Saturday, March 05, 2016

Crossroads

Many questions.

Few answers.

Processing thoughts, some conflicting or rubbing off each other in sparks.

Questions:

How do you make major decisions in your life?

Intuition?

Evaluation - pro and contra columns?

Talk to loved ones that you trust?

Throw it out there to the universe (something like I'm doing right now!)

Yeah, I am at a crossroads.

Sometimes we just run into ourselves head on.

Time is far more precious to me than it ever was.

And there's not enough of the tempus thing. It fugits through my fingers.

All week I was running, 5 days of it. Meetings, training, seminars. Non-stop it seemed.

This old house has lost its magic, it needs too much attention from me along with Elder Dog, Ansa. I need most of my attention for me now.

And I'm fresh out, overnight it seems, of the magic-steam of helping others.

Nervously, I ran the insides of my brain under Daughter's gaze yesterday. And she validated everything I was saying. She'd been reluctant to broach Crossroads with me. Relief was enormous. For both of us.

There is no one else, apart from My Dear Dead Ones, that I would trust with offering me support or advice or compassion or wisdom.

Like I said: Crossroads.

Major.

Thoughts?



42 comments:

  1. I can only share my own experience with you. By now I have learnt to trust my instinct and so will not spend too much time deciding on the road to take. I will simply follow my instinct.

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    1. Thank you Ramana, my instincts are quite loud on this situation.

      XO
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  2. I think you've got it. Evaluate your options, consult your friends, depend on your daughter, then go with your gut. We all face crossroads; so please just know that our thoughts and our hearts are with you all the way.

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    1. Thank you Tom for the words of wisdom. Gut has always been what I followed in the past - so why not now?

      XO
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  3. I'm pretty sure I use all of those but my intuition leads. As I reflect back on decisions I've made l feel rather thrilled at how right my most impulsive and sometimes derided decisions were. Good pluck to you my deario!

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    1. I talked (for 3 hours!) to a good friend in Ontario. The ranks have thinned, we commented, so few of us now from the 'used-to-bes'. She's very wise. Said the same thing you did Jan and then added "with gentle urgency" which I thought was just perfect, so I wrote it down.

      XO
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  4. My gut has rarely failed me...and if you need time for yourself, daughter and dog, feel no shame in saying so and taking it. Hugs and best to you.

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    1. It's all jelling quite nicely now, E, thank you. The process has begun. Internally. Gently.

      XO
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  5. I read this post with interest. I am almost at the crossroads where you find yourself. I know that my time in this home that I've loved is running out. Where to go? What more to do to downsize? I do find that I'm not nearly as tied to the accumulations and collections that I was, --even last year. Maybe if knew where to go, how to do it, I could do it before the decision has to be made for me.

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    1. I've always been one to anticipate - even a little - NJ and I'd rather make the decisions myself in peace and quiet and not have them handled by Daughter as she has health issues herself. I'd recommend sitting down and evaluating where you think the next move should be? Peacefully and stressfully. Letting go is so hard, isn't it.
      Keep me updated, I believe we're in the same stage of life.

      XO
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  6. How do I make all decisions in your life?

    I follow my Intuition & trust my instinct, it works for me every time. Live for today and let tomorrow be a surprise.

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    1. Some planning is needed GM, I do trust my intuition, it has never failed me yet. I try and live for the day but this is one major decision and requires care and attention. Though I do feel it's the right one.

      XO
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  7. Crossroads. I don't feel right now that I have choices to make, except in very private matters. I do worry that on the home front I'm becoming somewhat detached from society, happy to socialize with a handful of friends, do a little work for the League of Women Voters: not very high energy.
    My cat is a role model. He's 15, and a patch of sunlight on the deck that he can warm himself in and occasional table scraps satisfy him. Once he was a fearless ratter and defender of his territory, but he's happy enough now to leave it all to younger cats.
    My daughters are not people I can talk over intimate matters with. Don't know why that is. But my husband is still my best friend. Travel perks me up.

