I've had to let go of many people, places and things in my life. Like many of us. Marriages, relationships, friendships, jobs, houses, a country, a province.
It's never easy. And I'm not forgetting my addictions either. The claw marks are enormous on those, bleeding profusely.
Old behaviours that didn't serve me well. And oh yes, the blame game to avoid responsibilities. The lack of discipline in some areas of my life. Procrastination - there's a big one. I will never understand people whose lives are in perfect order, dishes done, floors swept, beds made every morning, yoga to start the day followed by organic granola and fruit in a delicate hand made bowl. I want to put them under a microscope to study them, to see where the differences lie to see if I could grab a gene or two. I tend to be a reactive housekeeper. Advice I pass on is to have people into one's home at least once a month to keep one's house in order. It works. Also the timer. Set the time for whatever number of minutes you choose and just do some of the grunt work during that time. You don't have to finish. That's been a lifesaver for me. I don't have to do all the dishes. Just five minutes worth or whatever.
Old age has given me much to let go of. And it hasn't been easy. I'd say for many of us oldies. Acceptance acceptance acceptance of the way things are.
Loss of of good health is a major one. I would take mine for granted. Not any more of course. But by far the biggest is knowing that the former ability to hike miles, to run miles is gone forever. Mobility, eyesight, failure of internal body parts are the norm.
To cease fighting aging is an ongoing battle. Some days are better than others. My one wild and precious life is consumed by doctors, lab work, medications and, yes, looking for sunshine where I can. If I remember. On good days I do and on "bad" days not so much.
I celebrate what I still can do, write, knit, read and socialize when I can and when I feel safe. Ongoing Covid and world issues are almost too much to bear. We've made a right bollox of this fragile wee planet and there really is no coming back. As we say out here on The Rock - the arse is out of 'er.
I think there's the key that you hit on: don't worry about the things we can't do; celebrate the things we can do.
ReplyDeleteAnd on good days, Tom it's far far easier to do, right?
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Oh yes. I am a beauty addict which serves me well. Even on the darkest of days there is at least a little light. Which I find comforting.
ReplyDeleteIt is months since we have had a visitor - and how it shows...
A beauty addict, I like that EC. Daughter said to me recently, why on earth do you use that hard to clean crystal jug and my simple answer was "aesthetics". Some things are here for their beauty.
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Ha! I had to chuckle at your reply to the last comment, as I insist on using beautiful crystal goblets to drink wine from, and my spouse and his ilk insist that a plastic glass would be "just as good." Pfft. What do THEY know? Obviously not what I know, and what professional chefs also know: presentation matters! Not to mention the difference in how the goblet feels in my hand ... .
ReplyDeleteI'm slow to get back to reading my favourite blogs, and yours is always top of list.
Here's hoping things slow down around here so I don't get so far behind again.
It's good to read your thoughts, always.
-Kate
You sound very busy Kate, loads of work going your way. I miss your frequent posting but needs must. I use Waterford crystal for my morning juice :D
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Many things can still be done, more slowly, broken into parts. You have it right about doing the dishes. Do it with many other things too.
ReplyDeleteA fine synopsis of living long but losing bits beyond our control and ability to continue guiding.
ReplyDeleteWe have enough in guiding ourselves through the final stages, Joanne. We're lucky to get out of bed.
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Yes, letting go. It's something we have to do over and over and it never gets easier.
ReplyDeleteMy mum is one of the housekeepers you describe: sleeping to 7 is "late", bed made, breakfast always the same, floor swept, bla de bla.
Some people might live that way in a healthy sense but not mum. The routines don't support and enable a life they ARE her life.
At 51 I'm less able than a healthy 80 year old so I feel a bit ripped off if I think too much.....
I know many out here like that Kylie. Even at business meetings they have to drop everything and rush out the door to get Himself his supper. It never ceases to astonish me. Professional women too. I want to ask what would happen if they didn't. I don't imagine they've ever thought about it.
