Friday, March 09, 2018

Opposites

Or Mini-Meditations.

I do this regularly and almost subconsciously now. But it really helps me stay away from negative or worrisome thinking.

When I think: ooh I'm cold, I immediately think of when my chimney was no good for 3 months back in the old house and how every time I jacked the electric heat I'd worry about the ensuing power bills. And I smile. Gratefully.

I was moaning combing out my far too long hair this morning after showering, as it knotted and pulled and then thought: Others would kill for your hair, yes it's thinning, but imagine combing a sparseness, hairs you can literally count. Like so many I know. And I smile. Gratefully.

I was brooding over a friendship gone south (I thought) and feeling angry and upset and lost. And then I thought of all the happy, joyful times, and the kindnesses given and received during its long stretch and I smiled. Gratefully.

I had a long session with my young friend who is going through stuff no one should have to suffer. And I was raging for her and the ex-partner who treats her so badly and then I said: "You know I had a dreadful beginning to my sobriety, hell on wheels, everything went wrong that could. But you know what happened? I recognised it was my past catching up with me like a tsunami and now I also recognise that I had to go through all of that without picking up and my life never ever got that bad again because I learned some amazing lessons and made some marvellous life friends who support me through thick and thin, warts 'n all. And I promise you, it will never, ever be this bad again if you don't pick up." And she smiled. Shakily, gratefully.

I brood about Missing Daughter. Of course I do. I'm an expert brooder. I could give lessons. And then I focus on Daughter #1, present and accounted for. Who treats me so well and so honourably and respectfully. And I smile. Gratefully.

See what I mean?



18 comments:

  1. As well you should, says herself, smiling gratefully and happy to be above grass typing even though ill. Did you know gratitude changes not only outlook but your brain? Read that in a surprise gem of a book by John Leland who spent a year with a half dozen over eighties...

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    1. I'm not surprised E. I would make gratitude lists and fine and dandy but it's uprooting the negatives with positives I find more effective.

      XO
      WWW

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    2. Yes, I think that was the point of all those over eighties as well. Despite challenges, losses, pains etc, they found unique ways to be happy, nothing about gratitude lists but profound gratitude. A list is only a baby step.

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  2. Is this an Irishism or an islandism? re picking up and pick up:

    "I had to go through all of that without picking up and my life never ever got that bad again because I learned some amazing lessons and made some marvellous life friends who support me through thick and thin, warts 'n all. And I promise you, it will never, ever be this bad again if you don't pick up."

    I'm not getting the meaning.
    Maybe I need a third cup of coffee?
    -Kate

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    1. Ah I did mention sobriety a few rows down. Picking up means not picking up alcohol or drugs when things go spare or sideways. An easy thing for a newly recovered addict.

      XO
      WWW

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  3. Thanks for the wonderful post. Because of you I will feel more gratitude today.

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  4. It's good that you can see the positives to balance out the negatives. I had a very close, very intimate friendship with someone for almost a year before she broke it off. I could dwell on her abrupt departure, but I prefer to dwell on all the things I learnt from our friendship, all the wonderful insights and discoveries.

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    1. Interestingly enough I had a call from my couple friends last week inviting me out for dinner. Out of the blue. After months. So we just never know, do we?

      XO
      WWW

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  5. I see what you mean and can relate.

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  6. Thanks from me, too WWW. A much needed reminder!

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    1. I think at our age also T, we really have to watch the negatives and darkness of thought.

      XO
      WWW

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  7. Thank you for this post. I like the shift and appreciated your examples. Time to put this into practice. Mini meditations, I like that. (Grateful for the "pick up" explanation.) Kim in PA (USA)

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    1. I find it more essential as my days get gobbled up.

      XO
      WWW

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