Worry was intertwined with my last post about growing old and the fear of it.
I would have said I didn't worry about stuff. But I do. I took a step backward and observed myself on Saturday:
Worries crawl in. I watched them carefully today and lo and behold they staggered down the hall, whispering to each other, and on into my office and proceeded to infest my brain.
I'll tell you what I worried about, even briefly, today (Saturday). Welcome to the inner workings of my brain:
First snowfall of the season, about 5cm.
Yer man's not coming by with the snowplow, look he just passed my driveway again and he never answers his phone and I need an ingredient for a recipe so I can't drive to the shop so my brunch will be destroyed tomorrow without this ingredient, how can I face my guests.Worry lasted an hour. Yer man showed up and plowed. Face red.
Where, goddam it, is Leo, he's supposed to clear the pathways and next thing we won't be able to access the barn for the wood for the fire and the house will freeze with the cold and I'll have to cancel the brunch and maybe I should just sell up and leave and find a tiny apartment in St. John's and get a lot of cans and pasta in and hunker down for the winter as they don't plow their sidewalks, and oh gawd, they don't take dogs, how can I leave my dog?Worry skulked in and out for another hour. Leo, meanwhile, behind my back, was sorting wood (old~new) in the barn and locating the snow shovel and then shovelled all pedestrian access to the doors on the property.
I should seal off the front door, the drafts can be bad, but it will take me hours, do I have the time, I've never done this before, make the time. OK.Job took 5 minutes. Face still red.
I shouldn't have to fix the bloody chair (see above). Glueing chair legs is so complicated, plus it's an antique, I don't want to damage it. What happened to all those years you refinished antiques, huh? But I have to - I need the chair for the annual Nollaig Na mBan tomorrow. I've no choice. More hours out of my tight little life.Job took 10 minutes. Looks great. See above. Face still red.
And I'll post about my Nollaig na mBan soonest. It was rather splendid even though I say so myself.