Monday, July 30, 2007

Life's Like This

You have plans.
They change.
We change.
My friend B dies and I can't be at the memorial service.
B loved attention but his personally planned funeral is the Simple Alternative, no flowers, casket, mourners. Just a little service. A post mortem shock for those of us who know him and his fondess for centre stage.
I planned Part 3 of the Pornography Series. It hasn't been written yet.
I have a houseguest who is staying far too long but leaves this Tuesday. Today we entertained a disparate group to a midday "dinner" and she did most of the work.
The conversation soared and swooped and I was asked to read some of my short stories publicly. One particularly wonderful - and true - story told by a guest today involved a cross-dressing tough old cod fisherman. Tremendous Monty Python factor.
Since I had a dream about reading my stories aloud I am more than thrilled at the theatre possibility mentioned today. I've always wanted to read my work to an audience.
My article for the month of July didn't get written.
My shelter and food work is way behind.
I want to blame the over-extended guest but this would not be truthful.
It is my own disorganization and procrastination.
My own immaturity that cannot defer gratification.
We had some lovely days on the beach and I showed her my own stunning Newfoundland.
We played Scrabble every night by candlelight though I must admit to being pissed tonight when she got all her letters off twice and beat me soundly. Sometimes I feel I am three years old.
She is a very nice, intelligent, interesting woman but I struggle when people are around too much, I struggle with liking them. I realize my inner recluse needs a lot of attention and she doesn't get it when I have to host graciously.
I decided to build a small cabin way back on the hill on the property here. Somewhere to escape to and write no matter who inhabits the house.
I feel I'm on display in the main house. Newfoundlanders are very friendly, they love to pop in and see what's going on and think writing is a fairly silly pursuit and of no value when compared to boat-building or trench-digging. They wait for me to do something important like plant potatoes.
Blackflies are making a meal out of my head. I have lumps where I didn't think lumps were possible.
I have a gentleman caller who is a very alert and lively jean-clad eighty-five year old who makes bowls and incredible artifacts out of local trees. Exquisite work. He is full of stories and very courtly and gracious. I am enchanted. He moves like a man in his twenties and entertains me with lovely anecdotes. He also calls to hear my outgoing message on my telephone line when I'm not here. Sometimes ten times a day. He is unaware I installed call-display a week ago. He could be a stalker. But I think he is lonely and also thirsty for a paramour.
I also had an email from a very, very long-ago boyfriend who found me through my published work. He was very much in love with me at one point (egads over forty years ago) but, alas, not I with him, and this out-of-the-blue attempted re-ignition has piqued my curiosity meter.
R arrives here on August 11th and I find myself greatly amused that from an absolute dearth of a possiblity of a relationship over a month ago, there are now three.
Much like a dessert table at a buffet.
A veritable feast of choice. Or not.
But it is terrific to feel alive and savour the potential.


  1. Enjoy the attention Girl, It might all stop tomorrow.

  2. No truer words were ever said, GM. That's why I'm savouring it all with such relish.....:>)

  3. A wonderful snapshot of your current life. That's how it always goes, doesn't it, some things get done, some things don't, and instant pleasure so often decides priorities. What's important is it sounds like a very rich life full of unexpected experiences. Good to hear of your three 'possibilities'. Hope something ignites.

  4. Thanks Nick, but like my mother used to say, I can also fall between three stools!!

  5. I love reading the thoughts, observations you share on here. It made me want to ask you a few questions: Do the people you mention in your posts know of these posts and read your thoughts? Do you ever worry that they might come across and recognize due to details in them? I am only asking because I feel I could write so much about some of my experiences but am also not brave enough to put the people involved in through the embarrasement of it all. Like my comment on porn, if I write a post on my blog about it all, although I would be happy to share it with the world I would still be sick with worry that that my ex would eventually read it as well as others who know him but not of those intimate details. How to learn to be brave and write it without holding back some if not all.

  6. Hi Gaye:
    My blog is something I keep for myself and the general world and I do not share it with family or friends. It would defeat the purpose as even though I started out writing as a method of dealing with the madness around me (global warming, the invasion of Iraq, etc.), I find I am writing more personally now. Which happens to a lot of bloggers. I think I am below the radar for any random searches as I try and maintain anonymity both for my friends/family and for myself.

  7. Thank you and welcome back again. I have been reading your posts from the more recent back and look forward to reading more.
    I may have done he wrong thing by putting my name out there and names of places etc. Most of the people I know are internet savy. Not that I want to be completely secretive but I always am scared of upsetting or hurting people's feelings, directly at least. *chuckle*


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