-04T19:59:02.532-03:302013-02-04T19:59:02.532-03:30Friko:
Two good moves, thank you!
XO
WWWFriko:<br /><br />Two good moves, thank you!<br /><br />XO<br />WWWWisewebwomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281689872840844191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-10343493864620197852013-02-04T19:58:12.114-03:302013-02-04T19:58:12.114-03:30GM:
Ah the ones with their own agenda, I think I&...GM:<br /><br />Ah the ones with their own agenda, I think I've pruned those out. Now to get working on the rest!!<br /><br />XO<br />WWWWisewebwomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281689872840844191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-72798374208577065002013-02-04T18:58:46.205-03:302013-02-04T18:58:46.205-03:30We irish need to stop saying -
"Ah no that&#...We irish need to stop saying - <br />"Ah no that's grand"<br />and start saying - <br />"Please don't take this the wrong way but..."<br />Very very hard!Enna Palednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-51076782998006954142013-02-04T16:37:28.039-03:302013-02-04T16:37:28.039-03:30Hey pushover. I am disappointed in you. You said n...Hey pushover. I am disappointed in you. You said no but your ‘friends’ were the ill-mannered ones not taking no for an answer.<br /><br />Nothing to do but remind the one of the DVDs and forget about the other. Don’t tell fibs, just say it really isn’t on for you to take a stranger into your friend’s house to stay. Basta! Blame your friend for being inhospitable if you really need and excuse.<br /><br />Frikohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04277167831642088694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-91234201872725940622013-02-04T16:12:23.101-03:302013-02-04T16:12:23.101-03:30I used to have a friend who was a combination of t...I used to have a friend who was a combination of the two you mention above. She was as thick skinned as a rhino and ignored subtle hints. She would come out with nuggets like "we only have X months to the wedding", I playing along would ask if she was getting married again. She was of course talking about Elly's nuptials. One Monday morning she phoned to know if I was ready to go shopping. Since we had no plans made I asked "why"? Her idea was that she would tag along while I chose my outfit for said wedding. So calmly I told her that I had other plans for the day and when I was ready to shop for my MoB outfit I wanted to go with Elly. I also reminded her for the umpteenth time that it would be a family wedding and I would be the only person travelling from Northern Ireland. I have not seen her since. Grannymarhttp://grannymar.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-65200140701342045792013-02-04T15:42:04.076-03:302013-02-04T15:42:04.076-03:30T:
She would haunt me. I just have to be firm.
A...T:<br /><br />She would haunt me. I just have to be firm.<br /><br />And great suggestion on the second!<br /><br />XO<br />WWWWisewebwomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281689872840844191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-16539037501555577442013-02-04T15:40:59.335-03:302013-02-04T15:40:59.335-03:30GFB:
I live and learn, excellent, without being r...GFB:<br /><br />I live and learn, excellent, without being rude back which was my main concern.<br /><br />XO<br />WWWWisewebwomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281689872840844191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-34863282241005703202013-02-04T15:40:03.437-03:302013-02-04T15:40:03.437-03:30Pamela:
Yes, busy rehearsing responses so not cau...Pamela:<br /><br />Yes, busy rehearsing responses so not caught unawares again.<br /><br />Thank you<br /><br />XO<br />WWWWisewebwomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281689872840844191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-86569885016417924672013-02-04T14:47:51.604-03:302013-02-04T14:47:51.604-03:30Little white lies can come in handy in these circu...Little white lies can come in handy in these circumstances, WWW!<br /><br />DVDs - Oh! I'm so sorry I have those earmarked for Mrs. X - I've already promised to take them over tomorrow. Maybe later for you?<br /><br />Toronto house: Oh my! It's such a pity, I'd have been so happy for you to join me there, but I've already arranged for (daughter, grandgirl, or other friend) to join me. Maybe next time?Twilighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14138621610593773784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-30456107912277229332013-02-04T13:19:50.732-03:302013-02-04T13:19:50.732-03:30Hi WWW
Example 1
Put the dvds back I don't...Hi WWW<br /> Example 1<br /> Put the dvds back I don't lend them.(firm voice)<br /><br /> my answer to dont you trust me would be to ignore the question and repeat the above (firmer voice).<br /><br /> followed by now get the %#$&^ out of my house.<br /><br /> In example 2 I would say "Hey, we will save that for another time."<br /><br />Glad you posted the problem because you have gotten good support from your commenters.<br /><br /> Government Funded Bloggerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14937389348779245666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-30180279667761451312013-02-04T12:45:25.682-03:302013-02-04T12:45:25.682-03:30My oh my gal, you need a bit of assertiveness ther...My oh my gal, you need a bit of assertiveness therapy (LOL). Get a really good, trusted friend to do some rehearsing with you, based on the incidents you describe. You could work up a few handy phrases (nice but firm) that you can use as "broken records" for such rude people. <br /><br />I'm gobsmacked that the two you mention just ignored your dissuasive responses. It's a shame you can't cross them both off your list. Lady Luz(Pamela)http://salamanderverde.blogspot.esnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-35464710673941739872013-02-04T12:37:03.496-03:302013-02-04T12:37:03.496-03:30Marc:
I hear ya. The second scenario is a bit more...Marc:<br />I hear ya. The second scenario is a bit more complicated in that funding of my theatrical endeavours is involved.<br /><br />The first, I sure missed the boat. I don't care if I ever see her again (except with my movies!).<br /><br />I am practising NO out loud today. :)<br /><br />XO<br />WWWWisewebwomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281689872840844191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14874528.post-29958549998102017262013-02-04T12:01:08.272-03:302013-02-04T12:01:08.272-03:30I've been where you are. It goes back to your ...I've been where you are. It goes back to your childhood. You want to be liked, and you're afraid that if you put your foot down and say "no" to these totally inappropriate and offensive requests, that the person won't like you anymore.<br />Question: Do you really heed this jerk's approbation?<br />Answer: If you do, I've just wasted my time.<br /><br />Good luck!Marc Leavitthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12400805396776788101noreply@blogger.com