Sunday, March 30, 2014

I have this girl......



Well, a girl she will always be to me. She's a middle-aged woman now. How did that happen? I'm supposed to be middle-aged. Well, late middle aged. OK then, a "senior". Senior what? Senior middle-aged. OK. OK. I'm an elder. This is what an elder looks like, feels like, behaves like, dresses like, walks like, sings like, talks like.

We invent our own elderhood. And a fine place it is. Most of the time. Compared to the alternative.

So this girl? This girl is Daughter #1. We've had our trials and tribulations. Oh, yes. Anyone who tells you they haven't had trials and tribulations and troubles and temper tantrums with their children are liars. Or disconnected. Or on drugs. Or in la-la land and don't know their children from the neighbour's dog. Or don't give a shyte. Trust me. Raising children or watching them raise themselves? It ain't easy. Best book I ever read on parenting was "How to Raise Children at Home in your Spare Time." I just Googled it and it's still kicking around. I know. Use me as target practice all you helicopter parents out there.

Anyways, as I was saying. Daughter has moved here. To accompany me into extreme elderhood. I never expected this. And I certainly don't feel I earned this wonderful proximity. We're not living in each other's pockets - she lives about 50k from where I live. Right where the whales come in - nearly on her doorstep. When she announced her moving here we all thought she'd last a month tops and be off on her travels again, to Peru, to California, to France. But she is loving it here. In spite of the weather, the winds tossing her house around all the time, the washed out roads, the snow, the cold. She is in love with the people, the community she's in, the slower pace of life, the clean air and it shows in every fibre of her being. She glows. She is happy. What more can one want for their child?

Today she brings over lunch, a gorgeous soup and a bread she'd made, gluten-free and with cinnamon and chili peppers and bokchoy built into it. Scrumptious. I cooked a pot roast with all the root vegetables on hand for our dinner. On the fire. We had a long walk as the day was glorious and the sea sparkled and we picked up our eggs from the chicken lady and talked to her for a while tossing stories around.

It had been a while since I felt so carefree. I wasn't going out much in this dismal weather. And it showed. I know it contributed to my recent depression. Walking and connecting with others and the outdoors is essential for balance.

Yeah, I have this girl.....

24 comments:

  1. I am so happy that your daughter is enjoying her move to your area. 50 km away is a good distance as well. Myself I am in momma's basement suite and it is sometimes just a wee bit too close. We get by though, the poor lady doesn't like anyone's cooking but her own so we have discussions over how she will be pretty hungry when I have to prepare all her meals if she doesn't learn to eat what is put in front of her. She says she will live on Ensure drinks.

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  2. I am happy for you to have your number one daughter close by. Doesn't always work like that. Geographically I am the furthest away (indeed abroad) yet, according to my parents, they have more contact with me, we speak more often and at length, than my siblings just round the corner. But then I am one of those people who always find time for their parents, and everyone else. How I do it? I don't know. I just do it. People come first. Everything else can wait. And will. Patiently.

    I agree with you that parenthood can be a wonky ride. Ask my parents. Both my sisters will not let them down on the occasional rollercoaster of their lives. Not that I myself haven't made their hair stand on end a few times. With worry.

    I hit the jackpot with my son. He made motherhood so easy for me I dare not mention it lest people think I am boasting. I am not. It's just a fact.

    Yes, WWW, as you say: Walking. It's a panacea. Both alone and in company.

    May the sun shine on you,
    U

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  3. Today, on the last day of this long dreary month, March has found the lamb to depart with. Every window is open and the birds are singing their hearts out.

    I am hoping we have turned the corner allowing our hearts to soar, and eyes to open to all the good around us! Enjoy the love, hugs and shared lunches with daughter #1

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  4. Aw, that's just fabulous! What a wonderful gift to have her so close.

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  5. Cheri:
    One thing I have learned is that we can never look down the road. Daughter and I had bumps along the way in shared dwellings, etc. But we seem to have arrived at this wonderful peaceful spot today.
    (It helps I like her cooking and she likes mine :) )
    XO
    WWW

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  6. Ursula:

    I think I've hit the later-in-life jackpot. I don't feel as I've earned it though. But Daughter is at a spot where she sees my single mom struggles as she's had her own and there is a fresh understanding and cohesion about our shared journeys.

    Lucky you indeed!

    XO
    WWW

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  7. GM:

    One word.

    Snow.

    No three.

    Snow. Snow. Snow.

    Thanks for the good wishes.

    XO
    WWW

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  8. SAW:

    Yes, it is and I think the best part is not taking it for granted.

    XO
    WWW

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  9. Lucky you! My girls are so far away...

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  10. How wonderful for you both! I moved and now live with my daughter, son-in-law, and 12 year old grandson, and am so happy that I did. My daughter and I had some rough times when she was younger --but we've all grown up since then.

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  11. Wishing you and your daughter well in this new relationship. The food sounds wonderful so that is a good thing--a daughter who can cook!

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  12. Oh so lucky
    you are
    I miss my girls and son
    but
    my lifestyle is not what they want at this time.
    Can I be
    envious :)

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  13. Hattie:

    Yes I am and I don't forget it!

    XO
    WWW

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  14. Elaine:

    It is so wonderful when we can all grow up together, yeah? :D

    XO
    WWW

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  15. DKZody:

    Welcome and yes we both love to cook though my daughter has dietary restrictions but I benefit from this also :)

    XO
    WWW

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  16. OWJ:

    Of course you can and you never know what can happen down the road, I was taken by surprise at her perma-move here.

    XO
    WWW

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  17. It says much that you have such a great relationship with your daughter. You are truly fortunate. But then, perhaps it's no more than you deserve?

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  18. RJA:
    How sweet of you to say so. This one makes up for the ones I don't succeed with in spite of my best efforts.
    XO
    WWW

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  19. She's moved over to accompany you into extreme elderhood? Good grief, I didn't know you were that old! How lovely, though, that she's only 50k away and she's fallen in love with your chosen country.

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  20. Nick:
    How long would you think we have to live? I think anybody past 65 would be into the bonus years of extreme end of life. I could be wrong in this assumption. But I think tagging it extreme gives a sense of urgency to our lives we have been sadly lacking. I speak for myself :)
    XO
    WWW

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  21. Oh my god, WWW, I so wish I hadn't read your response to Nick. I don't do the maths - trusting in my genes. But there are things I need to catch up on, urgently - not for my benefit but the Angel's. It's only Wednesday and you have put the living fear of an unknown future into me. Thank you. Better get my skates on as the years appear to be rolling by at a speed normally to be found on a German Autobahn. Soon I'll be 100.

    See you in hell.

    U

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  22. So pleased for you WWW. Long may it continue. Lx

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  23. I have just had a few wonderful days with my daughter who currently lives just 40 minutes away. She was here and I was there. We never run out of things to talk about. We are lucky, aren't we? My word at the end of one of our days together is "gratitude."

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  24. I am happy for you. Having a daughter at home, albeit an in law, has made a great deal of difference to my life style and comfort levels. Can you picture the changes that a bachelor household underwent with one addition?

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