Saturday, September 09, 2017

Prequel

Yeah, my last post. In the way of enlightenment for you, my faithful readers, a lot went down prior to writing it and in that way of mine, I take inordinately long to process things, to say "whoa, this is too much right now!"

It's life, I know that, and life sucks the bag sometimes.

OK so the list prior to my black discing was, and I should mention, not in any order of priority:

(1)With all the interest in my house, once the Cathedral next door hoves into view, even though they've seen pictures and they've raved about my house, inside and outside, they can't bear how the Cathedral cuts off the western light and towers, threateningly, over my driveway. There is no way of knowing the noise and/or traffic to yet be endured once it's complete.

(2)Meanwhile, the nail pounding on its interminable and unpredictable construction goes on and on. A lovely chorus when you're already feeling low.

(3)I came back to the news that my friend/worker/general factotum for lugging of wood and heavy objects around, had been banging on my door for days not understanding that I was away in Daughter's car. He had something quite awful happen to him and wanted to talk to me about it. Long story short, he wound up in an ambulance having attempted suicide. Nobody went with him and the hospital believed his bending of the truth that he didn't know pills and alcohol are a deadly mix.

(4)I was surprised when my friend D called to tell me my friend L had asked for my telephone number as L and I talk frequently. L and I connected and I didn't address this, I was too scared, I guess. My fear was borne out in the shape our conversation took. There were huge gaps in her memory, serious gaps, of our last conversations when she was reviewing some legal matters with me and a policy had been put in place for going forward. She had no recollection of this and was startled when I went over everything in point form with her. She then referred to a friend's daughter by my daughter's name. Terror hit me full on. Her mother, a darling woman, had Alzheimer's at my dear friend's age. I cried after the call. I feel so helpless as she's in another province and truly, there is no one looking out for her.

(5)It's Ansa's one year anniversary. More than that, it's the way the year has gone and galloped underneath me and I think: I've cried every day for her, how foolish is that?

(6)My legs were bad in St. Pierre, the shooting pains, the lack of ongoing mobility. I had to take far too many breaks. Daughter is a saint, so patient and kind. I am lucky. But worried about the deterioration which is magnified by the rest of the stress.

(7) Absolutely no B&B bookings for September, zero. So no income.

So there you have it.

My sorry little tale.

I reflect on how little we can do to change things. I think I'll abandon all the horrific news from around the world. It's not just Irma and Harvey, it's Tibet and Mexico and Montana and B.C., et al.

End of Days indeed. Am I exaggerating?

You?

31 comments:

  1. Hello from Texas. You know, I think the weightiest word in the English language is "perspective". You have reminded me AGAIN of that fact. Here I was, feeling down in the dumps. After reading this post, I am ashamed of myself. My world got a whole lot better. Please hang in there. We can't give up. Why not? I don't know. I guess we have to cling to the hope that things will improve?

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    1. Yes Rose. We hope things will improve. Are you near Houston? Our fragile planet seems to be imploding so many are finding it hard to find the "bright side".

      The small things, the tiny things, settle me down for a while.

      XO
      WWW

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  2. Morning, Mary. I was hoping my comment was a "tiny thing" for you. I am watching Irma. Really frightening! I have been thinking for a long time that what we need is some national disaster to bring us all together to cope. Something where the rich and poor are all equal. Looks like between Harvey and Irma, it may be happening.


    I live in the Dallas area, so am not directly affected, but my heart is very much involved. Just like it is re the people in the Mexican quake. And those people who are living nightmare existences all over the world. I am fortunate indeed. Hugs to you.

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    1. This islands wiped out, the fires. I keep thinking "genocide" because of corporate interests run amok. But it is ever thus. Mining in Africa. Weather in India unmentioned in MSM. Big Liar Spicer schmoozing with Hollywood elite.

      A mad, mad, mad world indeed.

      XO
      WWW

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  3. Alzheimer's is a terrible thing. I guess most people of our age are scared they'll succumb, and worry that every little lapse of memory could be the first sign. Especially if your memory is poor anyway, as mine is. But there's a lot of promising research going on into Alzheimer's, so hopefully a cure will be found before too long.

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    1. It's only a terrible thing for those who bear witness. Most victims are unaware which is a good thing.

      I worry for my friend who is unaware and her family (2 sons) who are fairly detached from her.

      I've racked my brain to no avail.

      XO
      WWW

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  4. No words of wisdom here, just...I'm sorry. That sounds like a perfect storm of misfortune -- too much all at once. As someone else commented, hope is paramount. And as you said, even little things that are good can help.

