Friday, January 30, 2026

Sometimes Our Hearts Break A Little.

I glanced out my window the other night. I was struck by this oul fellah struggling along on his cane to the requisite 25 feet from our building. Snow was coming down fast, the plows had been around three times already.


He balanced himself carefully on the stick and lit up. Rules are no smoking in the building or within 25 feet of it. The rule is taken seriously. Even when you're dying of lung cancer.

As he is.

As a recovered nicotine addict (2 packs a day when it was allowed everywhere even on planes and post partum in the maternity wing - yeah, I know, appalling breathing smoke on our newborns, you would be dumbfounded if you saw a photo of back then, I do have one somewhere) I sympathize with him. We attribute my late brother's death to tobacco, he had quit for years and then went back for about 10 years which, I believe, nailed him to the cross of cancer.

All 6 of us siblings were smokers and quit along the way. My own withdrawal (no medical support back then, 38 years ago) was so terrible I knew I could never smoke again as I would never quit again.

This poor fellah tried to quit. I just know he did. All smokers do whether they say so or not. And now, in his late sixties he's dying one of the worst kind of deaths. Fighting for breath, plugging in tanks, yearning for the one thing that would bring him a comfort he defines.

Yeah. I'm so sad for him. 

PS I can't post this on local social media as many would know him.


18 comments:

  1. That distance seems excessive. You would think there could be some kind of shelter for him, and perhaps others.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some others in the building have sensitivity issues along with COPD, etc. And we have lovely outdoor areas for sitting so I understand the 25' distance.
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  2. Sad indeed. Nicotine is powerfully addictive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Incredibly so. I've seen dear family and friends struggling along with their own lung issues.
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  3. I remember the days when almost everyone smoked and everywhere too. My own parents were heavy smokers as were both of my ex-husbands. Myself and both siblings never smoked and my daughters also don't smoke but both of my sons do. One tries to quit but gets disproportionally angry at minor things and the cigarettes keep him calm. He knows the risks and smokes much less.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As they say River: Without therapy, the only known antidote for anger is nicotine. I tend to believe that. When I quit, my rage went through the roof.
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  4. I had 2 aunts who used to shut off the oxygen to smoke a cigarette. One had lung cancer. I've heard it said that, for some, quittinq would cause more harm. I know 2 men who gave up smoking & drinking. I often think that if they can quit those vices, anyone should be able to. Apparently not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mona, I remember being at a meeting when the speaker talked about those giving up alcohol and then proceeding to slowly kill themselves with cigarettes. After seeing two dear friends doing that I threw everything I had into quitting.
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  5. I remember those smoking days. My Dad lit most cigarettes on the end of the previous one. He was shaky if he didn't smoke. A beloved uncle died at 62 from emphysema. When they started smoking they didn't know the pain it would cause in their last years. Now, sometimes I wonder what we are doing, what we've been led to believe causes no harm, that will make us walk our own painful steps.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly Diane. They talked about Vaping being the cure for cigarettes and now coming out with data that shows it's equally dangerous along with weed.
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  6. RoisinNY here. I’m a long reformed (30 years) pack and a half smoker too from back in the day. Unfortunately I replaced it with sugar, candy etc. Now struggle to quit the sugar addiction, almost as harmful as the cigarettes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've struggled with sugar all my life Ros. It's a tough one to quit. It's like a sedative. Dark chocolate is my preferred drug. 🤣In my running and racing days I cut it out completely as I found it had the effect of a sedative and that didn't help my racing.😊
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  7. That is so hard to watch. Our neighbor bragged about how much he had smoked, but it finally got him, at age 87. I wonder how long he would have lived without the smokes?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He had a good run of it though at 87, I would think? I noticed out here that many are living to 100+. Could be the ocean air and not pollution? Not sure.
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  8. How sad for that gentleman and so many others. My late father smoked nearly all his adult life, and although he had quit a few years before his death, smoking had already done its worst. Thankfully, my brother who was also a smoker stopped soon afterwards. I never smoked but curious in my teenage years, purchased a pack, which my mother found and tossed out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A horrific habit, no only for the smokers but for those who suffer around them from the smoke. A friend of mine died from her husband's second hand smoke - they can now identify nicotine in cancer analysis. He could not quit. But I often say anyone can quit if I did it. And those who knew me as a smoker concur. I just about ate those things.
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
    2. Ah, yes--how hard it was to quit smoking. Finally managed it about 40 years ago but not easy. Now wonder why I loved it so much as it seems disgusting to me these days. My best friend absolutely could not quit and died from emphysema in her 70s.. A terrible habit but it continues altho I understand cigs are expensive these days. Good riddance!

      Delete
  9. I think people like him should be allowed to smoke in their own apartment. This is cruel.
    I too remember those smoking days, and I began smoking in pure self-defence - I have long since quit. But it's a powerfull addiction.

    ReplyDelete

Comments are welcome. Anonymous comments will be deleted unread.

Email me at wisewebwomanatgmaildotcom if you're having trouble.