Saturday, May 10, 2014

Etiquette - Blog and Otherwise.


I stopped responding to comments. Is this good blog etiquette? I don't know. Some of the blogs I love don't ever respond to their commenters. Some respond directly via personal emails while others are meticulous about responding to each and every comment. I was. But I find that mentally I've moved on from those past posts lately. I don't want to put my head back there, you know? Do you think that's rude?

A former fiancé died. I think I mentioned him before. A question about that too. I found his daughter had posted pics of him in the few months before his death. (I don't know her). Memory-shaking photos in showing his deterioration. And in my decluttering here I found some nice photos of him. His daughter, I would imagine, has no inkling of who I am. Would it be alright, d'you think, to send her on pics of her dad in the peak of his youth, his joie, his handsomeness from a former "friend". I don't know how else to classify myself.

My mother was a stickler for etiquette. She said it was all about respect. Everybody was more at ease when they knew the proper social rules. That way there would be no nasty surprises or ugly sounds or smells. One of her rules was you never arrived as a guest in a place with your arms the same length, even if it was just an apple or a facecloth or a bun to honour the host. I've passed this on to my daughters. I think of her this weekend as it is Canadian Mother's Day. I think of her every day of course but more so on anniversaries and days of significance.

Picture above is of me at 11 months, dying to launch myself off her lap and on to bigger things. She encouraged me in that and was so supportive of all my endeavours.

Thank you dearest Mum, your voice often echoes in my head.

40 comments:

  1. Personally I like getting responses to comments as they prompt further reflections about what I commented on. I've known a few bloggers who don't reply to comments and I've usually stopped visiting because it seemed like the comments didn't really matter to them, they just wanted to sound off. And yes, I'm meticulous about replying to comments myself.

    I would think it's okay to send those pics, I guess she'd like to see them and she would appreciate your sending them.

    "With your arms the same length"? I've never heard that one.

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  2. I respond to comments providing I have an email address to respond to. Sometimes I have to think a bit about how I will respond and then it may slip my mind for a while. I really do think it is a bit uncaring not to respond, especially if a lot of thought is put into the comment, but If it is just an off the cuff remark I can understand not responding. The nicest correspondences can be a result of them. You don't owe me a response on this one. :)

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  3. OWJ
    I was a post war baby and only grandchild/niece so I got all the ration coupons and was carried everywhere so I was completely overfed and quite spoiled :)

    Thank you!

    XO
    WWW

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  4. Nick:

    I guess non response would have my mother up in arms at my manners.

    Point taken.

    XO
    WWW

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  5. Ah but I will respond. I have been thinking about this and commenting is polite and mannerly so I will continue to comment.

    When I can and don't feel time-pressured. I should add I read and savour all commenters :)

    XO
    WWW

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  6. Huh, a 'sticky wicket' it is...both issues. Do you respond....I've thought about that meself lately, for reasons largely unknown, I get a lot more comments nowadays. It's a mystery.
    And as to the second...man, that's a toughie. Who know's how she would respond...a paramour she's maybe never heard of. I guess depends how old she is, what she's like, blah. My oldest would be curious and receptive, my youngest maybe no, she might still have an image of me.
    Be curious which you choose.

    Enjoy your blog.
    Mike

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  7. SFM
    Thanks for your insight. I have the photos beside my computer, ready to scan but something stops me. He was a hopeless alcoholic at the end and died in care (on charity), rather an awful ending.

    Yes, it would be taking a chance. I'll mull some more!!

    XO
    WWW

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  8. I just read a week or so of your posts. Truly wonderful writing Mary! More relaxed? Something.
    I have a friend who says "When in doubt don't". Could you write and ask if she might like to see the photos?
    take care,
    Betty

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  9. I should respond but I usually don't. I'll try to do better. It's so much effort to get a post up. I just sigh with relief and go on to the next one.

    You should absolutely send the pictures. I would love it if someone would send me photos of my father or mother when they were young.

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  10. I missed your responses but thought you probably had a good reason! I think I too would tail off commenting if there was no response - it would feel as if I was talking in an empty room. No pressure though!

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  11. I thought you were busy at the moment. I am pleased when people take the time to comment on my posts and like to show my appreciation by replying back. Mind you, this week I may be a little slower to do so.

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  12. Mary:

    I start with the assumption that the blogger wants to have a civil conversation. I respond.

    I. If my response is ignored, depencding on the blogger and the subject of the blog, I assume that: a.) The blogger is a busy person, working alone, who would be overwhelmed by the obligation impoxsed on him/her to respond, or b.)Is someone who wants to shout, spout and vent about his/her latest itch.

    II. I would send the photos anonymously.

    III. Manners matter.

    Cheers,

    Marc

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  13. You don't ever need to reply to my comments, ok! That's just too much trouble for us bloggers.

    But I had to comment to your comment on my blog. I've been living a life of guilt for 27 years believing I was the only bad mother to ever climb in a playpen to get away from her kid. I'm so happy to meet another one! Happy Mother's Day.

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  14. Difficult one, WWW. Agree with most of your previous commentators that comments start a dialogue.

    I sometimes joke that my posts are a hook and the real conversation (for me) is in the comment boxes. And it is. I don't answer every single comment, mainly because I get sidetracked and I yet have to find those hours in the day to double up on the first 24. But I do cherish those who take the time to put in their own pound's worth.

