Yeah, that's how I'm trying to see life lately.
I've carried this philosophy into my home too. I changed things around yesterday. Old formations of furniture, bits and pieces. I don't have much here, never did. I keep it simple. But sometimes it's not simple enough. So I make it even simpler again.
I've always suffered episodes of free floating anxiety, since I was very small, usually a precursor to depressions that in the old days would cripple me or drag me back to the bottle. And the battle. But I was reading something about different approaches to old themes that keep cropping up again and again in my life, the big one being abandonment. I'm tired of those old violins. I think these sickening old themes are dead and buried but they're not. The smelly corpses protrude up through the soil and give me a death grin. (Graphic. Sorry.)
But I make a gratitude list every single night and it sings those corpses back to sleep.
And sometimes I feel like I'm going mad all alone in an alternative universe. Until people who care about me remind me of who I am.
And I look at the gifts I've been given. And if I forget, or they get stolen, I am reminded.
To reclaim and polish them up.
And put on the new glasses. And keep them handy.
Rose coloured glasses... I could do with a pair of them on this monochrome wet day. I did manage a short walk when the rain eased this afternoon.
ReplyDeleteI hope your inner sun shines through tomorrow!
Love the rose coloured glasses. I hadn't put together that anxiety can be a sign of depression coming on but read it earlier on Facebook someone posted and now with you. I have been having a lot of anxiety lately and just been taking more of my clonazapam I guess I need to keep a close watch on myself care.
ReplyDeleteCheri
I hope your new glasses will remain clear and not be clouded with sadness and the residue of smelly corpses.
ReplyDeleteDear www, I left a comment on the previous post towards the middle of the other comments. It seems to have disappeared. It has happened before.
Do you have an explanation I would not find hurtful?
Nice! I've started a gratitude journal, and I write once a week about the previous week.
ReplyDelete"But I make a gratitude list every single night and it sings those corpses back to sleep."
ReplyDeleteI first read this as Platitude List! and it kind of suits, doesn't it? LOL
I've always found it hard to come up with a gratitude list every day, probably because it is too repetitive: grateful for health, loved ones, surroundings, beauty, etc. Same old, same old! But oh how grateful I am to have these things.
GM:
ReplyDeleteTx. It eases a bit, awareness is a great gift.
XO
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Cassie:
ReplyDeleteit took me a long time to realize the signs. I would be in full flood depression before I knew it. Now the anxiety is my first clue and I take steps to try and forestall what follows.
Good luck and peace with yours.
XO
WWW
Friko:
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what's happening to your comments. I've emailed you privately.
You are more than welcome here, as you know. I never delete comments unless they're SPAM :)
XO
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SAW:
ReplyDeleteExcellent, it really lends perspective even when the days are dark.
XO
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SJG:
ReplyDeleteSometimes platitudes help! And same olds are huge reasons to be grateful when we look around at turmoil and despair.
XO
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Sometimes
ReplyDeleteI think you are me.
We will make it
have too....
OWJ:
ReplyDeletewe have.
we will.
XO
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Here is to hoping you will laugh and include a special thanks to Chuck.
ReplyDeleteWife comes home to her husband and says "With the new pair of glasses, you look like sh*t."
"But I don't have a new pair of glasses, " He replies.
"But, I do."
Ah Ramana:
ReplyDeleteWhy do I feel so sad at others' jokes, sometimes?
Maybe this one is about the rupture of illusion?
XO
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