Sunday, October 21, 2007

Shore Thoughts


It has been a solitary life, these past few days here. I’ve wanted it that way to get at the book, now that reminders are coming in from the editors. And something stops me and I let it.

I walk a lot by the shore with the dog. I’ve started to follow the example of my neighbour down the way and pick up the bits and bobs that float in with the tides. The ubiquitous water bottles, shot gun shells, plastic bags, chip bags, motor oil bottles. I don’t take any great pride in this, it just is. Part of my responsibility for the planet and this tiny section of it.

I observe how water changes landscape on an extremely intimate level. It has been heavily raining and it stopped today and I watch the many residual streams and rivulets pour into the bay, altering the landscape, washing out some muddy bridges and building new ones. Creating new moats and demolishing old islands of shrubs. The power of water!

I pick up kindling for the fire and collect some interesting twists and turns of driftwood. I compose wonderful poems in my head that vanish before I can get back to the house and put them on paper or computer.

I think about friends and friendships and how sometimes I’ve been a “filler-friend” for others who drop me when they meet someone new. R has done this to me. From a daily contact for a very long time, to zero now that he has met someone. He did not tell me this. A mutual friend did as I was puzzled by his unresponsiveness to my emails. I must admit to being hurt. And saddened. And I try not to let my heart harden up to any future friendships with the males of our species. And I reflect on my male friendships that survive. And the female ones that always do, come hell or high-water or the best new lover in the world.

I sort many things out on these long shore-walks. And bring my life into today and the moment and doing the next right thing like picking up another tossed plastic bag on the beach

10 comments:

  1. Yes, why do men in particular do that, dropping someone like a ton of bricks as soon as someone more exciting hoves into view? As you say, sad and hurtful. I did that to women once or twice when I was a headstrong youth, and I regret it to this day. It's extremely immature and callous. Why should somebody be written off like that, like one of the plastic bags tossed onto your beach?

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  2. The human, maybe 'man' condition, Nick. Even my brothers do it. I think it is very male, there seems to be only the space for that one special woman in most cases.
    Understanding it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, of course.
    XO
    WWW

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  3. Hi WWW

    Sorry to be the pragmatist but now you can get focused on that book! It's what a man would do.

    xxx

    Pants

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  4. I think men do that sometimes because the new woman makes him feel like he should. I am to blame for this, once, when I felt insecure that he was more attached to her than me. Subconsciously I must have made him feel it and he stopped seeing her. There were other facts and variables but I wonder if partly "the other" is responsible for the dropping of the old friends...
    WWW dear, I have not been around a bit and you have written down gems again that got me thinking about some of the things I do, then put feelings into words, thus make them more real. It helps me understand myself. Ta!

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  5. I've had many women friends who dropped me instantly once they hooked up with a guy.

    Sorry to hear it anyway.

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  6. Pants:
    You are absolutely right and I'm trying to clear the flotsam and jetsam from my head to do just that!
    XO
    WWW

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  7. I hear you Gaye:
    But it doesn't say much for the inner strength and integrity of the person who is doing the shunning!! I had completely misread R. which calls my own judgement into review!
    XO
    WWW

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  8. It has only happened once or twice to me, Medbh. Usually the guy is incorporated into the girlfriend and their partners' worlds very quickly. With fingers crossed the guys get along. And if they don't time outs are taken with the girlfriends as always, or solo girlfriends invited along to different events with the new fellah.

    This shunning by a long term male friend has got me pretty gobsmacked, let me tell you!!

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  9. Lovely writing in this post, which I've just caught up with. I agree that it's something men do - I wonder if they have a more functional approach to friendship than women do. Also if this new relationship doesn't work out, he'll be back in touch like a shot, ready to tell you all about it and expecting sympathy.

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  10. Thanks Jenny. I like your word 'functional' and I tend to agree with you. Interestingly enough, I heard from him on Thursday ( I had genuinely forgotten his birthday!)filling me in on some inconsequential stuff but not mentioning a relationship.

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