Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Yes, this is my 500th post. I can hardly believe it. This whole thing started in July of 2005. A lot of words, a lot of expounding and reflection, a lot of new friends made. Thank you all for reading me and offering me your excellent insights and support. I wouldn't be here without you!

And it's appropriate that I write today about a potential friend - alas now not to be - who fell into my life through this blog.

I often wonder what mythology I wrap myself up in as I go out there into previously unexplored territories. I’m talking about the possibility, or not, of forming a new friendship.

I imagine it’s impossible to take a long hard look at oneself and see the persona we present to the world.

I try not to sit in judgement of anyone. We are all fragile after all and I try and live by two main principles:

“My rights end exactly where yours begin.”


”Be kinder than necessary, everyone I meet is fighting some kind of battle.”

On the whole, this seems to work and stops me in judging others too much. It was a major defect of character for me. I could get into the whys and wherefores of all of that but I won’t. At some point in our lives we have to take full responsibility for our behaviours and change them if they are causing us too much pain and pointing fingers backwards achieves nothing.

I met with someone the other day that I’d never met before. A reader of my blog who was intrigued enough to email me several times and then ask if I would meet with him for a coffee and chat.

Well, there’s no stopping me now, since I met Annie (my first F2F blog buddy encounter) so I agreed to meet with him. His emails had been delightful, he was well read, articulate and charming and in the same generation as myself. A no brainer.

Things went wrong rather rapidly. He was easy on the eye, well educated and insisted on hugging when we met (in a public place, I should add!).

I won’t get into all of what we talked about in the time we were together.

But amid normal conversation, he started several rants.

One was on people that use the “I” word all the time, one of which includes his son. He had no time for them, he wished they would all go away as he wasn’t interested in them.

One was on homosexuals, not that he had any problem with them, but he disliked how they conducted themselves with their limp wrested approach to life. I said I knew many homosexuals but none who behaved like he said and how on earth did they affect his passage on this planet? Silence. Did he know any personally? Silence.

The clincher came when I told him I was conducting writing workshops where I live.
I was treated to a rant about how I could never get anyone to participate, people ‘out there’ wouldn’t be interested, ‘they’ weren’t educated enough, I must be mental. I told him I had a waiting list. Silence.

I had this queasy feeling in my stomach as I stood up. I really don’t know what that was about except that perhaps I’m maybe too sheltered by dear and darling friends and don’t realize that these completely close-minded ignoramuses WALK AMONG US. And I’d just met one.

And yes, he’ll probably read this. And wonder why I won’t meet him again. Ever.

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Blogger karin said...

Please be careful dear WWW. There unforunately are many close-minded people out there.

Wed Jan 27, 04:55:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Oh I am Karin, he still doesn't know where I live and I don't anticipate any trouble from him, I've chalked it all up to experience and people mispresenting who they are on initial contact.

Wed Jan 27, 05:25:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Anonymous Rhea said...

That sounds like a crazy interaction. Yikes!

Wed Jan 27, 06:26:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Sean Jeating said...

Congratulations! Twice ... :)

Wed Jan 27, 07:32:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Jo said...

Congratulations on the Blogiversary! I am incredibly impressed!

And I am sorry that the friendship turned out to be not what it seemed on the box. There are far too many people out there who can't see past their own little world. I'm always very wary of the "Not that I've got anything against..." opening to a speech - it always seems to end with a list of all the problems, very few of which are in any way true!

Wed Jan 27, 08:06:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Not so much crazy as there are many like him out there with such hang-ups and prejudices and I believe they carry it around to make themselves feel better.

Wed Jan 27, 11:09:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Thanks Sean!

Wed Jan 27, 11:09:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

You nailed it, it is always the precursor to a bigot's speech.

And people are not always what they pretned to be!


Wed Jan 27, 11:11:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger laurie said...

if i were to meet you face to face i would not waste the time in that ridiculous manner! his loss, his great loss.
and congratulations on 500!

Thu Jan 28, 12:07:00 AM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Frankly his entrenched belief system I found appalling. And how well hidden it was prior to my meeting with him.
Thanks for the congrats!

Thu Jan 28, 01:15:00 AM GMT-3:30  
Anonymous nick said...

What a bitter disappointment when he seemed so promising from his emails. A very twisted and negative mind at work there, for sure. At least now you've met and know not to waste any more time on him.

Thu Jan 28, 06:10:00 AM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Pauline said...

I can't imagine (well, with that inauspicious beginning he won't want to meet me, either) that if he reads your post, he'll wonder why you won't meet him again. A pity he has no eye for other "I"s as he sounds pretty self - congratulatory ;)

Speaking of, congratulations on the big 500!

Thu Jan 28, 08:43:00 AM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Annie said...

Congrats on 500th!

Sorry about the disappointing meeting! So sad. He could have had a wonderful friend.

Thu Jan 28, 09:14:00 AM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Nevin said...

First up... Congratulations on the 500th post!

Second... WAW... that was close.... I am glad he doesn't know where you live... :)

Thu Jan 28, 10:55:00 AM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

And I also had several phone conversations with him too. He was well tamped down!!
I'm quite amazed I didn't pick up on something weird in him!

Thu Jan 28, 12:15:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

LOL! I don't know how he expected others to conduct a conversation with him, unless it was seated silently at the feet of the master!

Thu Jan 28, 12:17:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Thank you. I think you've spoiled me for meeting off blog!!

Thu Jan 28, 12:17:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

He could easily find me due to some publicity recently but I'm not worried he's a physical threat, more like he could pepper me senseless with his "I"s!

Thu Jan 28, 12:19:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Government Funded Blogger said...

"At some point in our lives we have to take full responsibility for our behaviours and change them if they are causing us too much pain and pointing fingers backwards achieves nothing."
Like that. Congrats on your 500th post. A Wisewebwoman indeed !

Thu Jan 28, 02:18:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Twilight said...

EEEeeek! I (or should I use the royal "we" in case he's reading this?) had a couple of similar experiences back in the UK, when I agreed to meet people who on-line, on the phone and in e-mails had seemed like my kind of people.
They were not! Our intuitive antennae can sometimes bring in faulty signals.

Congrats on the 500 WWW ! We hope for 500 more.

Thu Jan 28, 03:12:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Anonymous Grannymar said...

500 Congratulations for 500 posts!

Sorry the meet-up didn't work out. I am very fortunate with having met so many bloggers through the Blogging community in Ireland. I have met a few on their own for a coffee, but always in a public place where my face is known and informed someone where I was going made sure they had my mobile number and approximate arrival home time.

Thu Jan 28, 05:01:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Someone singing from my songbook, I see!
Thank you, kind sir, for your good wishes....

Thu Jan 28, 05:17:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Oh I so agree. Everything prior to the meeting pointed in the opposite direction. He is excellent at putting out the right kind of bait, and funnily enough used that lingo one night on the phone about reeling me in. ha-ha. Well, he did!!
Thanks for your good wishes, my dear lady!!

Thu Jan 28, 05:20:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Oh I used all kinds of precautions alright and it was totally public, even the parking lot was public.
I still don't know what he hoped to achieve being quite the "Janus".
Thanks for your good wishes, my Irish friend!

Thu Jan 28, 05:21:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Anonymous Duchess said...

I just managed 100, but it took me so long I didn't think I should boast about it.

I wonder why your fan had you so wrong!

Sat Jan 30, 06:50:00 PM GMT-3:30  

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