After a clinic visit yesterday (which I will write about later), it was late so I took myself off to a coffee shop to grab a bit of a very late lunch.
Two young men were blocking the path to the only table available with an enormous packed bag on the ground. They ignored me as I huffed, frustrated, and then I circled around them and squeezed past on the other side, really, really annoyed and huffy in that way I have so reminiscent of my father. My Jimmy moments.
I threw my perfected Jimmy glare in their direction but they had no time for me and my petty grievances. They were sharing a small box of timbits (tiny donuts for non-Canadians) with no drinks and also sharing a cell phone, which they passed back and forth. they shook their heads at each other, mouthing "any luck?" while the other hung up shaking his head handing the phone back.
I copped myself on as I unfolded my sandwich and thought: Homeless? All their possessions in this one huge hockey bag on the floor, and where else could they put it anyway, tables were too small, they had no car, were they looking for shelter from friends? Temporary accommodation, somewhere, anywhere?
They left suddenly and huddled outside the window opposite me, sharing a stub of a cigarette. And I just knew, looking at their fearful faces, that yes, they were. And with shelters full and foodbanks empty what on earth would they do next?
They were gone when I left. I wish I had spoken to them and helped them in some way.
Both sides now, indeed. Well told, and I feel your regret over not having helped them a bit.
ReplyDeleteYes, and they were never begging or asking for anything which they could have done outside. I thought it a new situation for them. Might have been brothers, who knows.
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John calls it my McGuinness glare! I also feel your regret.
ReplyDeleteWe are peas in a pod Jackie :D Daughter tells me when I have this special puss on me and has captured it in phots unfortunately.
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Maybe they were waiting for a ride to the airport and were worried they would miss a plane. Maybe the "cigarette" was weed. hen volunteering at a shelter some years ago my trainee (a local minister) warned me "these guys will be whatever they think will work in their favour." He also told me they divide women into two groups which in my words will be angel or whore. Step out of line once and you'll be sorry". Step out of line? Laughing at the wrong place, wearing the wrong clothes, using casual language. Old women? You have ONE role model. I found all this to be true over the years. Oh and any slight convo will end in them asking for $$. That's what they want. EMMA
ReplyDeleteI try not to monolith people Emma as everyone is unique in their own way. I do believe my conclusion was correct in that they were newly homeless for some reason. And I will always regret not speaking to them.
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Those poor men. And yes, I would probably not have spoken to them either - and lived with my regret - as you do.
ReplyDeleteEven to buying them a drink to go with that pathetic little box of timbits. From the phonecalls not one at the other end offered them hop. I would like to know if it all worked out.
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Some people can become so preoccupied with what they are doing or have no spatial awareness, I try to be charitable with my thoughts, that is unless they are standing at a tram door and blocking my path.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya Andrew, I try to suppress my inner Jimmy at such times but he springs to life and then sputters out far too slowly.
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I rather wish you had asked them to please lift the bag for a moment so you could get through. Sad to think they are probably homeless and hope they found somewhere to stay.
ReplyDeleteRiver, I admit I was slightly afraid of doing that. They had the advantage of being male and could have been violent.
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So now it's time to forgive yourself and resolve to help next time. I am stunned you were able to walk well enough to accomplish what you did. My walker and I only stumbled around two buildings today and thanked people for helping with doors--after I asked.
ReplyDeleteJoanne I have had a remarkable improvement in my walking and pain levels and breathing issues. I don't want to jinx and I remain astonished. And so very, very grateful.
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Don't blame yourself for being cautious...Our "systems" fail every day.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right but I still wish I had handled everything quite differently.
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Not your fault. So what is there to feel any remorse?
ReplyDeleteIt might have been the only kind word they had all day, who knows Ramana? I have stepped up before and heard some pretty awful and heartbreaking stories.
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We are all quick to judgement sometimes and like you have regrets when circumstances prove our initial reactions unwarranted. It amazes me that they had a cell phone and it is too bad that their meagre food wasn't a little more nutritious than Timbits.
ReplyDeleteCheapest filler in the shop I'd say David and without a drink it said a whole pile about their circumstances. I need to be more aware and not judge too harshly, there are always, always multiple layers to those we encounter.
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Been seeing increased calls locally for the holiday food drives, not sure why not more thru the year. Our family called it the Clyde moment. Unfortunately I think I inherited his impatience with my need for perfection or occasional episodes of OCDness. I had a "should of" moment yesterday watching a Hispanic family put in forms for subdivision going in. A well built young man with a sledge hammer putting in posts for hours. Once he exited to a Porta potty for many minutes, me thinking hiding from boss and taking a sit to. But never any break for them. Amazing work style. I thought they needed water, cookies, candy, a wave. Maybe today as they make their way closer to me.🤗
ReplyDeleteWithout immigration Annie our economies would suffer. Hard work, a desire to succeed and gratitude. I was an immigrant and will never be grateful enough to Canada for all the opportunities afforded me and and my family.
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Annie here. I have a strong prejudice against university students born out of experience. I suspect ‘Anonymous’ above has a similar prejudice going on. It’s not easy to overcome that. Yes many of us try to be more open minded and generous, but prejudgment and self protectiveness poke through often enough to make us uncomfortable. Keep trying I guess, none of us is perfect.
ReplyDeleteBecause of male violence I would never offer to help another male if alone and vulnerable. But publicly I have done so when I feel safe. And have been rewarded in many ways. Twice by a spontaneous song offered :)
DeleteI am far from perfect Annie and extremely judgmental due to awful experiences and yes with student tenants, etc. I work on it and and try not to generalize.
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If you're referring to me as prejudiced, Annie: Pre-judge? No. I am speaking from experience. Years of ACTING on my desire to help out in many capacities including the one I relate above where I was being warned. My professional work was also helping out: I still do it. But you have to do it for them not for yourself.
DeleteHere in Britain there are many people who thought they were well set up and financially secure, and then suddenly they became homeless because their job ended or their rent was doubled or their mortgage payments shot up and they couldn't make ends meet any more. Maybe the guys in your coffee shop were in that situation?
ReplyDeleteI was reckless once. I feel somewhat sheepish about it rather than proud. I was driving to visit my daughter and new grandson one of those cold days with icy rain that we occasionally have. I passed a young man sitting on the side of a road, cradling bright red hands and crying, not asking for help or a hitchhike. I drove on because I was a woman alone, but then found myself circling around to go back, asking myself what the hell I was doing the whole time. I stopped and asked him what he needed. He told me he'd been told about a church a mile or two away that could help him but he couldn't find it. He was probably about eighteen, and I kept thinking of that new grandson of mine. I took him back to the café where a waitress had told him about the church, found out where it was and brought him there. Services were about to start, and they took over his care while I went on, marking the name of the church. The next day, I tried to call to find out what had happened and was told I must have the wrong church. I know I was lucky. I'd never taken a chance like that previously and I haven't since, but I could not pass up that boy who had clearly given up.
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