Tuesday, October 01, 2013

A New Pair of Glasses


Yeah, that's how I'm trying to see life lately.

I've carried this philosophy into my home too. I changed things around yesterday. Old formations of furniture, bits and pieces. I don't have much here, never did. I keep it simple. But sometimes it's not simple enough. So I make it even simpler again.

I've always suffered episodes of free floating anxiety, since I was very small, usually a precursor to depressions that in the old days would cripple me or drag me back to the bottle. And the battle. But I was reading something about different approaches to old themes that keep cropping up again and again in my life, the big one being abandonment. I'm tired of those old violins. I think these sickening old themes are dead and buried but they're not. The smelly corpses protrude up through the soil and give me a death grin. (Graphic. Sorry.)

But I make a gratitude list every single night and it sings those corpses back to sleep.

And sometimes I feel like I'm going mad all alone in an alternative universe. Until people who care about me remind me of who I am.

And I look at the gifts I've been given. And if I forget, or they get stolen, I am reminded.

To reclaim and polish them up.

And put on the new glasses. And keep them handy.






14 comments:

  1. Rose coloured glasses... I could do with a pair of them on this monochrome wet day. I did manage a short walk when the rain eased this afternoon.

    I hope your inner sun shines through tomorrow!

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  2. Love the rose coloured glasses. I hadn't put together that anxiety can be a sign of depression coming on but read it earlier on Facebook someone posted and now with you. I have been having a lot of anxiety lately and just been taking more of my clonazapam I guess I need to keep a close watch on myself care.
    Cheri

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  3. I hope your new glasses will remain clear and not be clouded with sadness and the residue of smelly corpses.

    Dear www, I left a comment on the previous post towards the middle of the other comments. It seems to have disappeared. It has happened before.
    Do you have an explanation I would not find hurtful?

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  4. Nice! I've started a gratitude journal, and I write once a week about the previous week.

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  5. "But I make a gratitude list every single night and it sings those corpses back to sleep."

    I first read this as Platitude List! and it kind of suits, doesn't it? LOL

    I've always found it hard to come up with a gratitude list every day, probably because it is too repetitive: grateful for health, loved ones, surroundings, beauty, etc. Same old, same old! But oh how grateful I am to have these things.

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  6. GM:

    Tx. It eases a bit, awareness is a great gift.

    XO
    WWW

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  7. Cassie:
    it took me a long time to realize the signs. I would be in full flood depression before I knew it. Now the anxiety is my first clue and I take steps to try and forestall what follows.
    Good luck and peace with yours.
    XO
    WWW

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  8. Friko:

    I have no idea what's happening to your comments. I've emailed you privately.

    You are more than welcome here, as you know. I never delete comments unless they're SPAM :)

    XO
    WWW

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  9. SAW:

    Excellent, it really lends perspective even when the days are dark.

    XO
    WWW

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  10. SJG:

    Sometimes platitudes help! And same olds are huge reasons to be grateful when we look around at turmoil and despair.

    XO
    WWW

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  11. Here is to hoping you will laugh and include a special thanks to Chuck.

    Wife comes home to her husband and says "With the new pair of glasses, you look like sh*t."
    "But I don't have a new pair of glasses, " He replies.

    "But, I do."

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  12. Ah Ramana:

    Why do I feel so sad at others' jokes, sometimes?

    Maybe this one is about the rupture of illusion?

    XO
    WWW

    ReplyDelete

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