Tuesday, October 06, 2015

Mind over Matter

I would consider myself fairly in tune with my body, my emotions, my mind, you know?

Imagine my shock when my doctor adamantly, adamantly disagrees with me.

I thought I was cruising along nicely, yeah, it's been a shyte year, so many losses I can't count them at the moment.

And yeah, I feel on the edge a lot of the time. The edge of what I couldn't tell you. Disaster I suppose. Another awful thing maybe looming around the corner ready to grab me by the throat.

And Doctor tells me my health is really, really suffering. My blood pressure is now worse than before, my blood sugars are all over the place, my body is not happy, my outlook is depressing. And to top it off my eyes are red like I've been on a bender.

Surely to gawd, I say to him, grief couldn't cause all this havoc in my body.

And he laughs at me.

List all the griefs for me, he says, pen poised.

And I do. And I was surprised, the list was so very long.

And he says: death of many major friends, loss of family, loss of emotional connections, a dying dog, a long-time missing daughter - you need grief therapy. Stat. Meanwhile I'll up your meds again, but this is it. There's no more up, we ran out of ups today.

I've obviously lost the run of myself.


  1. Sending you lots of love -if you want more (suggestions, books, etc... from my area of expertise -25 yrs a psychotherapist ) let me know. My email is my firstname dot lastname twelve at gmail dot com all lower case and the number not written out. Offering as a friend! I think you are a walker, no? If you haven't been walking lately please get back at it right away. Where there are trees and better alone or with a well behaved dog(l know yours is sick ) or friend who can be quietly companionable. And I'm aware that I'm being a pushy byatch but I don't give a care. Life is too short to let politeness get in the way. Mucho love.

  2. Oh dear; there it is then. You know what to do, Mary, and you're doing it and more. Those walks Jan suggests surely make a difference, and grief therapy will not hurt, for sure. How far will you have to travel for it? Into St. John's, I suppose. Keep writing. Keep writing!

  3. Sorry to hear that. Yes, maybe some therapy would help you to make peace with some of the grief and distress you're grappling with and settle your metabolism a bit.

  4. Thinking about you, missus, sending healing hugs.

  5. Again - understand.
    My list I share of pain, colon problem, balance
    but I am told
    "you are healthy" blood work shows only inflammatory problem which has overtaken my body.
    So all you named is where I am fine
    but walking with a cane a lot, lot of pain physically because of arthur, constant colon problem.
    Heal please, the grief this one know welll and took years for it to now just arise
    occasionally--and I try and change the channel and it is difficult.
    Please take care, a hug sent and wish it was in person.

  6. I had an annus horribilis of my own a few years ago, so yeah, I know, you think you're doing okay, and then -- wham! -- it hits you, So please, slow down, give yourself a break, take care of your own needs, and begin to look ahead.

  7. Understand the issue, m'lady. Every time now I deal with something that has an emotional edge to it my little coronary arteries just contract to their 'hearts content', so to speak. Does take the fun out of everyday things, but what is one to do. Yeah, get counseling, I wish the best for you.

  8. Is there anywhere in your neck of the woods where you could go for talking therapy of some kind? Somewhere where nobody knows you or the people who are draining you? ( Maybe here? We are here and we can listen for ever ...)

  9. I wrote earlier in the week, but it disappeared. I too had a bad health spell after a year of loss and grief. The dr said it is very common for the body to just shut down to help preserve itself.

  10. Still sending you love. It wings down the bay out to the labrador sea, hangs a right and zooms down to where you are looking out your bay. It snowed here ladt night. True.

  11. I have just spent a most pleasant hour 'catching-up' with you. I say 'pleasant' though some of your posts racked my heart-strings. We are all so susceptible to the encroaching years, and yet we keep our losses and grief from those around us, like it was something criminal, a thing of shame needing to be borne alone.
    My dear father passed his 100th birthday two weeks back. I ring him often and always ask, "How're you doing, Dad?" "Oh, I'm okay," is the standard response, though I sense the loneliness beyond the words. He lives alone in a tiny bungalow. Sheltered housing they call it. He sees the warden maybe once a month. But he won't move. He won't come to live with us. Too independent, by far. But I know I'll be just the same if I'm ever in that situation.
    It's been good to catch-up. The last weeks have been hectic, but at least we're now in France - though only renting. Hopefully, I won't have to leave it so long next time.
    My very best wishes to you and Ansa.

  12. I can attest to the power of grief therapy, having gone through it myself. I hope you find a good counselor and can pour out the grief to make room for more sunshine. XO

  13. Gosh Wise - not good news! A month or so ago I was in Home Sense [a store] and they had a little plaque that said "Give Thanks" - I don't know why the hell I didn't buy it because when I went back to do so of course it was gone. It is in my head and I pass it on to you although I know you are working on it anyway. Easier said than done.
    Hope you are on anti depressants [ups?] - prozac did wonders for me and after several years I was able to go without. I think it permanently raised my serotonin? Therapy is good too - leave all your shit on the doorstep of someone who has chosen to collect it - no guilt! Be careful my dear.

  14. The other day I had a couple of women at my house who had been recently widowed, and they were trying so hard. One of them has just about stopped eating and weighs maybe 80 pounds. The other has arthritis that gets worse every time I see her. They make no waves and are no trouble to anyone. It's awful.
    Make waves! The more you need the less you get unless you insist on getting the care you need. And that's even at the expense of being considered difficult or a crock.

  15. checking in
    please take care
    trying to learn my new computer
    which one had for 4 months
    and now brought to me :)
    Noticed above
    "the more you need the less you get"
    some of that going on here...

  16. I can't top Hattie's observations and suggestions--not that this is a contest--and can't offer Jan's expertise. I just hope you see that there are many others out in the ether wishing you well, including me.

  17. I read this and didn't get back to comment but have been thinking of you. Thank goodness for your proactive doctor. Put yourself first. Let others help you. Obviously there are many of us out of arm's reach who care. I'm sending a hug across the miles and will continue to think healing thoughts ~

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