Friday, December 04, 2009

On Rambling Around the Grocery Store - AKA Mental Asylum - Tonight:


They were short and round and frazzled, this old couple. They stood in the middle of the cereal aisle which is 50 yards long and 4 yards high full of every kind of cereal imaginable. She was wringing her hands in between pushing her glasses up tight against her eyes as she spun around in total bewilderment.

“Oh Harold,” she said, “Harold, what are we going to do? What on earth do children eat these days?”
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“If you don’t shut up at once,” said Mama to the whining three year old girl in the grocery cart, “Daddy won’t share his jumbo bottle of Pepsi and his nachos and cheese with you tonight, isn’t that right Daddy? Now show her what she’ll be missing if she doesn’t shut right up.”

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“I CAN SO tell the difference, listen to me,” yelled the man on the cell phone as he leaned over the meats in the delicatessen, “Will. You. Listen. To. Me. They come in round only. They don’t come square. I’m going to hang up on you if you don’t shut up and listen. They don’t come square. Do you want round? I said, do you want round? I’m hanging up NOW!” Click and an almighty “F***!”

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“ Good Lord, “ I said to the woman ahead of me at the checkout. “Twelve pounds of cream cheese? It looks like you’re going to be doing some baking!”

“Well, I’m not bakin’, ” she said, “Not me. But I asked them all what they wanted for Christmas and they said cream cheese.”
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16 comments:

  1. The worst one is the woman with the bottle of Pepsi and the nachos and cheese. Imagine having her for a mother!

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  2. That cream cheese will sure be ripe by Christmas!

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  3. No wonder I see people with such strange combinations of food in their supermarket trolley if they all think along such bizarre lines. Nowt so queer as folk.

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  4. LOL!!! Thanks for the titters.

    Any supermarket, any day - all human life is there!

    Cellphones should be banned in supermarkets, they should be handed in at the door and collected on the way out. People on cellphones in supermarkets are a menace. If a person can't compile a simple shopping list on a piece of scrap paper, put it in their pocket, and toddle off to the s/mkt, then they ought not to be allowed out of the house. ;-)

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  5. @GSW:
    to say I was appalled at this is to put it mildly!
    @Laurie:
    I was too after I shook my head in disbelief at the foibles of humanity!
    @GM:
    I was literally struck dumb by the response. Maybe she hates the world, she did look angry.
    @Nick:
    Well 'food' would be a very loose term for what you see in carts these days!
    @T:
    But these morons who need to consult home base every inch of their way through the aisles would be utterly lost. Have some pity, woman!
    XO
    WWW

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  6. Too funny, I love it! You (I mean "one") could do a whole blog on just what you overhear at the supermarket. What a great source of entertainment (excepting perhaps the Moms swatting and yelling at their kids trying to make them behave in the grocery cart). Insane asylum is right.

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  7. Annie:
    Or a book. I can't believe what I hear sometimes. Not to mention the unfortunates who don't have enough money but wait till they're in line to pick and choose what they're paying for.
    XO
    WWW

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  8. WWW, love your writing and your blog. Adding it to my favorites ASAP. What a wonderful discovery!

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  9. Welcome Elizabeth and thanks for your kind comment.
    XO
    WWW

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  10. Were you in Walmart by chance? lol

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  11. Brighid,
    No, I don't shop Walmart, it was in Sobey's which is a grocery chain in Canada. But I'm sure other stores have the same stories I was surrounded by!
    XO
    WWW

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  12. aa...what food does to us all....

    Interesting.... I just posted something about food in my blog.... Great minds think alike! :):)

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  13. I'm on my way over to your place, Nevin!
    XO
    WWW

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