Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Still Missing, One Child.


It rolls around again, this date, this oh so important date, December 9th.

More important this year. For this year she is forty. My missing daughter is forty. A milestone age for some. Maybe not for her. Who knows?

None of us knows, you see. We her family. Her extended family and the friends she left behind. Last we heard she was in Bristol. She has chosen to cut herself free from all ties to her past and live without a visible familial history.

I speculate as to how that feels. To float freely in the universe without acknowledging either parent. Or your sister. Or your niece or your uncles or your aunts. Would one wonder about them at all? Would childhood memories surface? Would the twenty eight years one lived with one’s mother intrude on the present? Does any of that matter?

Meanwhile, I’m making a scrapbook. Of photos, of little bits and pieces, report cards, cards she gave me over the years like the one above.

And I light a candle for her. And hope that she is well. And my heart aches. And I reach out to her father and her sister in our shared hurt and loss.

Happy Birthday, baby.

15 comments:

  1. Oh, what an awful hurt you carry.

    Sending lots of affection your way.

    xoxo

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  2. Big warm hug coming to you, WWW.
    My husband had a lost daughter too, but she surfaced in her mid-40s and is now on good terms with him now. So don't give up hope. Maturity brings change. But husband's runaway daughter herself has 2 daughters, one of these has cut herself off from her mother too.

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  3. How very sad that you've lost touch in such an upsetting way. One can only hope that as the years go by she mellows and makes contact again.

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  4. There's nothing I can say, WWW, because I can't begin to imagine the pain you're feeling. My heart aches for you.

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  5. I read all the links you provided regarding the disappearance of your daughter. I must admit, I am a little shocked and sad to know you have no contact with your daughter. I can not imagine anything more painful then loosing ones child(ren).

    I hope she is reading your blog and will get in touch with you. I hope she will come to her senses and contact her parents, who has given her life, love and affection....

    Please do not be upset with me when I say, I am also a little angry with her.... no matter what a mother or a father does, it is not worth staying away.... disappearing like a free floating balloon (like you say).... :(

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  6. What a beautiful piece of poetry. You certainly meant a lot to her at that point in time. It is nice to do a scrap book. Put warm memory messages on every page. Have her sister and father write some and mail them to you to put in as well. Keep a daily journal and write to her everyday telling her what you are doing and how she is there with you everyday. She will get both some day and it will mean the world to her. Hope it will be some day soon. Never give up hope.

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  7. Bittersweet anniversary. So sorry for the sorrow that must cause. I hope she one day can reconnect.

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  8. @Vicki:
    Thank you for the kinds words.
    @T:
    A topic that has always fascinated me is the way patterns repeat in families in the absence of enlightenment - this is evidenced by your stepdaughter. Your story gives me hope.
    @Nick:
    I do hope so, she was not a very happy girl, made poor partner choices (and they with her too!).
    @Tessa:
    It is a feeling akin to missing a limb, I would think, a gaping hole.
    thank you.
    @Nevin:
    Part of my struggle is in accepting her decision to do this. She is no longer 'my' child - and are they ever really? She is not a mother herself so can have no concept of the pain she has caused.I hope she gets help with her inner demons.
    @Anon:
    I do write to her periodically and this scrapbook is very therapeutic.
    Thank you!

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  9. I am a day late, but you will be in my thoughts at this time.

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  10. I cannot imagine the pain this must cause you. Keep the faith, sometimes, just sometimes the window becomes a door.

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  11. Brighid:
    Most times I feel there are no windows, though, but thank you.
    XO
    WWW

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  12. I have two daughters, one who recently turned 40. I hold you in my heart, dear friend.
    love,
    v

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  13. WWW---don't know what brought me here exactly. Must have clicked on something in a more recent post (I was catching up as Blogger hasn't tipped me off lately when you post!)My heart hurts for you as I have some heartbreak with one of my grown children too.....But they say you should never give up. Maybe, fingers crossed, she'll allow you back into her life one day soon....
    Hugs from Molly

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