Thursday, September 26, 2013

Watching my Step


I don't know why I keep doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I know, the very definition of insanity, right?

I suppose I jump into the flames without seeing the fire or something. Or maybe it is too much of a Pollyanna approach to life in that I think others might see things the way I see them. Like my work for instance.

I absolutely love the new play I wrote. The one about the two woman getting together after 40 years. And Grandgirl loved it too, we acted it out together and she had some terrific suggestions with regard to the tension between the two characters.

And then I talked it to a good friend in our theatre company and she rained all over it.

And I was crushed.

For a day or two.

Which wasn't too bad.

A few years ago, it would have bothered me for weeks.

But life is too short.

I learn.

I remember giving a short story to a dear friend a while back at her request. And when I asked her what she thought, she told me she didn't take the time to read it. I remember being demolished.

But I understand that my babies need to be put in the safest, most caring hands and not tossed out willy-nilly to those who have previously shown themselves to be insensitive to artistic sensibilities.

Live and learn.

It never stops.





28 comments:

  1. I will look forward to reading it. Unlike David Gilmour.

    Have you seen the story in the National Post?

    http://arts.nationalpost.com/2013/09/26/david-gilmour-now-the-centre-of-literary-firestorm-for-syllabus-stock-only-with-serious-heterosexual-guys/

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  2. Your last paragraph says it all. How horrible the friend that didn't even take the time to read.
    Cheri

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  3. What a bummer to have reactions like that.Very hurtful and not at all helpful.

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  4. Constructive criticism is one thing, but to ask and then not bother reading is a horse of a totally different colour!

    I look forward to reading the play.

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  5. You're obviously very trusting of other people's good nature, and crushed when they turn out to be less than good-natured. But the only alternative is to be constantly mistrustful, which is a sure way to a miserable life.

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  6. I understand
    being sensitive and trusting.
    May we use wisdom
    in the future.
    Can I send you a hug...

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  7. It's a good thing that you don't let this sort of callousness bother you too much. People can be very shallow and over occupied with their own limited point of view to the exclusion of keeping your purpose and point of view in mind. They are not your best critics and not at all constructive.

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  8. I admire your ability to turn away from insensitive, and therefore useless, feedback.

    The concept of women getting together after 40 years is inspired!

    What I learned, doing poetry readings for a few years, was to pay attention to who was offering the feedback. People I actually admired seldom chose to wound my spirit, and often offered inspired commentary, not positive, not negative.

    I also found it interesting that feedback from men took the form of criticism, while the same poem would invoke strong emotions and appreciation from women. The gender difference was striking. I paid no attention to the men offering criticism, as they weren't writing anything that I admired. It was gratifying that other women could connect with the meaning of the poem.

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  9. These people are your greatest gifts because in their callousness lies your opportunity to not allow others selfish ways to get to you in any emotional way...I believe you will continue to attract this type until you learn not to let it affect you, and how great will that be when you reach that point :) Hard to see that sometimes though! Just my opinion and always free I never charge ahahaha LOL ;O

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  10. I deal with this kind of thing with my blog all the time. Some people read it regularly and have done so for years, but some of my own family and close friends can't be bothered. It's weird. I'd LOVE IT if THEY blogged! I'd be supportive and positive and not act like I've no interest in their lives or what they have to say. It does feel like an intentional put-down sometimes, something I find sad. Then again, not everyone likes to spend time on the computer, especially reading things like "blogs." I am happy to say that at least one person who once looked down her nose at "blogging" as beneath her interest is now a regular reader and loves my blog and me. A new friend has been made. As for plays and other creative works, of course you can't please everyone, but oh how it hurts when friends don't seem to WANT to be pleased!

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  11. Hm. There are two entirely different issues there. The woman who asked to be able to read it and then couldn't be bothered. That's just rude.

    And then there is the issue of solicited criticism. If you ask someone for their opinion about some form of art, it isn't really fair to be offended if they don't care for it. If you don't want to hear that, you have to say, "Tell me what you like about my play." Personally, I avoid soliciting advice and/pr criticism most of the time.

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  12. It used to matter to me what people thought of the way I wrote and what I chose to write about. It finally occurred to me to pay more attention to my reaction to what they thought. It became a way of enlightenment.

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  13. Anon:

    yes I did, what a storm over such a nobody, not even a prof!!

    Xo
    WWW

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  14. Cheri:

    Yes, I was very very hurt at the time but fortunately saw in hindsight it was symptomatic of our relationship.

    XO
    WWW

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  15. Hattie:

    And as she's the executive producer even worse!!

    XO
    WWW

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  16. GM:

    I think she was a master of passive-aggressive behaviour!!

    XO
    WWW

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  17. Nick:
    I'd rather trust than not, even though proven wrong time and again.
    XO
    WWW

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  18. OWJ;

    I learn from every interaction and I get to write much better as a result.

    XO
    WWW

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  19. Maggie:
    Thank you for this. Very good points. I know in my heart women are going to love this play.
    XO
    WWW

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  20. Anon:

    I learned years ago that when we are finished with the lesson we will move on to the next. Sometimes it's hard to know when the lesson is over. I am done :)

    XO
    WWW

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  21. SJG:

    Yes, I've had that experience with my blog readers too. Often I believe it is attention span. A lot more people than we realize have a form of ADD.

    I like your story of the non-blogging friend!

    XO
    WWW

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  22. SAW:

    Aye, there's the rub. The friend who was critical is also involved in the production of this play so HAS to be a first reader.

    But she is a non-reader by nature and I need to circumvent this process in the future with her co-operation and understanding.

    XO
    WWW

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  23. Pauline:

    Very wise words, thank you!

    XO
    WWW

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  24. It is difficult to discern the difference between serious intent and making conversation and all of us fall into such devastating experiences. In your case, it should be all the more so because you are creative. But it is good to live and learn indeed.

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  25. Ramana:

    Some of my lessons come extraordinarily late or I am a very slow learner!

    XO
    WWW

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  26. In that case, yes, work around the non-reader! :-)

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