1. Wear your glasses. To make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, In case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
8. Make all the noise you want... The neighbors are deaf too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!
10. Don't even think about trying it twice.
Sorry, my memory's not too good these days. What's this SEX everyone keeps talking about? Have I ever eaten it before?
ReplyDeleteomg - that made me laugh out loud. Now, if only I could remember who the other old people are that I'd like to forward this to...
ReplyDeleteDamn you, Wisewoman! You made me snorf my morning coffee. Great advice, just in time for Valentine's Day.
ReplyDeletehahha no no turn them all ON. keeps you awake you know
ReplyDelete@Oh Nick!!
ReplyDeleteI'm not even going to TOUCH that!
@Pauline, I'd help only I forgot what I posted.
@Tessa:
Oh snorfing is awfully good for the temperament first thing!
@Laurie:
Far too awake perhaps. With shock.
XO
WWW
My father (94) lives in a small seaside town in Wales, UK, called Colwyn Bay. Because I like to keep uptodate with matters occurring around him, I have an rss feed to a local blog on my reader. In an amazing example of the sheer power and diversity of the internet, I clicked on that blog two days ago and found the exact same 'senior citizen information' as I'm reading on yours today, thousands of miles away in Newfoundland.
ReplyDeleteCould it be you read the "Llandudno and Colwyn Bay local" as well?
LOL
;-)
Ah, I'm not quite to seniorhood yet (but firmly in middle age), but this is hilarious!
ReplyDelete@RJA:
ReplyDeleteIt was sent to me by a friend living in a senior's complex in Mississauga Ont!!!
Oh how the interwebz has changed our lives from carrier pigeons!!
@K:
Well girl, you'd better start practising for those upcoming moments!!
XO
WWW
RJA:
ReplyDeleteI checked out the blog and by gum the place looks awfully like Newfoundland wouldn't you say?
Is that where you're going eventually - moving in with dad (if he'll have you)? LOL
XO
WWW
If I found somebody in my bed some morning I'd need 911 and that is without the hanky panky! ;)
ReplyDeleteGroan.....Ah well - if we don't laugh, we'll cry, WWW !
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!! at this and the other comments. LOL!!!
Saw this funny movie, can't remember the name, where this old lady gets all the young guys in her building to do things for her, like putting up shelves and then the next scene is her taking out her dentures as she disappears to the foot of the bed much to the surprise and unexpected pleasure of the young man.
ReplyDelete