Wednesday, May 03, 2017

Scrutiny


This morning, I read in my Tao meditation book (always fortuitous these readings) that problems are never solved in a small room but rather on a mountaintop looking down. Yay I say unto thee and all that.

Looking at my life from a mountain top I see the beach stones are many, the rocks overwhelming and the trees overgrown.

Whittling is a frightening thought indeed. So I look at what my needs are. Not my wants. I want far too much for a small space. Now that I'm scrutinizing and evaluating and sometimes tearing up a little, I began to bag up possibly a 100 journals of my life to date. A friend will burn them in his burn barrel. We may have a small ceremony, that would be fitting. My collection of silver and old china is another story. We can all get sentimental about old stuff, long dead relatives presenting the Waterford crystal, the country auctions of acquisition when the kids were small and fascinated with the bidding. (I had to fill a four story century home - I don't use "fill" lightly, I knew auctioneers by name and could nod briefly to show I was still in the game). Stuff that has trailed me around.

I thought the times of 12 around the dining room table at brunch are gone, ditto dinners for 8. So dishes? 4 mugs, 4 small plates, 4 large plates and 4 bowls. Notice the absence of cups and saucers, passé, my dears. Ditto for cutlery. I graduated to all matching only 4 years ago when I opened my little B&B. Before then it was quirky.

Candles, candle holders, I look down from the mountain top and say: choose 2 out of the collection of 20+ and make sure you have a place for these two, I recommend small but beautiful. You must visualize them in use and where.

I have decided I am taking this narrow in depth but tall and wide bookcase, handmade and gifted to me by a carpenter many years ago. It will fit in the hallway from the front door. There I will lodge movies I love, books I love (mainly reference)And that's it. Everything has to fit in this bookcase. Right now I've spread everything out over 4 large bookcases.

So that's it for now. I'm being firm with myself.

And yeah, life is very busy and full which I enjoy, though the mind is willing and the flesh lets me down more than I'd like. I tire very easily. This does not suit me but I do pay attention.

I'm hoping to get approval for a beautiful hiking trail in the town tonight. It's a long held dream of mine. And the spot is magnificent.

So fingers crossed.

21 comments:

  1. I hope you are happy in your new home WWW. You've had a long string of losses and moving is, in itself, a stress. But no more guests like the man who would not shut up about his own magnificence (LOL). "Tiny" will be easy to care for, and any time you *want* company it will be close at hand. I'm a faithful reader, just don't comment often, would often like to simply send a warm hug of support. All the best from Calgary.

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    1. Thank you Deb for your kind thoughts. I will never forget "R" either. Pale privilege is something to behold and I ran across it again last Tuesday at a bank. I am still capable of being gobsmacked by it.

      I feel my life will open up more after September. I could be wrong.

      XO
      WWW

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  2. That trail proposal sounds marvelous...Just keep telling yourself tiny is easier. It can be! Hugs and meow from the furry one.

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    1. Oh, definitely easier once I get used to it, no question. I just hope the four walls don't close in on me.

      XO
      WWW

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  3. Are you sure that I did not write this post :)
    What you are doing I have done several times and continue to do. Still too much here but continue onward. I admire you
    and feel so close in spirit. Now, most important - my computer, camera and books. Do not like having help as always so independent and now once again this morning have
    to have a driver for nurse visit and making a list for them
    to pick up items when left off. I can drive but getting in and out of car not easy and fear of falling again continues.

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    1. Ask your doctor (or community nurse?) if there's anything like this available to you. See "view all programs" and "view all workshops". Sometimes it's all in one building, and sometimes different aspects here and there. For ex, the dietician might be at your doctor's office, but the workshops at the "PCN". Sometimes your own doctor can help you access it through your health insurance, either universal, or private.

      Free, or minor charge.http:

      http://edmontonwestpcn.com/Pages/default.aspx

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    2. Yes, you need to take care of you at all times, Ernestine. Falls are catastrophic as I witnessed in bad fall and in others which resulted in death in once case and serious disability in another.

