Sometimes we feel stress in different ways, don't we? Not quite aware we are in stress but the evidence of our own compromised presence in our lives becomes evident.
Example:
I nearly went mad from this knitting pattern I had designed. The first time I ripped it out, I had a chuckle. I had forgotten to take into account increases for the Aran part so I wound up with the beginnings of a bedspread rather than a throw (sofa blanket or afghan). So rip down and start again. Great. I'm on top of things now. 6"inches in, the thing is decreasing in size. With no known cause.
Closer examination shows no dropped stitches. I was close to weeping. I've been knitting non-stop just about since I was seven so I thought: give up now, as I tossed it in a basket, dementia has set it. Give up, stop knitting. And there it sat.
I finally picked it up during the week and ripped it all down again and restarted, counting the stitches on every row and the thing was haunted, it was shrinking yet again. I read my pattern aloud a few times and realized I had consistently forgotten a vital increase to compensate for a double decrease in the pattern. Small beans I know to a non=knitter, but I have been knitting for seventy years. Yeah, seventy years and know my knits, cables, purls and lace.
In chatting with friends and family and sharing this, others offered stories of their own realities. Such as awkward stuttering when engaging in conversations, losing really, really obvious nouns when on the telephone, misplacing every day things and sleeping a lot - or the opposite side of that coin, waking a lot. And inappropriate hysterical laughter. I'm sure there are many more.
This pandemic has taken its toll in all sorts of ways, some of which we are not even aware.
Have you any odd or funny or alarming pandemic behaviour responses?
I'm realizing that a lot of things I'm forgetting, like how to set the oven timer, which is the mailbox key, ordinary stuff, is most probably stress related. You don't recover quickly from the fear we've all been through and are still going through. I notice people are much touchier over small things, too. So I'm trying to remember to give a lot of slack all around, including to me!
ReplyDeleteI believe we're not in recovery by a long shot, Boud. Many of us are old and already in decline of some abilities. Perhaps the Pandemic is just making them worse.
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I can think of so many, many things. If only I could remember them...
ReplyDeleteI can only remember a small percentage Joanne :)
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One sad day while out and about I failed to recognise my most favourite sister in law (who has been married to my brother for over fifty years). My partner was talking to her, and I wondered who she was, and how he knew her. Out of context...
ReplyDeleteCovid Brain I call it, EC. Things (and people) have to be in the same place or I, too, have a slow time adjusting to the change and keep searching,
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I have been awkwardly stuttering too, my voice has so little use it forgets how to shape the words.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get the knitting sorted out. I don't knit hardly at all and don't remember what the abbreviations mean to be making lacy patterns. I need a book with very specific directions to knit anything more than a plain scarf. Yesterday I tried to knit a skirt for my Meg doll and made a mistake with the directions so the waist is more Barbie doll sized, tiny. I'll work it out and start another one.
I had a further row ripouts after this post, River, so I know ou understand. Such a straightforward piece for the old knitter in me but the one who has taken over my hands and brain is a piece of cabbage.
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I was thinking about this from a different perspective - how much it has changed the way my partner and I do things. We used to do the shopping together - now only I go. And I've had to become good at the parts he was the best at - unloading the trolley and putting everything back into the cart which at Aldi is not an easy tasking.
ReplyDeleteI understand Snoskred, everyone has their own skill set in daily living and it's hard to cope without them.
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I felt irrational fear at the outbreak of COVID, but it didn't really affect my behaviour aside from being very careful and cautious. I felt very rational fear in July when numbers shot up here but then we had a good idea of what we were dealing with. I am not sure if I have always done it but I've noticed I have been struggling for very well known words.
ReplyDeleteThe lack of social interaction is affecting us all I believe Andrew. I truly miss my friends, the coffee meetups, etc. The hugs most of all.
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You know “Sounds like” - “looks like” are becoming regular joking ‘statements questions’ between The Golfer and me. As well as the sudden roar of laughter followed by a ‘name or word’...the one neither of us could remember earlier or even days before.
ReplyDeleteEndless charades, Cathy :)
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I think I had Covid right at the beginning of the pandemic but in those days couldn’t get tested unless you’d travelled and had a high fever. So fear isn’t the biggest thing for me but living with a slowly dying dog is probably my biggest stressor. The pandemic is a bit of a blessing in that my life is severely restricted by the dog, the pandemic just means I have company. There’s nothing else I could be doing.
