Saturday, November 28, 2009

25 Priceless Metaphors!


These were sent to me via email from a dear friend today, I can't choose a favourite, they are all so good!

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit
their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school
essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of
teachers across the country.

Here are last year's winners.....


1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.


2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.


3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking
at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without
one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.


4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.


5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.


6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.?


7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.


8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.


9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way
a bowling ball wouldn't.


10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.


11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.


12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.


13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry them in hot grease.


14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Montreal at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Vancouver
at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.


15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.


16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met


17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the
East River .


18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only
one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.


19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.


20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.


21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.


22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land
mine or something.


23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.


24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools.


25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as
if she were a garbage truck backing up.

7 comments:

  1. Jeez, and I thought I was weird. Where do they get these ideas from? So unbelievably inappropriate. My favourite is "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever?" And when I say favourite, I mean favourite like the lamppost my pet dog always heads for.

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  2. Thank you, thank you. I haven't laughed out loud reading an email in a coon's age, which is about how long a coon might live to be (grin)

    xoxo

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  3. Well, it breaks the boredom for the teachers having to read so many essays all at once.

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  4. Like Vicki, I had the best belly laugh in ages. Thank you. Dee

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  5. What a laughfest this was. I needed a good laugh and you've provided the perfect material, thanks.

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  6. A nice happy start to Monday, WWW - thank you! LOL!!!

    These are fun and funny, yet they all work very well I think - in spite of the chuckles. :-)

    3 and 6 especially are precious! The long and the short of it.

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  7. The sad part is I think a few of them are mine.

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