      I resist asking for help too and when I mentioned this at a meeting last night I was astonished at the hurt faces that were turned in my direction. Newfoundlanders love to help. And act as if they're the lucky ones once you ask or agree to take what they offer. It is just hard for me to accept such unconditional generosity.

      XO
      WWW

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  4. I can't help but feel this is a very exciting time for you. Well at any rate, it is exciting for me to read about it.

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    1. Thank you Annie. I will hold those positive thoughts. I'm a bit all over the place with it all, ying and yang.

      XO
      WWW

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  5. Yes, the trick is in being firm with yourself.

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    1. I agree, and the old trick is taking pics if that's important before you toss.

      XO
      WWW

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  6. You seem to be tackling the need to whittle down very seriously, and not letting too much sentiment get in the way. My mother was the same when she decided to go into sheltered housing. The contents of a large four bedroom house were rapidly reduced to a very small list of essentials and she didn't waste any time regretting what she had discarded.

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    1. Very good Nick, your mother is an inspiration. I know some elders who tossed everything including photos and just bought everything new with none of yesterday's baggage. I'm not that extreme :)

      XO
      WWW

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  7. I heard from a friend today how her mother, when moving countries as religious persecuted peoples often did, her Mennonite mother took her Ukrainian/East European wedding headpiece, worn many years before in Uraguay. Of all the things the mother had to leave behind each move, and not allow her children to take (a daughter's beloved doll was left behind) mother packed and kept her wedding headpiece. Daughter and mother found them together recently, but mother could not remember anything about it, as she is sadly cascading down with Alzheimer's. We may keep things or not, but what about our memories? If only we could be sure we'll have "kept" those.

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    1. I so agree Anon, memories are the most precious of all.

      I love this story.

      XO
      WWW

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  8. You sound to be on top of it all, WWW, already - both physically on that mountain top, and mentally in your planning. :-)
    Congrats on your very down-to-earth visualised plans for a small proportion of your treasured "stuff". Think of the reduced amount of dusting and cleaning there'll be! YAY!!

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    1. That too T, though I must say I can't exist without a cleaning woman which Daughter now pays for as a gift (apparently I did same for her back in the day but I can never remember any of my gifting, I keep being astonished when people tell me what I gave them).

      So my Emma has offered to come into the city and shovel me out every few weeks. She comes in for grocery shopping so not to worry about travel costs, she says.

      I keep thinking how well looked after I am, even when I'm poor, LOL

      XO
      WWW

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  9. We don't have many heirlooms and such, since we've moved so often and don't really have the taste for fine chinaware and silver. I do like it when my cousin sets a pretty table, but it's not my style, which one might kindly call "casual."
    What we do have is too many books and lots of miscellaneous stuff acquired at junk stores or second hand! We are working our way gradually through this, and the place is looking better.
    We don't want to get minimalist, though. That can be a mistake.
    I hope your plan for the walking trail goes through!
    Love, Marianna

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    1. Yeah, I'm a junk store fanatic too, where do you think I got a lot of "heirlooms", LOL?

      I've recently stopped, but oh lard it's been hard. Though I gave myself permission to go around and stroke stuff.

      No I'll never be a zen person with a zen house, like one cushion on the floor on an expanse of shiny space and nothing else. No, not me at all.

      XO
      WWW

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  10. I moved from a 1600 SF house, with a basement the same size, to one that is 1200. And added more people. It took a lot of purging but I can't say i miss anything I got rid of.

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  11. OMG Wise - you may have just talked me out of moving! My Barrie apt has 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and a den with a huge balcony overlooking the lake. I have been thinking to move to Toronto where I can live in the Manulife building for the same amount of money with about 1/3 of the space. I am on the waiting list. Would never have to breath fresh air again if I didn't want to. But its about my books and books and books - so many not read and never will be read. I can't bear it even though everything is on this screen in front of me. Don't be too strict with yourself - you can always dump some stuff when you get there and find them in the road ..... can't you?

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