"My life is but one wild brief dance in the ballroom of time."
I was wondering a couple of days ago (not sadly) when was the last time someone called me "darling" and came to the conclusion it was when an aunt, who lived to a great age up to a few years ago, used it as we had tea in front of her fire and she gave me gentle words of wisdom always interspersed with the word "darling". I use it myself, of course, to family members, to cherished friends. It is an important assuring word and we need to use it more to those who are dear to us. " My dear" or"Dearie" doesn't quite cut it, or "honey and "love"for that matter, I find those words quite dismissive and meaningless.
I am not having a good day health-wise, seems to be some bodily reactions going on but nevertheless I persist as best I can and showered and washed my hair and moaned to myself. And then Joanna (my cleaning lady) arrived as I was cancelling my plans for the morning with friends.
And the loveliest thing. I was sitting in my office chair letting my hair dry. I have a lot of hair and it is now long (no hair cutting/styling money pit anymore) and she began to stroke it and run her fingers through it and hum a bit and said:
"You know the last time I did this was when my daughter was about 12 and she let me, and it is one of the most beautiful things to do, isn't it? Run your fingers through long hair, your hair is so beautiful."She made my sad, sick and sorry day.
Well, blessings to you! What a wonderful thing to say. We all need a bit of love, don't we?
ReplyDeleteOdd Gigi, I felt like a little girl again when my grandmother would do it - oddly not one lover came to mind and there a few that loved my hair :)
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Joanna is a treasure.
ReplyDeleteI really, really don't remember the last time anyone called me darling.
I do hope your difficult health day is followed by a better one. And that all the Joannas in your life words and appreciation warm your heart on the dark and difficult ones.
It's strange that EC, isn't it? It is a very deep term of endearment even if the English throw it around a bit - or used to.
DeleteThank you for your kind words, evening isn't as bad as morning for some reason.
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Isn't that sweet. I think for some people touching can be just as important as being touched. At times I come across a touchy waiter/ress and while I like it, I wonder if some people silently object to being touched.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a fan of "stranger" touches, Andrew, I have to know the person quite well due to some childhood invasions and interference. But it surely was a joyful minute or two there this morning.
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That’s lovely, darlin’! I’ve had short hair much of my life because it’s been easier to care for, and as I aged I, coincidentally, looked younger than I was. The day I finally retired at 79, I decided to allow my hair to grow since it also seemed to be thinning. I really prefer my long hair now and wish I had done so for a period of time when I was younger and still had my beautiful golden red color.
ReplyDeleteIt is so easy to maintain, too Joared and minimum cost, my stylist was $65/pop. Quite a chunk every 8 weeks. I am enjoying this hair of mine and just ordered a French tortoiseshell chignon holder from Amazon. Gravitas. LOL
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I like running my fingers through my own hair no matter how short it is! Weird? But actually now that I think of it, I don't remember anyone else ever doing it. Hmmm ... -Kate
ReplyDeleteNow there must have a been a lover Kate? H'm. I was married to a man who dried my hair every morning. As I sat there smoking or doing my eyes. The dear dead days. The days of daily shampooing. Dear Gawd.
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I love this story. Our girls all in their forties will ask when they come home for me to brush their hair. I've always loved doing it. Its a loving touch. We don't get enough of them. I am going to ask them to brush my hair when next time I see one of them.
ReplyDeleteYou know Judi I should have asked my granddaughter when she was here, never thought of it until Joanna did mine so casually this morning and you brought up your daughters.....
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Yes, made me smile. Makes me think, next time I see my niece I shall do the same and ask her if she remembers brushing mine? She love to as a child.
ReplyDeleteIt is a lovely feeling Gemma, a lovely kind of intimacy. I had quite forgotten all who touched my hair in my time...
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Such a sweet story. I hope Joanna is in your life a long time.
ReplyDeleteShe's climbing up there in age too, Joanne but I sure hope so!
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I dislike the word darling, also honey, love, dearie and pretty much all of them, and I don't know why, I just can't bring myself to use them and I would very much prefer that others didn't use them when talking to me. I'm weird I guess.
ReplyDeleteI do love long hair but I couldn't let people I barely know go running their fingers through it. I'm leery of being touched too, except by family members. I'm sure I've mentioned before that we weren't a hugging family, although I do try now to hug, grandchildren especially. And my brother and niece are huggers.
I believe each country (culture?) has different terms of endearment, not all of them tropes. Darling is quite special in Ireland and here in Newfoundland too. In the UK not so much. The rest I can live without. I'd have to know someone (and trust) well before allowing them to touch me.
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My late wife called me Darling all the time. I always called her by her nickname or Sweet Herat. Her last words to me just before she died were "Darling, I am feeling funny." Yes, we spoke to each other in English as our mother tongues are different.
ReplyDeleteAn elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy addressed his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they appeared still very clearly in love. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names." The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth, he said. "I forgot her name about ten years ago."
I find that story so sad Ramana, perhaps he had dementia? Otherwise how much did she matter to him?
DeleteI like your use of darling for your wife. My former husband called me that too, often shortened to "dar". I did the same :)
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Running your fingers through someone's hair (whether long or short) is a nice intimate gesture.
ReplyDeleteSomeone we knew was in the habit of saying "Hello, darling" when she had forgotten the person's actual name. I also prefer "darling" to the alternatives. Sweetheart is good too, but has to be used sparingly.
Sweetheart can sound really patronizing in some voices.
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