I was thinking about worry recently. I like this time of my life when I can let my mind drift where it may and ponder ideas and thoughts that I never had time for in the Before Times of job and bills and social activity and routines.
I'm not a worrier by nature anymore. I realized a long time ago now that it was a huge waste of time and that things had a way of righting themselves.
I had a life lesson in the form of an experience I had when I was in my late forties.
I lost a good position due to an enormous clash I had with my boss, the vice-president of an American Corporation. It was an ugly exit. He was an ex-marine and ran the Canadian division with military precision, making outrageous demands on the staff which resulted in him being a hero for maximizing profits based on unpaid labour. I was the Canadian controller of the firm. We did not see eye to eye on just about anything.
The month before I had sold my townhouse in the suburbs and moved into a detached home in Toronto - small, but my dream home, right on the subway line with a good sized mortgage.
My exit was handled by our lawyers - that will tell you how acrimonious it was.
The relief I felt on leaving was enormous and my exit package was enough to carry me and expenses for about 4 months. But after some 5 or so years with this company, I knew good references would not be forthcoming.
So I sat in my new-to-me house, my dream home, and stewed and fretted, envisioning the foreclosure, wondering where I was going to live, maybe a rat-infested dingy basement apartment, as I slaved away somewhere equally dismal on minimum wage.
Six weeks into this enforced idleness, with very little responses to my resume sent hither and yon, worry and fear consuming me, I had a call out of the blue from the president of a Toronto company, right around the corner, saying he was shutting down his manufacturing facility within the year and he needed a controller to manage it for him, staff, finances, diplomacy.
I met him and he hired me immediately. So for a year I had this lovely position, my confidence was restored, there were two incomes coming in for a while and in meditation one morning, I resolved never to worry again.
Everything works out as it should. And the waste of that six weeks taught me a huge lesson in the uselessness of the word.
Right now, this minute, I could give you a list of things I could worry about health wise. Tests coming up, loss of appetite, skin troubles, and on and on I could go. But what's the point? It's not going to "fix" me at all and just make me sicker.
Often, we just need a kick in the old keister to wake us up and smell the coffee and turn around our own dyed in the wool behaviours.
If you worry, what do you worry about?
If not, have you ever and how did you change?
I worried when I was younger and it was the next to the last and most difficult useless endeavor to get rid of for me. Now I'm working on patience, learning how to become more patient. This is a wonderful and insightful post, thank you.
ReplyDeleteIt is pretty useless isn't it Inger? In any situation I quickly envision the worst and the best outcome and then I know it will fall somewhere in between usually. I had to work very hard on becoming patient too!
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Definitely got me thinking, this post. I don't worry as a regular exercise but I have had the odd nasty fright, usually a health crisis with a family member. Come to think of it I do worry if I haven't heard from said family members for a while.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I've done that Anne, I quickly tell myself they are busy, etc. And move away from it. Usually we hear about emergencies directly, right?
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I have gotten better with age. I am now 73 and remind myself how lucky I am to be here and to enjoy every day; lots of friends didn't have these years.
ReplyDeleteThat is very true Sandra, I have lost so many dear ones.I'm really grateful to be alive this long.
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I am a worrier - despite knowing that it is a waste of energy I do not have to spare.
ReplyDeleteI cross my mental bridges before I even know there is a river, much less that I have to cross it.
Big sigh. Big, big sigh. This is something I need to let go.
EC I always go back to that time of 6 week terror in my head and auto-correct immediately and have a laugh. And I feel frisky go to the worst case scenario and know it will never happen.
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I worry about everything including the larger world problems that I cannot fix. But I have realised it is so often not what you worry about in the future but what comes up unexpectedly.
ReplyDeleteVery true Andrew, it's the unexpected demanding immediate attention which doesn't involve worry at all as there's no time.
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Sometimes I worry about outliving my money. Then I forget what I'm worrying about.
ReplyDeleteGood one Joanne! I think I'd pass the hat if that came about.