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    1. There's a lot of wisdom in "stick to my knitting" at the moment, Carolyn, LOL. Keep moving.

      XO
      WWW

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  5. WWW - I've come back to read this again and I again say to myself - how much more can this poor woman take? Life is being really cruel to you at the moment, all those things you've listed are enough to give anyone the heebie jeebies.

    Yes there's the old saying - God only gives you as much as you can take, but I think at times you don't really care what God says.

    Anyway for what it's worth - I'm thinking of you ~ Cathy

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    1. Thanks Cathy, it's hard not to worry, to get depressed, to think is there any way out of this mess for all the worries.

      I knit, I read, and I write and think: in another year this won't matter one little bit.

      XO
      WWW

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  6. This too shall pass. Me? Nothing has changed except that on Friday and Saturday I had to go out and walk around a bit in difficult terrain and also climb up and down two flights of stairs which gave me sore calf muscles. Rest yesterday and today and I am almost back to normal. That is how life is!

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    1. Thanks Ramana, yes this is how life is. Had some laughs at my Book Club yesterday, got in touch with my internal witty me. It was great. I like events that reinforce who I really am, and not this bowed down, oh-woe-is-me version.

      XO
      WWW

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  7. I don't have any special insights or words of wisdom. I can only acknowledge that you have certainly been inundated and most of us would be feeling overcome with so much happening, all grouped together.

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    1. And I didn't mention Grandgirl in one of the most dangerous places in the world then. Not now, I am grateful to report, but then. It didn't bear thinking about.

      Thanks Linda

      XO
      WWW

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  8. I'm pleased that you've felt well enough to write this, WWW - and hope that just the act of putting it out will, in a small way, lighten the load.

    “When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions” I often quote that one because it so often seems true - as it does for you, now. Doesn't help much though, sadly.

    I sympathise with your leg problem - I have a milder form of it myself. I take some tablets to help the blood flow more easily down there, they don't seem to make much difference though.

    A year is not a lot to grieve for your lovely Ansa. Anyway, I believe that as long as you are thinking of her (or of any who've gone before), her/their essence remains, as comfort and as source of an odd kind of advice from your subconscious. I do it with my long-gone loved ones, and it helps - once the tears have dried.

    {{{{{WWW}}}}}

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    1. Thanks T. Your good thought help and yes, writing about it always dilutes it somewhat, you know?

      Onward us wee soldiers, giving a privilege that many of our generation haven't received - living on into our seventies and eighties.

      XO
      WWW

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  9. As far as crying over Ansa goes, I still cry sometimes over a cat we lost in 1979, so I wouldn't worry about grieving a year. Their little souls are in such sync with ours, losing them tears a fearful wound.

    May some of the friends you've lost beam a little sunshine your way in gratitude for all the love you shared with them while they were here on this earth.

    {{{{WWW}}}}

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    1. What lovely thoughts, Deb, thank you. I thought my daily crying would be over and done with by now. But no. I think I grieve for all of it. This fragile planet, the losses and the unclear future :(

      XO
      WWW

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  10. Replies
    1. I'm still here, Hattie, as are you. This day is all we have, truly. No guarantees, as you well know.

      XO
      WWW

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  11. Hard times indeed. Chin up old girl and all that. Wouldn't it be great to be a wealthy person who could swoop in and solve a friend's financial woes? It is to dream.

    You'll always miss Ansa, and she deserves to be missed, such a good friend she was. Two of our dogs are buried under the spruces in our farmyard and it's nice to know they're there. Here. Still here.

    Be well. Be happy. Pulling for you.

    -Kate

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    1. thanks Kate. There are bright spots, of course. I may yet write about them.

      XO
      WWW

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  12. I echo every single thing Blondi above me said...plus my own good thoughts coming your way from Ohio.♥

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  13. I do it with my long-gone loved ones, and it helps - once the tears have dried.



    เย็ดสาว

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  14. The Irish in you will keep you going Wise - its a real bitch though isn't it? - that god damned building! Who owns it - maybe they would buy your place? Just a thought -do you suppose? Keep your pecker up kid!

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    1. Oh yes that's the whole plan, BB. Devalue my property so they get fire-sale price. They do it all the time.

      XO
      WWW

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  15. I'm so sorry. That's a bad run. Wishing a turn-around and brighter days ahead for you.

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    1. the one good thing about being so far down is there's only a one way sign ahead, SAW.

      XO
      WWW

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  16. Catching up to you. Sounds as if you are managing a major transition and will come out of all this in much better shape.

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