Friday, July 11, 2008
Food, unglorious food...Part 3
A Life Deferred
Definition of insanity:
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
The thing is with most people who are not cookie cutter normal in the weight department and recognise that their food consumption is out of control - their lives become unlived. Everything is put on hold until that magical mythological day comes when, tar-rah, like Oprah in her size 7 jeans, life opens up afresh, life truly begins. All invitations now accepted, all courses now taken, all dreams now realized. Right.....
The problem is, of course, that it is that same person, the one who couldn’t look at herself in the mirror without grimacing, who occupies this now acceptable body. All the emotions, the feelings, the undealtwith baggage, are all still lurking inside ready to declare themselves at the first opportunity. And when they do, well, those niggling little voices have to be squelched real quick. And what better way than with a slice of cheesecake, or two or three. We can always go back to the diet tomorrow. But the monster has only re-awoken and the monster needs to be fed. Constantly. So the cycle starts all over again.
Obsession with numbers is also part of being an honest to goodness food addict. Calories consumed, calories expended. Daily, hourly weigh-ins, dress sizes, different scales, charts with graphs and goals on the wall monitoring the whole process. Tape measures applied here, there and yon. Total inches lost. Is that muscle? Maybe this could be a water gain. Yeah, that’s it, I should be on water pills. I retain too much water. Or back to Atkins and a steak for breakfast. Protein here we come.
There is no life being lived in any of it. Just a constant nerve-wracking state of anxiety, clothes that don’t fit properly, or clothes that do that look awful. Preplanning every excursion to the nth degree as walking anywhere can generate a sweat crisis or worse yet the need for a breathing break. Surveying restaurants so that getting stuck in a booth is not a possibility. Eating minimally and healthfully in front of friends and relatives with the thought of the private bags of food-swag stashed at home for later. As a reward for good behaviour. Pretending there is a glandular or metabolic issue with the body.
And then losing the weight all over again by sheer dint of will power. Don’t say that food addicts don’t have will power. They have it in spades.
The problem is with the weight off, there is nothing to replace all the food that kept those demons and monsters within nicely sedated.
And there’s the crux of the problem right there.
To be continued