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I've never been a worrier, always just taking things as they come and it all seems to work out okay. My whole family seems to be the same.
ReplyDeleteVery good philosophy River and it seems to be inherited in your case.
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I don't worry. I shall send an email to you about how I achieved that state.
ReplyDeleteThank you Ramana and I know you've had more than your share of situations that called for it.
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Great story! So anyway, everything doesn't always work out as it should, but I'm glad it worked out for you. And I agree, worrying never worked out for anybody.
ReplyDeleteUseless endeavour Tom as it can't change the outcome and we don't know what the outcome will be.
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I worry about little things but not usually about big things, which enables me to read world news without getting stressed. However, the small things often get to me at 3am if I happen to be awake then. Which is often.
ReplyDeleteI hate waking at 3am Annie, I don't worry but horrible scenarios come into my head.
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I am glad that you got another job to replace the old one. Yes, sometimes, things have a way of working out, don't they? I have worried in the past, but here I am, still alive and kicking.
ReplyDeleteWorry is crazy for sure Gigi. It accomplishes nothing.
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I worry about all sorts of things, so it's difficult to sum them up. But I never worry badly enough to cause me sleepless nights or have panic attacks. And usually the things I'm worried might happen don't actually happen, and everything works itself out, as you say. That was a wonderful stroke of luck getting the call from the Toronto company.
ReplyDeleteAs long as you don't lose sleep Nick. That time of the new house and the lost job I hardly slept a wink. It was horrible. Like a zombie, convinced I was done for.
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Not going to bed until early morning...have decided to sleep when my body wants to rather than worry about it.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right about worrying. How many times have I fretted and wrung my hands only to have the afeared thing not happen? Too many.
ReplyDeleteSince my mother got a tumour on her kidney and it killed her, I imagine things every time I feel a strange unexplained twinge. Right now it's an ache in my lower left back, and I wonder ... could it be something serious? It's sure lasting a long time ... and so on.
But worrying changes nothing. I'll talk to my nurse practitioner about it at my appointment later this month. What's a checkup for if not to check up on these little things?
Kate
I think there must have been so much unpredictability, change and adaptation in my early years I may have become immune to worry. Everything just worked out however it did, one way or the other, and then how to adjust and move forward. I don't really recall spending a lot of worrying time or remember any one event that caused me to not worry, but maybe there were instances.
ReplyDeleteProbably, financial insecurity jeopardizing my having a place to live, maybe even being able to feed myself could cause me to fret a bit. Can sure appreciate the anxiety you must have felt. I'm keenly aware of some uncertainty in my life now but am not worrying. Not sure what could happen that might cause me to worry.
I recall the year long ago I became determined to change jobs, had accepted a position, then I thought more about the owner for whom I'd work who I learned was likely an alcoholic. I realized I'd probably do all the work at the radio station, his job and mine, too, and he'd get all the pay, so told him some weeks before I was to start work that I'd honor my commitment for a year but then I'd leave. He was furious when he couldn't convince me otherwise, so, naturally, didn't want me which I had hoped would be his reaction. I didn't rescind my resignation from my then current job either, though they would have accepted it. I decided I wanted to leave town and began pursuing employment in the town where I wanted to go at any one of their only 3 TV stations. Ah, the confidence of youth thinking I would get hired by the time my resignation took effect and where would I live, could I afford to rent an apt., since I didn't know anyone there? What, me worry? I think I've pretty much always figured things have a way of working out and generally seems to be for the best, even if it might not be what I thought I wanted. Well, it did work out and I did get a job I wanted, but only after accepting another one there, then withdrawing again when I saw my office would be a converted closet, no windows, nothing appealing. I even found an efficiency apartment I could afford.
I have worried about money in the past and I'd like to say I won't again but I suspect that it wouldn't take much to throw me for a loop again.
ReplyDeleteThese days I have concerns about my mum. She is becoming frail and so unsteady on her feet that she shoudl be using a walker but she's ridiculously proud. I want to help her but she needs to help herself.
I wouldn't call it worry, more like a heavy heart