Thursday, July 21, 2016
Tales from my Couch
Bill, a man in his late fifties, slim - B.
Trudy, his wife, a hefty woman - T.
Me, their host - M.
B - (settling into the couch in my living room) - how are the roads around here?
M - (laughing) it depends on what you want to do with them: drive, lie, walk or dig them.
B - (laughing)Oh, I'm into running, I do half marathons.
M - Oh they're not bad for that, I trained on them, I can tell you where the best ones are.
T - Oh he's mad for the running, I don't believe in it myself.
B - Well now Trood, it's either that or die.
M - What?
B - (looking at Trudy) I'm going to tell her.
T - You tell everybody.
B - Because it's so amazing.
T - (eyeroll) He never shuts up about it.
B - I used to be 500lbs.
M - (gobsmacked)Seriously?
B - 4 Years ago I had a gastric band put in. I could barely stand up without help.
M - And you've changed your lifestyle. Well good for you!
B - Yes I run in different races now. I track my steps every day, I have hill training and mountain climbing and all sorts of physical events. I love it.
T - (in a flat tone of voice)From a couch potato to a marathon man in 4 years.
M - Talk of change, positive, life affirming.....
B - I love my new life. I took 6 weeks off work recently to have all the extra skin excised from my body, it was painful and horrible but as you can see...(and he waved his hand over his flat stomach and athletic thighs)
T - I hardly know him. He was 250lbs when I married him and now he's 180lbs.
B - I have loads of plans. A huge bucket list. Climbing mountains and deep sea diving. You name it, Bill's going to do it!
Ah, I think. Now where does all this leave Trudy?
At breakfast this morning, he asks for porridge, yogurt and a sprinkle of almonds and granola on top.
She has the big Newfoundland fry-up.