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    1. Your lucky in your relationship Hattie. Yes I find too much socializing wears me out. Every day running from one thing to another seems pointless now too. Successful aging is where I'm at in intention anyway. Making stuff happen before it happens to me :)

      XO
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  8. Once again
    right there with you.
    I love my cottage by the woods,
    so much to do,
    have downscaled 3 times in the past.
    So now
    I think
    I would not be happy in a senior development,
    but do miss special people and thoughts
    just need to leave my surroundings once in a while,
    but then I do not like venturing out.
    Less expensive to stay here
    with a little help (and always done everything myself in the past)
    to sell, give away and move
    do not think at the moment is wise for me.
    Just wish family would visit more often
    but then
    they are busy with their lives
    and children.
    So
    one day at a time,
    keep moving, exercise, eat well, pray
    and trust my gut.

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    1. Yes, trust your gut always Ernestine. You'll know when the time comes. One of my saddest reflections is on my own grandmother and why I didn't see more of her as we loved each other so much. But I was so busy with a very full life. Our children and grandchildren are the same. We wouldn't want it otherwise, would we? I mean they need to see us with joy and not with guilt or neediness.
      I am so glad your son is coming from abroad.

      XO
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  9. So you've finally decided to move to Saskatchewan! Long overdue, I say.
    :)

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    1. LOL, I did like Sask. Only there once and to Regina for a wedding. I drove with a friend down through Chicago, etc. I did most of the driving. Amazing landscapes. But you know, the sea is in my very marrow, I can't leave it.

      XO
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  10. One thing I have learned the more you talk over things with people you can trust to talk to the more an answer comes to you. I was such an extremely private, figure it out myself. person for a long time. Now I reach out and, man, it has made such a difference in my life. Sounds like you have found people that you can do that with and this is a gift to you. You'll find out what you need to do. Keep reaching out.

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    1. Yes, some are new in my life, others old but not too old but the kindness and genuine compassion for my situation is there and I trust it, Judi. I might be the first of my particular circle to face this crossroads and take an action step.

      XO
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  11. When I was your young age I would write myself a letter. Dear Betty;
    Hi Stranger - your problem seems to be this, that and the other. Bear in mind that a problem well stated is a problem half solved...now do your best to put it into words ... your choices are this, that and the other. I wish you [me] good luck.
    love, Betty

    Don't worry Wise. You seem to have a spark and you will carry it with you wherever you go and whatever you do. I would just say don't be careful - be bold!
    love,
    Betty
    Now I will read the other comments and hope I'm not repeating what others have said.

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    1. Thank you Betty my dear. I know you only through this blog and it is as though we sit by the fire and chat, my fellow artist. You are truly an inspiration both with your fire and life and artistry. And daring.
      I was second guessing myself today in this most beautiful day of water and sky having a dance. BUT.

      XO
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  12. Every time in my life I haven't followed my gut feeling/instinct but listened to others (the oh so well meaning ones with vested interests in your every move) I have regretted it.

    I like crossroads (both the metaphorical ones and the literal ones). There you are in the middle of nowhere, so map, no street sign. Brilliant. Just turn left. Oh, WWW, I can't tell you how many times I have found treasure just by veering off the trodden path. Naturally, getting lost (as I do) takes time. And in that I share your lament about time seemingly speeding up which, sometimes, means you need to retrace your steps pretty damn quick.

    I wish you luck whatever your current crossroad holds for the future. You strike me as someone who is a "good" person with a zest for life and love of other people. To put it another way: If I needed advice or a kick up my backside I'd be more than happy to listen to your take on whatever dilemma may befall me.

    All the best, and most affectionately,
    U

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    1. Thanks U. Yes, instint/gut is not to be minimized, it is the key, listen to the small voice within. It knows what do. I gaze upon the water outside my window and would hate leaving here but I'd never want to leave when I hate the place. If you understand.

      leaving with love.

      XO
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  13. I need to think this one over for a few days. Are you talking about a house move? xxx

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    1. Yes, dear Anne, I am curious as to your thoughts.

      XO
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    2. Sorry I didn't see this reply box - I've replied further down the page. xx

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  14. Please send me an e-mail...I have some thoughts...

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  15. Very tricky one. I assume you're talking about downsizing and accepting all your medical problems. I think the others are right, in the end you have to trust your own instincts, whatever they're telling you. I don't know you well enough to give you any serious advice. But what a shame if you have to move from your beloved house by the sea.

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    1. Up in the air Nick, and yes, instincts are very good. I haven't been on here much as emotions got in the way of a lot of my thinking but I'm back in the saddle, so to speak, again.

