"What a gift it is," he says, "When all that is required is a shift in lifestyle, paying more attention to the details of day to day life with the promise being that life will get better."
I explained to my counsellor about my specialist's findings. How alarming. How demolishing.
I reflected on my three dear, dead friends. I feel he knows them intimately now. Along with my family of origin.
What an opportunity it would have been for them to change direction, make some slight adjustments to the sails and tack into a different direction on the great ocean of life. But alas their deaths had no such advance warning.
My gift indeed.
"Who do you talk to? Intimately I mean?" he asks me.
"You," I said after a minute, "Only you, there is no one else. Truly."
"But there is room for others, is there not?"
"I suppose. But shared history, depth, no way that can be replaced."
"I agree. But your spirit needs nurturing and maybe this freedom is giving you another gift in that you honour the memories of these beloved friends by opening up the space left inside you and use your last few precious years to explore your own creativity further."