Monday, March 02, 2015


It occurs to me that a deep friendship always boils down to a room. A sharing of one's space, planning breakfast, taking out the spare robe and slippers, laying the nice fluffy towels just so on the bed. None of these extra touches are necessary of course. The room is good as it is, stark naked as it might be. It's the space offered, the shelter from the storm.

A metaphorical "there's room in my heart." Yeah, sentimental, mushy old me. But think about it.

I was reflecting on my two recently deceased friends - how they always had a room for me, and I for them.

In my time of grief in Dublin in January, another dear friend most unexpectedly prepared my room for me. It was my second time staying there and it touches my heart that she always puts fresh flowers in my room. And extra blankies. This time, I hadn't expected to stay there at all as I had the use of an empty apartment in Dublin as long as I wanted. But she went out and got me underwear and a toothbrush and socks and lent me a nightie and insisted on taking care of me for 24 hours. An oasis in a desert of anguish and loss.

In sharing one's personal space there is the bonus of getting to know a person a little better, all sorts of topics come up, the books on their shelves, special lamps, the contents of the fridge, pictures on the walls, mementoes from Granny, music on their systems. Somehow, it makes them all the dearer to me, looking at their china, commenting on the cutlery or place mats or candles.

It's remarkable, this special room of friendship. It says so much about the beauty and warmth and depth and intimacy of kindred spirits sharing space and food and domestic conversation.
And I feel so very lucky that I have a few rooms on both close and distant shores where I can hang my hat.

And a few rooms to offer in return.


  1. this one understands your words...
    and thank you for letting me know about my
    mulitple entries
    All morning worked on entering
    and computer did not cooperate.
    Thank you again
    guess I was more successful then
    I realized..

  2. I am so sorry to learn from the previous post that you have lost another dear friend. When we come to the age where people we know and love die the sorrow doesn’t seem to end.
    I never knew what they meant when the generation before me said that they felt left behind but nw I a beginning to get an inkling. Only this morning I was sighing over the loss of three dear ladies in the village who made me feel welcome and befriended me, the stranger, almost from the off. All three are gone and I miss them sorely.

    But there is still the room waiting in the house of other friends; there may be fewer of them but we haven’t quite run out of harbours to shelter us when we need them.

    In this sphere here we also have friends to commiserate and tell us they think of us, as I am doing now.

  3. The system of houseguests plays a remarkable role in building relationships and to link that to the room in one's heart is an amazing insight. Thank you.

  4. I like that metaphor - our homes are so representative of ourselves.

  5. I've had some time off from reading blogs, so I was saddened to learn of your loss. . . . . . . there is a line in a song which says "How wonderful life is while you're in the world" - true enough, but it is also true that our friends and loved ones are always with us. I hope your healing continues well. Every Blessing from Dalamory

  6. What a lovely post and what a kind friend to offer such support at a time of need. Really we find out who our true friends are at such times.
    Maggie x

  7. What a lovely gesture from your friend. And you're right, having someone as a house guest always cements and deepens the friendship.

  8. I, too, have been away from blogs for a while as we dealt with the last illness and death of my mother-in-law and the prospect of another surgery for a granddaughter. I'm just gobsmacked at what you've been through and charmed, too, by the thought of a friend who bought you underwear, a toothbrush and socks. Socks to warm your feet. Such tangible evidence of her caring.

  9. We are entertaining friends now and know that it's one of the best things we do. People who don't offer hospitality are making a big mistake in life.


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