      XO
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  16. I think you've got a great curiosity for life - wondering what's round the next corner, what might a new home be like, what might another bit of coast be like. I think you'll pick at it and pick at it, the what-ifs, until it maybe happens. There may be all sorts of practical reasons why you should move somewhere more age-appropriate but I have a feeling that that won't be your guiding light. Maybe you're just ready for the next adventure! Whatever you decide I do hope you take us with you! xxx

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    1. Anne, writing is like breathing to me, they would have to pry the blog from my cold dead hands, lol.

      No not age appropriate move, more on the lines of stress free.

      XO
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    2. In that case I look forward to seeing what you do next... xxx

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  17. DON'T LEAVE...that place IS YOU...go down lovin' where you're at, not regretting a slow molder to final decline in some convenient high polished oceanside cubicle...RAGE RAGE AGAINST THE DYING OF THE LIGHT...LOL! At any rate that's what to do IMHO and I ain't no spring chickadee either my friend;D..,There, now, did you have a visceral reaction to that one way or the other...okay now you know what to do! You're Welcome.

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    1. Anon - boy I wonder do you know me IRL? I'd love to rage but this old house is proving more and more of a challenge for me. I do love it so. We'll see....nothing is immediate.

      XO
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  18. I talk it out and make lists. By then, I find, that my body is reacting adversely, with dread, to the thought of one choice and moving toward another. So, in the end, I guess it's my gut, my instinct, whatever one calls it that makes the choice. I can't always act on that choice. These decisions aren't always easier in a marriage, with someone to discuss these issues. My health issues are leading me one direction right now and have been for the last couple of years, while my husband, more able than I am, prefers to stay put. We live in a wonderful neighborhood with people who care about each other, but there are zero options for mass transit out here in the boonies. I'm relegated to depending on my ever-willing husband to get me anywhere I need to go.

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    1. Linda, that has its own set of drawbacks, doesn't it. I'm still driving, still active, still involved, always in the being, sometimes in the doing and absolutely love my life out here but doctors are always a drive away along with drug-store, dental care, vet care, even post officing. So I am looking ahead and living alone has huge drawbacks at my age.

      XO
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  19. Trust yourself. You already know what to do ;)

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  20. Sounds like you're assessing your situation well -- employing what I think of as important paths to travel in order to make a decision. I don't really know you but gather you're an independent sort, perhaps much like myself.

    Sounds as though aging changes coupled with health care needs have given you reason to reassess what your current or eminently future needs are likely to be. Perhaps, like me, you've planned to "live in place", but circumstances are such for you now as to give you second thoughts about the wisdom of doing so for your own peace of mind and that of loved ones.

    Some of my thoughts:
    Do I have easy access to and from various appointments plus any desired activities, with transportation systems, if driving myself isn't always possible?

    Is my geographic location such that should I need some medical care at home, is there appropriate care readily available? Can I afford it at that time?

    Can I readily get home delivery for pharmaceuticals, food, should that be needed in the future?

    Is assistance with home interior care available if it is eventually needed and can I afford it?

    Most recently I've encountered unique unexpected house upkeep expenses inside and outside in addition to necessary landscaping changes due to state required water conservation as a consequence of a drought. These factors alone have given me reason to reassess my own situation.

    So much depends on the status of my mental and physical state which, as we all know, is unpredictable -- literally -- change can occur in a moment. Am I comfortable living alone knowing that?

    If I left my home, where would I want to go -- a retirement community with all levels of care so I don't have to move again? Would I move closer to my adult children, or near friends -- but what if they ultimately moved, would I be able to or even want to move, too?

    All we can do is weigh our options, consider the known pros and cons, listen to our inner self. Once committed to our decision be determined to make the most of it. Sometimes none of the choices we have are ones we want and we must choose the least objectionable -- or by not choosing we leave our future to the whims of life.

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  21. having already responded to some major urging of my intuition, and moved to be with my son and family, I can say I really trust my inner voice very well. I did use a plus/con list before the move, and also listened carefully to the feelings of each of my children, and several of my dearest friends and confidantes. That helped a lot, and I found an energy I thought long lost to accomplish the move. After being there a short while, I began to have more energy, as I had freed myself from considerable concerns that weighed on me more than I knew. It was all really worth it. There are times I miss my total independence, but the trade-offs are worth it all. Sending you clarity and peace as you follow this trail.

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