Sunday, September 21, 2014

Intensity


When I was growing up emotional extremes were a defect of character. As if I could change my intrinsic nature. Even though at times I wanted, badly, to toughen up.

Yes, I feel life too intensely. And my feelings are often worn on my sleeve. Or shut away so tightly (you might see the real me, you know) that it hurts.

Like those quilts in the wake-room. All hand created by my friend Patricia. Thrown over every surface, every chair. Every piece of scattered fabric in her life tied together so beautifully, so creatively. Colours of the land and the ocean and the boats and the wonderful drenching of colour that residents flood their buildings with. All you had to say was "I wish I had one of your quilts" and next thing, she was on your doorstep with one.

Picasso is honoured. Why aren't these handcrafters of such beauty so respected? Women's work of course. There should be many female only art galleries, flooded with the colours of the creations of artists like Patricia. With knitting and embroidery and weavings and crochet and lace. And many, many quilts.

It seemed like my floodgates opened today. I had been locking so many tears inside me, for what seemed like a month or two.

It was Jennifer Johnston who started it. I am reading "The Gingerbread Woman". And it struck chords. And more chords.

Life is about loss, isn't it? Mainly the loss of what went before. What formed us. What ignited us. What sustained us. What we leave behind. She writes of this like no other I've read.

And I had myself a really good cry.

17 comments:

  1. I agree, patchwork quilts and quilts generally are works of art and should be valued as such. A few years back I saw a fabulous exhibition of quilts in Dumfriesshire of all places. And I once had a couple of gay friends with an equally amazing quilt collection.

    I think female only art galleries would be great. Any number of neglected women artists might finally get the recognition they deserve.

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  2. Feeling life too intensely - I used to think it a fault, a failing. Now I don't. And floodgates for tears - yes, I have those, too. Occasionally they open. Afterwrds, though, the pure pleasure of emptiness!

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  3. Nick:

    Women artists tend to be overwhelmed and squeezed out by the accolades (and value) attached to men's artistry.

    Something that needs correction.

    A lot of these gorgeous creations are a dying endeavour.

    XO
    WWW

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  4. Pauline:

    I'm waiting for the empty and scared of it at the same time.

    XO
    WWW

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  5. Great post as usual...

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  6. We need to use the term 'Needle Art' instead of needlework!

    WWW, as I always say: Tears are salty, salt is healing. Be healed, my friend.

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  7. GM:

    Yes, the term needle art is all encompassing. Salt is definitely healing. I wish I knew how long until the boo-boos leave me :)

    XO
    WWW

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  8. Beautiful quilt as much as I could discerne, eyes and all that.

    Is life really about loss? I'd have to differ on that....I've lost more than a few in my almost 7 decades. My wife for one, good freinds too early, and friends apparently at their time, older than me.

    I've also lost the ability to hike 10 miles with a heavy backpack, dunk a basketball, and probably though not tested, to place a central line in less than a minute.

    I miss them all, but my life isn't about loss, tomorrow the sun will come up, it'll be fall in Montana.

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  9. I've been to several exhibits of quilts - in those exhibits they were presented as art like any other art.

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  10. I do not agree with you that there should be "women only" art galleries. All that'll do is widen the gender chasm by drawing more attention to it.

    As to tears. Yes, they should be shed freely. The moment I start to worry is not when they flood but, and this is happening increasingly, when they won't. All you have is big fat lump in your throat - swallowing.

    It is wonderful to find people like you who are passionate about life and make no secret of it. However, that passion comes at a price. A price well worth paying. As benefit/value goes I'd say it's a bargain, even cheap. Yet the most precious. Try and tell that to those whose bar is set high at the stiff upper lip.

    U

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  11. Ursula:

    The gender chasm is more than wide my dear it is a vast global space.

    When women have autonomy over their own bodies and lives, globally, then I will concede.

    Until then. Tears. Many.

    XO
    WWW

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  12. SFM:

    Yes, of course we gain, experience, fresh new days, skills, heightened awareness, but all of it is eventually lost. To me at least.

    Not that I'm morose or pessimistic. Maybe I've lost too much?

    XO
    WWW

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  13. SAW:

    So have I but more of this art, in all its forms, needs to be exhibited.

    Socks, baby bits, etc.

    XO
    WWW

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  14. Oh my
    I read this entry and relate
    so to you.
    Feelings are the same.
    So many losses
    and my home is filled with my
    mother's creations - that I do not know how to do - or cannot
    sit still long enough to do :)
    My oldest daughter from Tampa, Florida,
    soninlaw and my special grandson
    from Washington, DC. with me this
    weekend.
    I cried when they arrived and cried when they left.
    So many memories and I always wonder will I see them again.
    She is returning for my birthday
    next month. First time ever to do this. Wonder what is on her mind....
    Special thoughts from this one
    go forth to you.

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  15. OWJ:

    I too get caught up in the intensity of such times. When I said goodbye to my siblings a few short weeks ago I thought: Oh the loss if anything happened.

    Treating every time like the last time is good I find, makes me more present in the moments.

    Enjoy your time with the fam.

    XO
    WWW

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  16. I have moments where the love of friends lost and time without them is just too heavy to bear. The floodgates open and the tears come, and then inevitably those dearest ones come to me in dreams. Those times together are so real that I can remember every detail. That is the gift....

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