Wednesday, September 02, 2015

What kind of a world is this?



We are a sad, sad, species.

Why?

I have to question the sanity of us all when a helpless 19 year old girl moves far, far away from her family 50 years ago to give birth to a child "out of wedlock". Her parents and friends don't know about the pregnancy. It would be a cause of enormous shame and embarrassment. Girls who got pregnant without the sanctity of the ring around their fingers were sluts and the parents who gave birth to these sluts were shamed and often shunned. The tentacles and condemnation and judgement of the RC church was everywhere, even in Canada. Especially in Montreal.

So this 19 year old found an obscure town on a map of Ontario and gave birth in the local small town hospital and insisted on keeping the child. She had to fight to keep this baby as the chaplain and the holy sisters of the hospital were adamant in their lectures about the "child's best interests."

She left the hospital with the baby in a blanket and caught a bus to her rooming house and her money was running out so she asked around, in shops and the neighbourhood, about a private care home for the child and found one. She then secured a job in a nearby city. And commuted to her rooming house and paid the care home for the 5 day care of her daughter. She'd pick her up on Friday night and then spend the weekend with her. And this went on for 9 months, her life revolving around her job with its long hours, the minescule paycheques, the payment to the care home and her weekends with the baby.

And then, out of the blue, the temporary care parents took her to court. They said the child was upset at being disrupted every weekend. They didn't think the mother was fit. Their children were grown and gone. They could dedicate themselves to ensuring this child had a better quality of life than what this irresponsible single mother was offering.

And the 19 year old pleaded at the judge's bench she had to work to support the child, she saw her every chance she got, she was studying every night of the week after work so that the two of them could have a better life, maybe a live-in nanny.

Her tears and eventual sobs fell on deaf ears. The judge ruled in the care couple's favour and they could proceed with formally adopting the child. The mother was classified as unfit.

Years later, years and years, she reconnected with the child. The child refused to meet with her. Over and over and over again.

She said she would never, ever forgive her for "giving her up," even when she knew she was dying.

The other side of this story has never been written.

And I wish it was.




13 comments:

  1. What a sad ending to such a sad tale. Too often in this world of ours decisions regarding a child's welfare are the WRONG ONES. People are so very hurt in the process and the wounds seem unable to heal.

    Jo

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know Jo. As you say, these wounds never heal and are carried forever and often acted out in terrible ways. I just finished writing a eulogy for this wonderful woman and I cried all through it.
    XO
    WWW

    ReplyDelete
  3. Life sure as hell isn't fair, is it. And it's so wrong sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Terribly wrong with catastrophic effects on all concerned. This particular instant of it has grieved me for years. You don't recover from this, it shaped my friend.
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  4. Where I live and work this is still a common story. Every aboriginal parent in this country lives under the constant threat of being deemed unfit and having their children ripped from their arms. Mostly they are raised in a place the parents can't access (there were approximately 46 children from the coast of Labrador being fostered in Roddickton last year!) and often without their language or any of their culture. That's why I get mental when people ask me about the Truth & Reconciliation report. How can there be reconciliation when it still continues?
    I'm deeply sorry and appalled at what your friend endured and horrified that the people who raised her daughter were so lacking in confidence that they had to villify her mother. What a tragedy -everyone lost.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You see it first hand Jan. It is heartbreaking. I know many victims of the "rez" situation and it ripples onwards through the generations. It is criminal what was done to the most vulnerable. My friend included.
      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  5. There are so many horror stories from the time when giving birth "out of wedlock" was still seen as deeply shameful. The emotional scars left on all those involved were dreadful. As Jan says, why did the care couple have to vilify her mother? Wasn't ripping her away from her real parent enough for them?

    ReplyDelete
  6. The rage of the daughter was insurmountable Nick and my friend tried and tried. I would love to know what she was told, it must have been horrific.

    XO
    WWW

    ReplyDelete
  7. Replies
    1. We are stories Ernestine, aren't we? It's not our bodies that will be remembered but our stories.

      XO
      WWW

      Delete
  8. Very often the legal system delivers judgements but does not deliver justice. There are stories like this in all cultures and countries and when you know one of the affected parties, the question that you ask as to why the story of the other side does not get heard is a poignant reminder of our vulnerability.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true Ramana, and it has happened to my female friends more often than I care to count. Condemned to a lifetime of pain because they dared to bring a child into the world alone.
      the question I invariably ask is :Where on earth are the father, why are they not accountable in this picture?
      XO
      WWW

      Delete

  9. My Name is Anita.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my boyfriend back and he means so much to me..The boy i want to get marred to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another girl..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on his facebook and he changed her facebook status from engaged to Single...when i went to her place of work he told his boss he dont want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have him back,all did not work out until i met a prophet when i Travelled to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i didn't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to Us the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My boyfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all he had done ..he said,he never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and he promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from him and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my girlfriend called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my man back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com I cant give out his number cos he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck:Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com.Once Again His Email Address Is:Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete

Some of you are having trouble, I've removed captcha and verification so we'll see how that goes. My apologies. Blogger is putting up far too many roadblocks. Thanks for the emails alerting me.
wisewebwomanatgmail.com