ReplyDeleteA positive outlook on what must be a devastating experience for you Annie. She is keeping you busy and I imagine (like I did) that you treasure how precious she is as each day goes by. I hear you on the infection as I had a weird experience in February 2020 with lungs and heart congestion.
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So far, nothing alarming except for increased laziness!
ReplyDeleteAnd that is almighty good, sir!
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I stopped laughting and poking fun at people doing crazy things when I misplaced a post box once while cleaning for the expansion of our house ;)
ReplyDeletePS. it's still not turned up now, some 15 years later.
DeleteI have lost a library book in my apartment Charlotte and have had 3 people hunt for it after my despair set in.
DeleteDaughter was here and treated herself to a GF Brownie to eat when she got home.
And guess what? That is now missing.
She joked today it's gone off to join my book.
It is so weird.
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In response to your comment on my post...
ReplyDeleteThanks, WWW. I will find the Maclean's article.
I couldn't get into Vera, but will try again. Thanks for the Bloodlands recommendation! I had to look it up as I was confusing it with the also Irish, book, Bloodland by Alan Glynn that I read in 2011.
I am curious about Nomadland as I know some full time RVers that did not like it at all.
That is interesting on Nomadland, Jackie. But I think the movie is mainly about those who have no choice due to poverty and societal breakdowns of different kinds.
DeleteI'll be curious as to you're take on it. And I'm quite aware that I am always blown away by Frances McDormand who breaks the Hollywood mould.
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I've knitted since I was seven too!!! I am doing an embroidery at the moment and had to stop yesterday as I just didn't like my stitches and yet I had done the same stitches the day before and I loved how that looked. I have an older friend that I chat with every day by phone and she has started having a lot of trouble with nouns and names. She jokes that I am able to fill in her blanks but I do worry about her.
ReplyDeleteOh I'm so glad I'm not alone in my ongoing frustration, Jackie.
DeleteI talk to my dementia friend regularly and I'm finding it (after initial much frustration) going on the ride with her now. It's hit or miss with her memories, mostly miss. She tells me all the time she's glad I remember this or that as it's like finding herself all over again.
I'm sure Covid will result in many people being so affected. Out of the normal percentage I mean.
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The knitting stuff is Greek to me, but I can understand why you are frustrated.
ReplyDeleteI can't say I've noticed a difference with the pandemic particularly, but I've had word-finding issues and memory problems ever since chemo.
I'm finding it a little confusing SAW, what is my old age issues and what is Covid. And a friend who survived cancer agrees with you on her memory and brain power since chemo and radiation.
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It's hard for me to distinguish Covid-related lapses versus the more regular ones that come in relationship to an auto-immune illness as well as lingering effects from anti-seizure meds I needed before brain surgeries, but I've definitely noticed new anxieties and repercussions in a loved one. Yesterday, I watched a YouTube episode of actors Kathryn Grody and her husband Mandy Patinkin, filmed by their son in their cabin they chose for isolating. The couple laughed about their difficulties reentering social situations after their full immunizations. Grody says that she finds it taxing after a few minutes to interact with others as her social muscle has atrophied.
ReplyDeleteI love watching those two on Twitter, so refreshing and honest. Covid has affected us in countless ways layering over the prior health challenges we may have had.
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Various health professionals are saying that cognitive difficulties, brain fog, poor memory etc are definitely linked to the pandemic and in particular the lockdowns, as we're not getting the usual level of brain stimulation from outside activities, meeting up with friends etc. Jenny and I have both found we're not as mentally alert as we would normally expect to be.
ReplyDeleteI also drop things more, silly things, like spoons and taking, say, yogurt out of the fridge.
DeleteI feel, at times, like I'm tripping over myself.
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Yes...
ReplyDeleteAnd it's good to talk/write about it, E.
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Haha. You are too much. My problem is inappropriate laughter.
ReplyDeleteDaughter and I did that over a terribly serious crime in a prison. We couldn't stop. And felt awful and couldn't stop yet again.
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So far no alarming behavior changes for me that I'm aware of other than a recent period of time when I realized Inwas in the doldrums.
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