Love Making Tips For Seniors

1. Wear your glasses. To make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, In case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
8. Make all the noise you want... The neighbors are deaf too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!
10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for
work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I
hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked
out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my
husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our
bedroom with the neighbour's daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and
the neighbour's daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been
having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was sacked
from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling
increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever
since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.
He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I
can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila


Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be
caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking
that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the
vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all
grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it
could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery
pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps.

Walter