    And then, see your mother, there is courtesy. Having said that there is a blog, and you will know who I am referring to, I will faithfully comment on (her blog so very very interesting) knowing full well that there won't be any feedback. Though she will give amusing and thoughtful insights in other people's comment boxes.

    "Feedback" - Echo by another name. Few forests will be revisited if there is no echo. Unless, of course, you are deaf.

    U

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  15. what happened to the little black cat you mentioned on FB?

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  16. I certainly appreciate comments and since I get so few I like to reply to them.
    I look forward to your comments particularly.

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  17. It is your blog and you should do what you think is best. I respond to every comment that I receive on my posts. I also comment on posts where the blogger does not respond to comments.

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  18. I adore witty or pithy comments
    I respond to those in a flash....
    Having said this I can't think of a pithy or witty comment to leave on your blog

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  19. First point: I have long given up replying to comments; I’d never get anything done at all if I did. I make every effort to visit commenters’ blogs when I can. Not every time either. There’s just too much to do.

    I think the daughter would be happy to have pictures of her Dad. Anything that reminds you of someone you loved when they are gone (she must have been fond of him, otherwise she would not have posted pictures of him, would she?) will ease the pain a little.

    My Beloved, being an English gentleman of the old school, believes that good manners and social niceties make life more pleasant. I think so too but don’t always follow his rules. I never (rarely anyway) want to hurt anyone, but I am more direct and truthful than your average well brought up English person.

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  20. I don't often respond to blog comments via e-mail but do on the blog itself.
    Oh, and I'm sure those photos would be appreciated.

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  21. Betty I love your idea, I will write to her and ask if she'd like.

    And do a follow up post.

    XO
    WWW

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  22. Anne:

    I'm going with the response to comments for now unless it get so very busy, which it does now and again and then it is a choice of new post or response.

    Selfishly I'll do new post.

    XO
    WWW

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  23. Enna:

    I hear ya! Look at me responding :)

    XO
    WWW

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  24. GM:

    Yes you are meticulous and I do admire you for that, sometimes life gets away from me as it has recently. I will update everyone on what has been engaging me very soon. :)

    XO
    WWW

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  25. Marc:

    I just love your calm tolerance and acceptance.

    XO
    WWW

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  26. Sandy:
    I'm telling you girl, best decision I made for me that time. I was demented from them. I didn't care about the trashed house one bit.
    Good to meet another awful mother :)

    XO
    WWW

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  27. Ursula:

    I too enjoy the comments and take advice and listen to other similar stories. Like Betty above telling me to write the former fiancé's daughter. Excellent as I wouldn't have thought of it at all.

    And your blog is always packed with interesting comments.

    XO
    WWW

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  28. Sharyn:

    Still hanging about. Daughter is thinking of taking her/him if she gets within reach. She is agile and smart and small. I see her on the roads which terrifies me.
    But so far, I'm not interested in adopting, if she stayed outdoors I would as we have shrews to deal with. A working cat in other words.

    XO
    WWW

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  29. GFB:

    I will continue to comment back and comment on yours. Thanks for you feedback :)

    XO
    WWW

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  30. Ramana:

    yes I've noticed that about you, I will endeavour to straighten up and fly right in future:)

    XO
    WWW

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  31. John Gray:

    I must come up with a pithy for you.

    Thanks for visiting!

    XO
    WWW

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  32. Friko:
    If I had as many comments as you I would probably throw in the towel too as it would be a full time job!
    I get that, there is a comment breaking point and you are waaaaaay beyond that.
    But I do love your comments on mine :)

    XO
    WWW

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  33. Hattie:

    I have to catch up with you. My Old Reader tells me you have been furiously posting so I need to catch up :)

    XO
    WWW

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  34. I like the notion of random meetups/msgs in crowded tubes.

    Also, as previously suggested, send an email about those pix before you send them. I'd want them and I'm pretty sure you would too. But just in case.

    xoxo

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  35. Yes, point noted about message first.

    XO
    WWW

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  36. Your blog invites interesting comments. I enjoy that. When I started blogging it was not routine in my small circle to respond to comments because we were visiting each others blogs regularly and had ongoing conversations that way. I rather like that way of doing things because it gets me "out and about" to visit and see what others are up to.

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  37. As you know I generally don't respond to comments unless I feel they require a response. It can be very time consuming and often there isn't much to add to the commentator's remarks. I do appreciate them, though, and read every one. Your blog is different from Sparrow Chat in that it is much more chatty and conversational. I tend to just complain about the state of the world in general and politicians in particular.
    I think we have to accept each blogger's time is limited, and respond when we can. Equally, no-one should be put out if they make a general comment and no response is forthcoming.

    As for the photos, I leave that advice to those of your commentators who are wiser than I.

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  38. I think its a personal decision about whether or not to respond to comments. I do, but only because I like to. I figure out which bloggers do and which don't so I know where to go back to read the response.

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  39. I'm very bad at responding to comments (just as I'm very bad at keeping up at blogging!) - I do read them, but am feeling very thinly spread at the moment... I am similarly bad at emailing / replying to emails and writing letters!

    I love the "never arrive with you arms the same length" phrase - that's one that I'm passionate about (it actually really bothers me when people tell me not to bring anything!)

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Some of you are having trouble, I've removed captcha and verification so we'll see how that goes. My apologies. Blogger is putting up far too many roadblocks. Thanks for the emails alerting me.
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