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"You don't have to finish" and "I don't have to do all the dishes" is something I just can't do. If I'm washing dishes, the whole sinkload gets done, then the counters, the hob, the cabinet and fridge doors too. If I'm sweeping, it's never just one room. To be fair, I only have two decent sized room and the bathroom/laundry combo, so doing the lot doesn't take hardly any time at all. But I have let go somewhat. I just don't do the sweeping every day, nor the dusting. And I DO spend a lot more time sitting reading or on the computer.
ReplyDeleteGood for you River, old habits die hard. My best friend, who died, never ever left her bedroom in the morning without full make up and dressed to go as her husband "expected it". You never know who could drop in doncha know. I've gone to the door in my ratty old robe without apology. Take me as you find me.
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I've had to "let go" of some things in these later years and, especially, fretting about having to do so. Just can't keep the house interior up as needs be and I want, plus haven't had the help I need. Seems so much outside the house that has required my arranging be resolved that wears on me and still more now, as I'm unable to do anything there any more. Overwhelming feelings sometimes can interfere.
ReplyDeleteIt's very difficult to make changes Joared. I had to evaluate living in my own home or finding a small place that pleased me with a management who would take care of the maintenance. Best thing I ever did in old age. No stress about all that needed doing in my home. But letting go of my house was very, very hard. It was time.
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Luckily I'm not too restricted as yet. A bit of back pain now and again, and much lower energy levels. But I'm still able to keep the house and garden in order. I shall be dismayed if and when that's no longer possible.
ReplyDeleteI also don't understand people with perfectly ordered lives. There are plenty of things that we conveniently overlook or postpone or get a "lick and a promise".
a lick and a promise. That's my style Nick, Though I do have a helper who does the grunt work. When someone visits me for the first time they're always astonished at how beautiful my place is. They must be expecting a total slob, I don't know. You are lucky to still be in your own home. I am sure you treasure these latter days in it.
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I have my own list of restrictions and losses but, I have found that the best way to handle them too. Acceptance. Works.
ReplyDeleteYes, acceptance for sure, Ramana. We don't have to approve but we can accept.
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Oh, you don't want to be one of the perfect ones. They're the ones with all the phobias, insecurities and secret unhappiness when you scratch the surface. I wear my quirks out front with my disordered messes.
DeleteMe too Jackie. Left to my very own devices I'd be sitting in a river of books, eating takeout and planning the movies I'd streamed later on. :D
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You made me laugh about the way having company lights a fire under us. Nothing like imminent visitors to open my eyes to what needs doing - fast, before they're at the door!
ReplyDeleteExactly Molly, a lot of kindred spirits on here which is delightful. Reactive housekeepers unite!
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The other day a 50-ish neighbour described an 87yo neighbour as a “hoarder”, but I see the 87yo as a woman who conserves her diminishing energy by not cleaning up. I’m at that point myself, so inviting people in is rapidly ceasing to be an option.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous is my code name, lol, it’s me, Annie.
DeleteI hear you Annie, if I didn't have my helper come in every couple of weeks I would be the same. She's exceptional, does minor repairs, thinks outside the box, makes stuff accessible to me, etc. An absolute treasure. I'd be lost without her.
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Beautiful things are meant to be used. Use them!
ReplyDeleteGuests come to see us, not our house. Invite them anyway!
These two things I have only recently learned, and how it helps.
The same with good underwear and beautiful socks, etc. Charlotte!
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I think we all have to keep going forward and doing what we can do. I am still in great shape physically and mentally but of course there is no knowing when that will come crashing down. In the meantime I enjoy life and much of what it has to offer. If I were to dwell on the past there are doubtless things I might have done differently - or better - which is precisely why I don't dwell on it! Between the two of us we seem to get the housework done but we don't obsess over it. In general, life is good!
ReplyDeleteLife can be sooooo very good David and good health is nothing to be taken for granted as you say. I so very much appreciate the small things in life now rather than the large.
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When I watch television late at night, I stare mesmerized at the easy way people move their bodies, as if nothing at all hurts.
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