Sunday, May 22, 2016

She says


She says to me once we finished dinner together in a restaurant:

"I've never eaten at a restaurant with a friend in my whole life. I like this. There's no pressure."

She insists on paying.

As she gets into my car, she says, "I know you're supposed to tip. I didn't know what to tip. Was $50 OK for her? The bill was $36.00."

She says: "I've nowhere to hide my pills. My mother steals every pill from everyone. Even her own mother's and my father's. And I need my liver pills. What do I tell the doctor?" (the truth)

She says: "You're like a therapist. I never knew how to talk to people without yelling or blaming until I met you."

She says:" I'll miss my kids' first haircuts." And starts to cry. I let her.

Her mother calls.

I hear the mother yelling about pills. She doesn't care how her daughter procures them. Get her pills now. She doesn't want me to hear. She's embarrassed.

Then she says: "I hate going home. She'll attack me for pills once I walk through the door. She'll go on and on about how she gave birth to me in pain and I owe her. I never want to speak to my daughter that way. Never."

And she doesn't cry this time but holds herself a little more stiffly in the car.

And I think: We are so privileged. We have absolutely no idea what hell others face on an hourly basis.

I love this wee woman as if she were my own.


23 comments:

  1. That you love her is obvious...please teach er about correct tipping and how to save her money so that someday she can escape this nightmare...

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    1. I do. And she has secreted money away. I try not to assault her with too much information. A small step at a time. Just learning to speak to people in a non-aggressive way is a huge hurdle for her. It is all breaking my heart. But her courage is so inspiring. And humbling.

      XO
      WWW

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    2. Thank you for being a friend and mentor. Perhaps one day, she'll be able to do the same for another woman.

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    3. Interesting E - I said that to her but the penny didn't even drop, she immediately talked about her own daughter.

      XO
      WWW

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  2. Wow, what a powerful vignette .. I sure do hope things get better for her (and her mother).

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    1. I do believe the mother is hopeless. The father sent me a gift the other day so there is hope there. She sees her children for a few hours on Wednesday. she has a court appearance on Tuesday :(.

      XO
      WWW

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  3. What a challenge life presents the person you write about. Good that you can offer some support as you do. Life can be truly complicated.

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    1. It is, it was but hopefully in the future she will survive to make something of her life.

      XO
      WWW

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  4. I do hate to be a downer, but my concern is only for you. Do proceed with a degree of caution. Sometimes these matters can become more complicated and painful to deal with than is initially anticipated. I hope you understand what I'm saying.

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    1. I've learned a lot over the years, RJA, I love this woman but I do have a protective shell on myself. I've seen oh so many not make it. She is on the edge and I see that. She may not even get her kids back after the court case. She is volatile and an addict. If her parents hadn't taken her in she would literally be on the street and wouldn't survive.

      I hear you my friend.

      XO
      WWW

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  5. I can't imagine what it's like to have such a dreadful mother. Dealing with her must be a nightmare. As e says, she should just save money and escape.

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    1. Well the repercussions of all this have spilled over on to herself and her sisters but they did take her back in when every door was closed. Conditionally. Which is good.
      We can only hope.

      XO
      WWW

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  6. I can relate to your friend's angst. She is lucky to have you to let some steam off in the presence of.

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    1. And really lucky that her parents opened their doors to her. I see multi-generational dysfunction here. I'm still living it myself with all the shunning that goes on in my own family. So I can relate to wounded families intensely. I knew you'd understand too Ramana.

      XO
      WWW

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  7. She really needed you in her life right that moment.

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    1. A two way street Barbara, she fills mine too.

      XO
      WWW

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  8. Well, damn, this is the best story/post/whatever I've read in some time. I hope it's going well, and as you would hope. I know these sometimes have mixed endings, not as well, or not a how we'd like. bet damn, to even be involved in one must be fun and delightful and fulfilling. Good job.
    Cheers, Mike.
    Let me know if I can do anything.

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    1. Thanks Mike. She's doing very well. I get many texts, she had first court appearance today and it was rescheduled to mid June, which I think is good, she'll be stronger then if she keeps up the good work.
      XO
      WWW

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  9. so happy she has you
    and you have her

    take care
    it is 10 in the morning
    and just came in from the garden
    and my pajamas are still on :)

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    1. Oh my pajama sister! I think PJS should be acceptable wear at anything, LOL.
      I've been negligent of blogs I must get back in the saddle.

      XO
      WWW

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  10. Some people suffer levels of deprivation we can't even imagine.

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  11. It sounds like my mother it many ways. I'm glad your friend has you, it sounds like she really needs an escape. That's something I know about too.

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  12. Tough times for her, and you are a blessing and a resource for her on how to tip and so much more.

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