Questions, the social kind,
Looking for answers, yes,
But not bothered by evasions,
Delusions, quirks and quarks
As they by their deft ducking
Reveal a little more
Of what is safely stored
Not quite concealed
From the saucy
Inquisitor.
- When do you feel insecure?
- When do you feel most secure?
- What do you view as success?
- What do you view as failure?
- What's the hardest challenge right now?
- What do you miss most?
- What do you treasure most?
(1) When I think too deeply about the state of the planet and politics, wars, climate change, famine and the upending of so many citizens from their own countries. Not for me, but for my granddaughter's generation.
(2) I had to really think about that and it's in the company of my daughter.
(3) In having helped others, been of service to those around me, in my efforts to be kind by listening and counselling when asked. I know I have been at my best when being listened to and really heard and I've tried to pass that on to others.
(4) When I have been unkind or impatient. See 3. I find myself holding back rather than revealing who I am or not telling those cherished by me how much I love them enough. I was startled recently when a fellow tenant in the building declared her love of me in front of a few others, telling people why. And the warmth from this I felt for days afterwards. I need to do more of this myself.
(5) My hardest challenge has always been self-care. I need to do more of my physio, book health appointments, lose my embarrassment and get the goddam rollator and walk more. Embrace old age rather than trying to dodge it.
(6) I have to say my younger daughter who is estranged from her entire family and friends for the close to twenty years and lives in another country. I would add to that those beloveds who have died, some far too young. Many in the last ten years have broken my heart.
(7) My elder daughter and granddaughter, my family of origin, and my dear surviving friends who never fail to boost me up and call out my crap now and again.
I like this little piece sent by a friend recently.
Physically I often feel insecure at the moment. Mentally insecure when I focus on that - and in the company of lots of people.
ReplyDeleteI feel most secure in the early hours of the morning. Alone but with the cats and my best beloved in the house (albeit not awake).
Success is continuing my voluntary work, despite its increasing challenges.
Failure? being unkind to myself and others.
At the moment I think my hardest challenge is accepting my new (and ugly) normal.
I miss so many things. And some precious people.
I treasure my partner (despite the fact that we both irritate each other often). And the beauty which I hunt for and find despite the state of the world.
I share a lot of these with you EC, ugly normal being one of mine also. To treasure someone is a lovely thing to say. And more so in the light of differences and periodic squabbles.
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The fourth point was lovely to read. At times it doesn't take much to make someone feel good.
ReplyDeleteIt's so true Andrew. Those feelings of affection outside of partnerships, family, etc take my breath away at their very vulnerability.
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Insecure physically when I walk on uneven, rocky, hilly ground. Mentally, being a tiny blue dot in very red country,especially given the amount of hate in our land today.
ReplyDeleteSecure when I am here in my home, working in my gardens.
Success? Hmmm. I never think in those terms precisely. But I would say whenever I have done something that really helps someone.
Failure when trying to reason with my youngest son, who at 38 has so much anger I do not understand, and who apparently blames me for his troubles. Nothing I can say or do helps.
I miss the days all my boys were young and still at home. I miss especially my son Jon who died in 2010. I miss my young, strong body.
I treasure many things. Flowers, the beauty of mornings and evenings, my crazy old husband, my home. So many things.
I am so happy you treasure so many things GS and heartbroken with you at losing a child and having so much anger in the others.
DeleteLife is a fine balance isn't it.
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I could answer everyone of those questions, but won't. I feel best not pondering the unthinkables. A great list, nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteUnderstood Joanne. It was totally optional!
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#5- my hardest challenge these days is trying to not use the heating so much since they raised the electricity prices AGAIN and managing Lola's problems, her migraines and allergic dermatitis.
ReplyDeletefor every other question: I don't dig too deeply into my own mind.
I agree on the electricity charges, they are climbing rapidly here as a disastrous hydro project needs to be paid for. Enraging. Rationing our essential needs is detrimental to our wellbeing.
