Saturday, June 30, 2012

Mixed Bag



I'll write of the good stuff first:

One of the highlights of the summer is that Grandgirl is coming here for a month. I never expected this. She will be 18 this coming October and off to university in September. I am over the moon about it as she will see two performances of the play and we can hang out as we normally do.

I'm off to a surprise 60th birthday party tonight which should be fun. We're going to celebrate the birthday of a 'new' friend who is more like family to me. Serendipitous is this rare circumstance when one meets someone and knows right away. In my case it was the right place at the right time. She had just gone through a terrible upheaval at her longterm workplace. I was able to share a similar equally devastating experience I'd had in a workplace years ago and could offer concrete support and advice. Hire a lawyer being the first piece of it.

I've taken on too much and this is the downside of my life right now. Daughter and a long term friend said to me that I've again lost the ability to say 'no' when others ask me to take on a 26 week commitment which holds no interest for me whatsoever and will bleed my energy and will demand skills which repel me - and also being with others excessively. I do not play well with others when they are too much with me. I need a lot of alone time. More than most. I resent intrusions into my creative space and taking on others' ideas of where that can go. No. No. And NO. I am rehearsing the word.

I was reminded of what I love to do. Being creative and in my bliss. Deciding when and where I can be in community with others (and I am surprised by how little I do need outside community stimulation). I'm self driven for the most part. I think other artists are with me on this. Solitude is a balm.

It took me a while but I am cancelling the daily newspaper which occasionally publishes me. Why? I counted the negative articles in the last while. Nearly all. I can almost feel my blood pressure rising as I read an old fart's half page on why feminism has destroyed the world. Seriously. His main point? We are finding fulfilment in outside interests and refusing to breed, thus endangering all countries as decreasing populations can't sustain them. Seriously. This moron has obviously not heard of our existing rampant population growth which endangers the world and starves millions abd millions of children? And he gets a full half page to enrage women and thinking readers?

Enough already.

You can see in some areas I am an extraordinarily slow learner.

And that's /30 from me.

17 comments:

  1. The good and the not-so-good in balance, WWW - sounds as though you're in tune with the universe.
    :-)

    I'm with you on "alone time". I doubt I could ever sanely go back to being surrounded by people (as in office life). Apart from occasional interaction with in-laws, I only ever talk to my husband these days - so it's a good thing we get along pretty well. ;-)

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  2. Indeed, solitude is a balm. I love and need my alone time. Took me a long time to accept this as okay and not listen to others. I have to remind myself to socialize once in awhile.

    How lovely to have a visit from your granddaughter and also for the meeting of a new friend. This is a rare occurrence as we grow older and one to cherish if it happens.

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  3. I hear you on the overcommitment thing, the worst feeling of knowing you're trapped by your own acquiescence. My ex had an uncanny ability to walk away from such things; not often just often enough to make people consider him a bit unreliable. He got to be Mr Nice Guy without actually being Mr Nice Guy.

    Newspapers are evil that way, they print those articles to get your dander up because there's nothing like the excitement of a bunch of outraged readers.

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  4. I like to think wisdom comes slowly, so learning it takes awhile.

    Solitude is so important as a balm in both (many) of our energizing processes. Like you I need to choose the when and how of coming together with others.

    Did an interesting exercise the other day about auras – turns out mine seems to be firing about 15-20 feet or more away from me. No wonder I feel cramped sometimes!!

    Be well.

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  5. I think if we were all totally cut off from news sources for 24 hours, with all their hysteria and negativity, our blood pressure and anxiety levels would drop dramatically.

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  6. I agree with you, Nick. A great idea. I already never watch tv news and don't get a newspaper. I do look at the headlines on-line but don't open them. Once in awhile, on a weekend, I just stay away from news sources and concentrate on what brings me joy. I think there is just too much these days ....

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  7. T:
    I totally understand, being with loved ones or those who "get" me is my consolation prize. I realize that most people don't get me at all and I come late in life to that realization.
    XO
    WWW

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  8. Carol~
    Yes I am fortunate that I've made friends late in life and I also realize that I do make the effort now and again to breach my solitude and march forth and risk.
    Not often but enough to provide me with stimulation.
    XO
    WWW

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  9. Annie:
    I'm actually looking forward to freeing up reading time to just books and journalling. I will see how out of touch I get. :)
    XO
    WWW

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  10. Veep~

    Auras are extraordinary and yes, I do see them too and am drawn to certain kinds of auras. Our energy (chi, qi) is quite visible to those who wish to explore.

    I was at a gathering last night where the auras were awesome, imagine being in a room of like-minded people who feel like family. It rarely happens but when it does, wow, eg a poem of mine that someone had was read aloud for the room and an 11 year old child stood up and spontaneously sang, bringing tears to our eyes.

    Stay well, my friend, bring that aura closer. Like a beautiful kite.

    XO
    WWW

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  11. Nick:
    And I think cancer rates would drop along with diabetes, I truly believe it is toxic sludge. I will be cut off from newspapers AND teevee now. Interesting experiment. What I like about the web is we can pick and choose our news stories.
    XO
    WWW

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  12. Carol:
    Our recipes are very similar, I need to concentrate on joy more, the world is far too much with me and I need to just concentrate on the lovelies surrounding me.
    XO
    WWW

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  13. It's taken me most of my life to learn how to say "no." We all say "yes" because we don't want the other party to think ill of us. Guess what? Most of the time the other party couldn't care less; they just want something.
    I like saying "no.' It puts ME in charge - where I belong.

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  14. Thanks Marc!

    I particularly like "Most of the time the other party couldn't care less; they just want something."

    How true that is! And I must remind myself of it. I would add: "for themselves".

    I need to run my own life and not be a windsock for other's demands!

    XO
    WWW

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  15. It took some effort and training, but I learnt to accept what comes my way without judging it to be good or bad. It is not what happens that affect us as to how we react to it that does. I still struggle with some occurances but have to force myself to come to grips with Ovid's thought - ”Be patient and tough; one day this pain will be useful to you.”

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  16. Thanks R:
    You always offer the lantern in the depths of the cave.
    I am working on embracing all experience and not attaching an adjective :)
    XO
    WWW

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  17. I set out to create in the 3 score and 10 years - what I yearned for.
    Yearned through marriage, 4 children, divorce, running a business, relationships, building 5 homes. I think I have arrived. But need to stop manicuring the woods around my small cottage and sit still more.
    The most happy and contented in my whole life. Now if I can keep my health and stay off computer more..

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