Sunday, September 13, 2015

CBs Anonymous


I've had more than my fair share of these lately. CBs - my code name for Crashing Bores.

While I start out with a great deal of sympathy for them, as the time elongates and elongates my nerves start to jangle, I have to come up with more and more questions to keep the conversation flowing. And the CB answers run into a full length novel ("I opened the door of the car, but had to go back in the house for my purse and then the phone went and I was late for my doctor who took another patient which upset me as I was meeting Elsie at Tim Horton's which didn't have my morning glory muffin, good for my bowels"....you know the drill) or conversely a monosyllable. I don't know which is worse.

I've been afflicted with several in the last few weeks. I think what bothers me most is their complete and utter lack of self-awareness. Not even a smidgin. Followed quickly by their astonishing lack of curiosity as to the world around them and specifically to the people who inquire after their health or their opinions or their wellbeing.

I had an unexpected CB last night. An acquaintance from yonks ago. We didn't hang out then but she has chased me over the years on email.

I live in a small village. She remembered the name of the village and inquired in our small store and he was kind enough to lead her to my house. At 8.00pm when it was raining and getting dark.

And she stayed and stayed and regaled me of how she was in the business of helping people as she was like Mother Theresa that way, her role model, always thinking of others and how she could help them and she thought she might set up a kind of monastery in Newfoundland for all those people needing help, I would be amazed at the number of people she has helped with her wisdom, a gift from JC high above, only very few got this gift so she was thankful every day she was so gifted, she knew how rare it was and most people, probably me too, didn't understand or appreciate all she had to offer us unfortunates, she could lay on hands if I wanted her to - no? - I didn't know what I was missing as she had this gift...........

For a few hours I endured this. I had to lie to get rid of her, not a nice lie either, a sleazy kind of lie about my "friend" sleeping over, nudge-nudge, wink-wink.

And after she left, I thought: Crashing Bores Anonymous. Where CBs would work there way through a socialization structure, starting with forcing themselves to ask just one question of an acquaintance or family member a week (they could practise with each other) building up to a full conversational interaction after a year or two. Or more.

But then I thought: But these unfortunates never, ever have the self-awareness to recognize their problem. Even when their targets fall asleep in front of them.

It's all rather hopeless really isn't it?

20 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I thought it an emergency of some kind Ernestine and as I have a municipal position, I have to be responsive. I wish I could have ducked her.
      XO
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  2. Ha, had me laughing which takes a bit at present. Know the beast well, the medical community is chock-a-block with the little dears.
    I think in addition they should have to wear a placard around their necks..."Warning: Crashing Boor".
    Cheers,
    Mike

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    1. I had one at my dinner table last week, kinda sorta related and OMG, you should have heard him on Syria. I think we were all at stroke level by the time he got up from the table.

      I'm glad I made you laugh - I hope you're doing OK.

      XO
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  3. I've certainly met my fair share of crashing bores over the years. Starting with my mother and my mother in law, who are both utterly self-obsessed and never show the slightest curiosity about my own life and what I'm doing. I could tell them I was the only survivor of a horrific plane crash that killed 290 people and they'd go straight on with whatever they were talking about before I spoke. As you say, most crashing bores simply don't have the self-awareness to realise how boring and self-fixated they are. So all you can do is avoid them - for your own sanity.

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    1. But you forget their secret weapon of seek and destroy Nick - they always always always catch me without warning or preparation. I am a great liar but I need a bit of prep time :)

      They suck the marrow right out of ya, as my granny would say. I was like a limp rag when she left and incapable of continuing what I was doing (editing) prior.

      Damn and blast these oblivious nincompoops anyway. And for you to have to suffer from two in the family takes the cake :(

      XO
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  4. I like your CB designation for these...may I borrow it? Full credit to you, of course. If you think this lady's bad, you might want to take a gander at my latest...things went from CB to boorish in nothing flat.

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    1. OMG E same person different week but I truly believe yours was worse as CBs in public can be a nightmare as they can run our of control like dogs off leash.
      XO
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  5. Ha Ha! Yes, one does run into these! I met one (a stranger) yesterday who went on and on and gave me far more detail about her daily doings than I had any interest in whatsoever, but I not only let her ramble, I then even (fool) asked her a fricking question! which encouraged her to continue on!

    As we do; people are kind and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by letting their disinterest show. I am pretty sure that sometimes when I'm talking, the listener is struggling not to let her eyes glaze over; and it's only rarely that I remember that it's not only other people who aren't self-aware every moment, and not only me that has to force herself to look interested. And you know, it's not that easy to shut the hell up in a middle of a conversation where I am doing plenty of the talking! What is it about that momentum that forces us to carry through to the end, even when we have an inkling that we shouldn't?

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    1. I think you're too hard on yourself. I've jumped in when a CB holds a room hostage and I start asking questions like a mad woman to wake up the others in the room so we can drown out CB.
      XO
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    2. Well at least -- I hope -- I didn't sound too "Oprah" in my comment!

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    3. I think you are a very interesting person and far too self aware to ever penalize other soul with drivel and interminable self-regard :)
      XO
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    4. And that is why YOU are my favourite person.
      :)

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  6. Ugh. I hate bores. My husband is not a bore, but his family is full of them. (Shudders...)

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    1. I know. They can kill any social event faster than a drone. But sometimes our attendance is unavoidable. I know in the past we've taken shifts.
      XO
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  7. You are too nice about these things. Isn’t getting older meant to save you from the finer kind of feeling that allows others to pester you with their self-regarding, self-righteous clap-trap? When I feel my eyes glazing over I turn my back. And not nicely, either.

    I long ago stopped wanting others to like me, and certainly not those whom I don’t like.

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    1. Oh Friko, these CBs were in my house, I did my best to rid myself of them fast. BUT I was taken unawares unfortunately.
      XO
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  8. I will not show as much patience and consideration that you did. I would simply excuse myself citing some imagined chore and disappear. But you have given me an idea to start a local chapter of the CBA and know exactly the person who I will recruit to be Bill.

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