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Like many others I try not to delve into these cans of worms. Health - mine and others' - is right now the greatest challenge, a bit overshading the real problems of the world - this too shall pass. For this reason failures and successes fail to register in my mind.
ReplyDeleteI mostly miss the feeling of relaxation and security, that summer has always held for me - and which, tucked away in my brain, gave me the staying power to survive the next winter. This - the fear of going into winter "unfilled with summer energy" - might really be my biggest challenge.
I agree Charlotte, health dominates much of my thinking these days as it varies depending on my sleep, medications and the weather. I exhaust easily and not only physically but mentally too. And tolerate fools even worse than I used to. A cranky old geezer has been released to the world.
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I want to say I am insecure when i think about the state of the world but it's probably more accurate to say hopeless or dismayed. Insecurity shows up when I am unsure about my ability to handle a physical situation, so when I am travelliing, on public transport, going to an unfamiliar place, in crowds etc
ReplyDeleteI am secure with my daughters, as you are, or just in bed. When i was away on holidays I stayed in a very basic cabin, in a freezing town but felt secure and safe in a warm bed.
As much as I know logically bthat money doesn't equal success, if i am really honest I think success means some level of financial security, not having to scrape by all the time. I also think sucess is functional relationships, self knowledge, being able to make hard decisions, being kind and quite a lot of reflection.
Failure is many things to me but it's probably best summed up as wilful ignorance. If people try and fail at things, I can respect that but I have little tolerance when people just are not honest with themselves enough to address their issues. (having said that I also know that we are the last to see our own issues. I seem to be digging myself a hole!)
My biggest challenge is trying to support my elderly parents who just won't face the looming problems.
I miss my more capable body. I miss swimming.
I treasure my children the most but all of my relationships are important to me
No one should have to scrape by and yet it happens in the wealthiest countries on the planet where rampant capitalism is thought to define success. Self knowledge is challenging as I too can trip over my own smugness in thinking I have it all sewn together but I am reminded I am never a "finished piece" I have loads to learn and will never be able to say "done".
DeleteIt must be so very difficult to manage elderly parents, I am conscious of that with my daughter when she makes helpful suggestions and I brace myself with a self-admission that she is right. And recognise the roles are reversed in many ways now.
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I'm insecure when reading about the state of the world and especially the political bantering. And, most secure when my best friend and partner reassures me that a situation will work out for the best.
ReplyDeleteSuccess is in being a good friend and maintaining contact with others through calls, letters and cards. Failure is not knowing when to let go of something.
A challenge is to accept that one day mobility may be difficult, currently it is fine.
II miss family and friends who have passed. I did want more time with both. I treasure time alone which is not the same as being lonely.
So many measure success by wealth and possessions which has always seemed sad to me. I'm with you on time alone, I absolutely love it. And cancelled plans cheers me up. All that freshly released free time, yay!!
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An interesting summary. I agree about being unkind or impatient feeling like failure. And helping others feeling like success. I would also see success as showing people my true self and not pretending to be something I'm not.
ReplyDeleteI read somewhere once that it's easy to be kind to the people we like but the true test is being kind to people we dislike. I am up against that at the moment with a troubled person who keeps attacking others for not caring enough about her or understanding her and it is challenging to be kind. I'm working on it.
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Yes, it's truly challenging for some individuals as she's not a friend nor do I wish her to be. But she's quite toxic to others in an unconscious way. And I've been asked to have another chat with her before things blow up altogether.
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Another thought provoking post from you.
ReplyDeleteCan I pass on the cold shower?!
Definitely 5, trying to help a close frail relative who is caring for a partner who has disappeared into dementia; she refuses to open up about it to friends or family and it will reach crisis point soon. x
I had that situation with a friend who lost her identical twin and is suffering greatly and physically sick but won't seek out counselling. I find her behavior upsetting at times, it has changed her personality.
DeleteI feel so very sorry for your relative, it's awful to bottle things up as it's so detrimental to overall health and wellbeing.
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