Tuesday, October 01, 2013
A New Pair of Glasses
Yeah, that's how I'm trying to see life lately.
I've carried this philosophy into my home too. I changed things around yesterday. Old formations of furniture, bits and pieces. I don't have much here, never did. I keep it simple. But sometimes it's not simple enough. So I make it even simpler again.
I've always suffered episodes of free floating anxiety, since I was very small, usually a precursor to depressions that in the old days would cripple me or drag me back to the bottle. And the battle. But I was reading something about different approaches to old themes that keep cropping up again and again in my life, the big one being abandonment. I'm tired of those old violins. I think these sickening old themes are dead and buried but they're not. The smelly corpses protrude up through the soil and give me a death grin. (Graphic. Sorry.)
But I make a gratitude list every single night and it sings those corpses back to sleep.
And sometimes I feel like I'm going mad all alone in an alternative universe. Until people who care about me remind me of who I am.
And I look at the gifts I've been given. And if I forget, or they get stolen, I am reminded.
To reclaim and polish them up.
And put on the new glasses. And keep them handy.