Friday, September 23, 2016

Know Thyself


I'm buggering off for a while. I need to regroup. I found myself a small farm way off somewhere in the middle of absolutely nowhere and booked in for a week. A small farm? Well, a change from the constant seascapes which are stunning, but I felt change, even in surroundings, needed to happen.

I thought of lurking here with the car hidden away and curtains drawn but at my age that could be misconstrued quite badly and white coated "helpers" might not be far away. I'm packing my unfinished manuscripts, some reading, some knitting, my journal. I didn't even check to see if there was internet as I don't care.

On the one day off I had in a MONTH (truly) a dear friend barged in and said it was an emergency and could I divest myself of my pyjamas and dress up a bit and go across the bay with him to sign off on some really important documents for the lawyers, it would only take a few hours.

And something snapped in me. I felt I had only one remaining nerve ending in my head and he had crunched it. Nothing to do with him, I still love him dearly but when your calendar has been crawling with crap for 4 weeks straight and there's not even a day you can call your own in your favourite pyjamas the precipice yawns.

And the grief. Too much of it. And the health, still shaky. And families out here on the Edge, they are all so tight and supportive of each other, never seen the like, adds to the sense of tribal isolation at times. And becomes unreasonably magnified

I may not do well on my own, driving over 600k to the farmhouse (and back, I trust) but I'm ready for different surroundings and being alone with my writing. And reintroducing myself to me. Being alone with words. Being alone to write my inner outwards. There hasn't been time to reflect in yonks.

I need that.

So desperately.

22 comments:

  1. Take what you need, and disregard the rest.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not even sure what my needs are Tom. Need to redefine. And fine-tune if I'm lucky.
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  2. I hear you begging some rest and a change of scene. I do hope you get both. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank E. Either that or I'll go mad. Here I am at the moment trying to organize a choral concert in our town before I leave.
      LOL
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  3. Good luck with your rural retreat. I hope you come back fully invigorated.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Do it
    and I need to do the same thing
    but really my living by the woods supplies most of this
    if I would stay off of computer and not answer phone :)
    Perfect here but do miss the water.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, Perfect here too, Ernestine, just constant demands on my time and resources. Too much.

      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  5. I understand that need. I have a small house where I go occasionally, and I can literally be there an hour and feel the peace move in. I hope your retreat does that for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have a small cabin way up on my property but they find me, they do.

      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  6. Go for it. I understand that need to do your own thing even when it worries others. My friend of 88 likes to hang fairy lights outside her kitchen window all year round as they cheer her up at night. Her son comes over from Manchester, tut tuts and takes them down. She has an easy manner and doesn't call him out; its enough for her to report it to the rest of us with a smile. She does put them back up again though when he goes home! Bon Voyage xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good lord, sonny knows best. She is super tolerant. I think I lack her patience though I perform rather well with probably a clenched chin, or something clenched in annoyance, LOL.
      Thank you, I desperately need to remove myself.
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  7. good idea. some days I don't get five minutes uninterrupted. I'm ok with it and do get to tai chi class and out for coffee with a friend. a lot going on at home with big changes in the sights. have a good week in peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm probably older than you Sharyn and as we age the tolerance leaks away. Due to time running out probably and so much more creative stuff to get done.
      Tai Chi is marvellous, I did that in Toronto. Would like to get it going out here.
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  8. Safe travels to you. May you find the time and space you seek to regroup and recharge. Thinking of you ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Sharon, I'm pretty desperate and oh yeah the fall is magnificent here. So driving through it, etc and then landing in a place with acres of trees will be balm for the spirit.
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  9. I look forward to hearing how the time alone went, often longing to do the same, myself, even though I have lots of solitude and space in my everyday life. A change of place can create a change of perspective. I hope yours will be enriching and strengthening. xo Kate

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kate, I live alone, and truly alone now without Ansa but still, the knocks on the door, the demands for me elsewhere, the tourists, all of the above have left me direly in need of time alone, alone. I know you understand that.

      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  10. Relax and enjoy yourself. Return refreshed.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Such a lovely thought - a week away in unfamiliar surroundings where you can focus on yourself! I'm catching up with your blogs - life seems to conspire against solitude!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Such a lovely thought - a week away in unfamiliar surroundings where you can focus on yourself! I'm catching up with your blogs - life seems to conspire against solitude!

    ReplyDelete

Some of you are having trouble, I've removed captcha and verification so we'll see how that goes. My apologies. Blogger is putting up far too many roadblocks. Thanks for the emails alerting me.
wisewebwomanatgmail.com