Tuesday, October 04, 2016

Life at "Home"

"Home" is subjective, isn't it?

Do you ever write about stuff you can do nothing about?

Trying to sort out feelings like anguish, disturbance, fear, uncertainty?

I've been triggered badly and I'm trying to sort it all out, for there is absolutely nothing I can do about any of it.

I think: I have to make serious changes.

But my very livelihood and future security is completely threatened. And, I repeat, there is (seriously)nothing I can do.

This all happened while I was away. Shock and horror prevailed when I came back on Sunday, and still does.

I hate this feeling. I can't change it. I'm not like Barbara Bush. Though some can do this shelving. I can never do it. I have to pick at it until it unravels or something else distracts or.....

But I feel the earth shaking underneath me (not just a metaphor) and life will never be the same again. Serious evaluation and taking stock is happening.

More later when I develop a coherence to my thought patterns.

And you know how I do that? By talking/writing about it with a trusted few.

Until my world rights itself again.

23 comments:

  1. That photo looks pretty shocking. What exactly is going on to get you so distressed?

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  2. Please tell us more. Concerned...

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    1. I'm in better space with it but will write more on it soon.

      Thank you E.

      XO
      WWW

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  3. I think for the Chinese this is the Year of the Fire Monkey which means change and chaos. We're certainly going through that here for many reasons. If that photo is what is happening next to you then it is truly dreadful. I feel like that about the huge campground across the river from us which destroyed our lovely private swimming hole and took a lot of peace from our summer. You can hear the kids shrieking from our back yard. We know we could have a lot of change here very quickly with three elderly parents and our rather difficult, awful and needy siblings on both sides. All we can do is make plans for our future lives and that is what we have been working on. best wishes for your plans and future...

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    1. Thank you Sharyn, you got it in one. So sorry to hear of your challenges. Change, as we age, is particularly stressful, particularly when we are unprepared as I was.

      More soon.

      XO
      WWW

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  4. I hope that everything works out alright in the end and that this is just a passing phase. I wish you all the best.

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    1. No this is a permanent phase in attempted peaceful living but I will write more Ramana.

      XO
      WWW

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  5. Maybe the next book you read should be "Saboteurs" the story of Wiebo Ludwig against the oil companies. I've heard tell it could be an instruction manual if need be.

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    1. I can dream but this is very complex. More later.

      XO
      WWW

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  6. Don't hesitate to write if you want an ear.
    mm5.montana@gmail.com
    Mike

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    1. Thank you Mike, your support is always welcome.

      XO
      WWW

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  7. Thinking of you - message me through FB if you want someone to talk to.

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    1. It was good to chat with you Jo, I do miss your blogging but know your life in NZ is pretty happy-busy.

      XO
      WWW

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  8. I hope it isn't as bad as it sounds - I'm trying to think of things we can't do anything about - accept, reject, walk away from or walk towards. Believe in yourself. Know that you will know what to do when it has to be done. Good luck Wise.

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    1. Good advice Betty, sometimes we are hamstrung as I was here but each day gives more clarity, at the beginning it was overwhelming shock. Thank you!

      XO
      WWW

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  9. So sorry. I have become immune to this stuff, pretty much.

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    1. Lucky you Hattie, or maybe your your property was never encroached upon so savagely? I hope not!

      XO
      WWW

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  10. 1. Find an old woman to sit down in the path of the trackhoe. This one will be easy.

    2. Call media. Oh wait. Also easy.

    3. Ask librarians to make signs and show up at dawn with megaphones. Librarians are aces at this.

    4. Get all your hoity foreign guests to write the legislature. Since you aren't yet quite sure what you're protesting ask them to just spew non-specific vitriol.

    5. Nudity. It worked for Helen Mirren and the Doukabhors.



    4.

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    1. Too late for much of this and entitlement and fear is a huge part of it all.

      XO
      WWW

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  11. The picture makes me cringe, it looks like a terrible encroachment close to you. It happened to us once, so dispiriting and unbelievable sense of helplessness. Good luck and all good wishes to you.

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    1. Marge - so sorry it happened to you too, feeling so helpless, yes, you've nailed, and nowhere to put the outrage.

      XO
      WWW

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  12. That raw, broken earth must feel like a violence done against you.

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