Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Through the Doorway



I had all the symptoms of serious malaise. Exhausted (though I prefer the word enervated)coupled with a mild depression(I say mild because I've had a serious relationship with severe) with the "what's it all about Alfie"-ness of the situation just about doing my head in and feeling I was wearing a cloak of invisibility. I want to snap "who cares" at anyone who dares ask me how I am, but I'm better brought up than that so I resort to "i vant to be left alone" a la Garbo but without her money or her gorgeousness and with far more manners. I couldn't force myself out of it and I refuse to medicate.

I just hated leaving Toronto this time and all my good family/friends and lovely clients there. I spent some marvellous five hour lunches/dinners with some where we got caught up on all the doings.

I wouldn't trade living here for anything but I'd like to package up the dear ones and move them in here. So funk happened. A blue funk of loneliness and a lot of work and deadlines and the why-mes waiting around for me to convert them into why-not-mes.

And today is a biting sun-drenched indigo day on the bay and I awoke and got up at dawn. My dreams had been astonishing. Albeit about someone else (other facets of myself as I've learned). I was telling this other someone to "Suck and chew the marrow out of life."

A message obviously for me.

Early this morning, I walked through the shadowed doorway into sunlight and an astonishing lifting of spirits. I feel renewed, refreshed and ready to start some serious sucking and chewing.

Bring it on!

20 comments:

  1. I am glad the bird of depression has flown once more, may it find a home on a far distant shore.

    Welcome to the bright side.

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  2. I know what that's all about. We are fellow travelers in that land of mental health. Thank goodness that moods lift again, though it's tough to go through the dark ones. They do wear you out so much. It's great when the spirits lift again. As long as they don't lift you too high, as is my case. Enjoy your super mood.

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  3. Thanks GM for your always kinds words.
    XO
    WWW

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  4. Yes kindred spirits Irene. The fragility of it all is what I don't seem to recognise when I am going through, an inconsequential word thrown my way can send me sideways.
    And I'm very careful with whom I share it when I'm in it.
    XO
    WWW

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  5. It's a bit of a see-sawing lifestyle you have, WWW - and not surprising that you suffer some wibbly-wobblies during transition times. I hope your now lifted spirits continue aloft :-)

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  6. I hope that what was brought on lived up to your expectations. All the best.

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  7. "I walked through the shadowed doorway into sunlight and an astonishing lifting of spirits."

    A beautiful metaphor WWW.

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  8. You'll just have to visit Toronto more often. Or persuade your Toronto chums to move to Newfoundland.

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  9. Anointed by the indigo. Once again.

    xo

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  10. Hey WWW, glad to see you back on the sunny side xxxxx

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  11. T:
    Wibbly-wobblies, of course. And oh yes, now aloft!
    XO
    WWW

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  12. GFB:
    Why thank you kind sir!
    *curtsey*
    XO
    WWW

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  13. Nick:
    Far far easier said than done!!!
    XO
    WWW

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  14. Orla:
    "Anointed".
    And by the stars and moon on the water tonight. Yes.
    XO
    WWW

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  15. Hull!!!!!!
    Where have you been my dear wee Scottish Blog bud??
    And thank you!
    XO
    WWW

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  16. Know what you mean. I've been having a wonderful time lately - yet still manage to feel anxious for some unknown reason.

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  17. Still reading your blog on my 'Ay-Phone@ ma darlin' but just not commenting.

    Much love Eileean xxxx

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