Tuesday, October 06, 2015
Mind over Matter
I would consider myself fairly in tune with my body, my emotions, my mind, you know?
Imagine my shock when my doctor adamantly, adamantly disagrees with me.
I thought I was cruising along nicely, yeah, it's been a shyte year, so many losses I can't count them at the moment.
And yeah, I feel on the edge a lot of the time. The edge of what I couldn't tell you. Disaster I suppose. Another awful thing maybe looming around the corner ready to grab me by the throat.
And Doctor tells me my health is really, really suffering. My blood pressure is now worse than before, my blood sugars are all over the place, my body is not happy, my outlook is depressing. And to top it off my eyes are red like I've been on a bender.
Surely to gawd, I say to him, grief couldn't cause all this havoc in my body.
And he laughs at me.
List all the griefs for me, he says, pen poised.
And I do. And I was surprised, the list was so very long.
And he says: death of many major friends, loss of family, loss of emotional connections, a dying dog, a long-time missing daughter - you need grief therapy. Stat. Meanwhile I'll up your meds again, but this is it. There's no more up, we ran out of ups today.
I've obviously lost the run of myself.