I have little chats with myself. Today the topic was adaptation to life's quirks and tumbles, to the curve balls.
Is that the secret to a contented life? Being adaptable to circumstances? Like when life doesn't go your way, when you think others are having the time of their lives as you sit alone, mulling over your pathetic life?
And speaking of "your way" what way is that exactly?
Like the song said : "I never promised you a rose garden."
My way was having it all. The house, the dog, the piano, the big important job, the kids, the devoted husband, two cars, all the appliances I would ever need. And space. Lots of space.
And guess what? I had the "all" that I thought would give me the best life. Plus a nanny too for good measure.
And guess what? I wasn't happy. I could point to my mother dying young, my husband not being what I thought he should be, my busy career (there was no time for piano-playing and music). Stress. Emigration. Not enough something, something. Not knowing then, as I do now, that happiness is an inside job. Nothing whatsoever to with others or possessions or your kids or your partner. Nothing.
And we're not aware of our own adaptations to circumstances. And sometimes it takes time to adapt. It sure doesn't happen overnight.
And self-blame walks into a lot of situations which we have no control over, like our health, like an estranged child, like a death of a beloved ("I should have done more.")
And one day I woke up and did not memorialize my estranged child's birthday last week. I let go. I adapted. I was done. Adapted to her choice, adapted to my reaction. Adapted to moving on after twenty years of grief and worry and chest beating.
And I realized that adaptation has been part of my life now for a long time. And I've never been happier, sick, not sick, struggling, not struggling.
I've been three years in lockdown as I have been told that catching any of the three pandemics circling the drain of the globe right now, I will die. Maybe I'll be in lockdown until I toss off this mortal coil. I have many things to entertain me. Including blogs, books, writing, knitting, some tax work. My music. Correspondence. Big etc.
It's the way of the world right now.
I have adapted.
This is good, and wise. I hope it all rubs off on me since it all seemed so familiar in so many ways. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI guess I was Anonymous so will repeat my message:
DeleteThis is good, and wise. I hoe it all rubs off onme since it all seemed so familiar in so many ways. Thank you.
Marge
Yay you. My adaption is, like much of my life, a work in progress. I still fall into the pit of self blame and grieve/rage/despair about things I cannot either control or alter.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written! Heartfelt! Like my heart feels! I don't know many others who wish to remain the same as they have been since forced to isolate. But you and I. I want to read and paint and cook and read and paint and garden and just enjoy the rest of my life without the hassle of friendly visits or shopping or "being a wonderful person," like I used to be. I guess I just want to take care of me from now on!
ReplyDeleteSerenity, adaptation and so on ... sure a work in progress ... and for me, there's a long way yet to the finishing line. I can only applaud and admire you, who have come further.
ReplyDeleteAdaptation really is the key, isn't it? We all have to do it - some more successfully than others.
ReplyDeleteYes, to paraphrase an old Chinese proverb, the strongest grass is that which bends in the wind.
ReplyDeleteAmen to that. I’ve been a Stoic since high school, and that means playing your part well/living your values and being happy without expectations. It’s worked well for me. Cheerful Monk
ReplyDeleteIt would appear that reality will not destroy you.
ReplyDeleteThank you... a nice way to put it. Reminds me of the old saying: You don't know what you've got till it's gone. We've all had to adapt more than we ever thought these past three years. We're all struggling, and we're all surviving with, as you say, books, blogs and . . . wait a second, I think I'll skip the tax work.
ReplyDeleteWe must adapt to the situation because the situation will not usually adapt to us. It is a hard thing to do sometimes.
ReplyDeleteAdaptation is the best way. If you are able to do that, happiness and/or contentment follow. Some days I still yearn for a house of my own with a yard. Most days I'm happy that I have everything I need and the wants do not matter.
ReplyDeleteI once heard that the real test (or indicator) of intelligence is adaptability and the longer I live, the more I suspect that is right.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you manage to keep rolling with the punches
thank you- I feel as you
ReplyDeleteYes, the ability to adapt is an important one. If you don't have it, you can get tied up in all sorts of grudges and resentments and frustrations. As Kylie says, you have to keep rolling with punches.
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you, You are one of the very few that truly gets it.xx
ReplyDeleteI hope you had a good Christmas xx
ReplyDeletehttps://foreverythingaseason.blogspot.com/ emma
ReplyDeleteI realized about two weeks into the pandemic that I would probably be isolating the rest of my life, other than meeting with family under semi-controlled circumstances. That adaptation came relatively easy. The choice was not mine. I hadn't done anything wrong. I am simply living with health conditions that, like yours, endanger me or my husband if I should contract Covid. The other adaptations come more frequently now: those related to my health. I still can't disabuse myself of the notion that I should be able to earn my way back to good health by my healthy practices. Auto-immune illnesses, advanced degenerative scoliosis and disc disease, and other complications are hunching me over in pain and requiring thick and difficult-to-don compression stockings despite my lifelong practice of exercising and eating well. I admit that the humiliation of looking like someone who never paid attention to health bothers me more than the pain. I am consciously trying to adapt but that requires no small amount of effort and prodding to forgive myself for aging in the way I am. I've just decided, after reading your post, that "adaptation" will be my word of the year next year.
ReplyDeleteAnnie here. Adaptability is soooo important! Bending rather than breaking, finding another way, making the most of what you’ve got, picking oneself up and moving on. But sometimes we have to spend a little time crying over spilt milk before we move along.
ReplyDelete