Monday, December 09, 2013

The calendar ticks over.

In her sister's arms.

Today, on her birthday, every year, I write about her - my estranged child.

What more is there to add? Nothing has changed. The pain can bite me out of nowhere some days. Catching sight of someone who looks like her, hearing one of her songs on the radio, remembering her acerbic wit, astonishing intelligence and outrageous humour.

How can you give up hope? asked a friend the other night. It's easier not to hope, I respond, if I have no hope of a reconciliation then I can't be disappointed, right?

Sometimes love is just not enough.
Or the right kind.
Or unwanted.

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Anonymous Linda P. said...

I have no words of wisdom, no suggestions to make. You're, after all, a wise woman. I trust that you have done all you can and come to the conclusions that are right for you and your daughter, given her decision. I just wanted to acknowledge what you've written, so that you know that your pain has been acknowledged.

Mon Dec 09, 02:29:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Anonymous Maggie Turner said...

Thank you for sharing your experience, and for proffering love and acceptance, which is all one can do when a decision has been made by another person.

Mon Dec 09, 02:41:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Anonymous Grannymar said...

Thinking about you today. Virtual hugs. GM

Mon Dec 09, 05:05:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Hattie said...

This reminds me that it is a hell of a lot easier to reject a parent than to reject a child.
And you can tell your daughter I said so.

Mon Dec 09, 06:12:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Thinking of you
and sending a hug.
Some difficulty at times
with my daughter's
but they are always here.

Mon Dec 09, 06:23:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Irene said...

I am rejected by my daughter on an almost constant basis and we never really do get close. I have yet to figure out what it is that's so wrong about me. I think it is the very fact that I breathe. You have my sympathy, WWW, I think it could all be so easily solved over one cup of coffee.

Mon Dec 09, 10:31:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Secret Agent Woman said...

I've never understand kids who estrange themselves without explanation. I have had plenty of reasons to distance myself from both my parents, but they are my parents and I won't. Life is too short of that sort of bitterness.

I don't think you have control over whether or not you hold onto hope. I am adding my hope to yours that someday there will be a reconciliation.

Tue Dec 10, 08:45:00 AM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Freda said...

Blessings from Dalamory.

Tue Dec 10, 03:27:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Stubblejumpin Gal said...

It's so true, what Hattie said.

It's probably normal that at a certain age, kids seem to reject their parents for a while. I'm experiencing some of that with my 21-yr-old son and I want to believe it passes with maturity.

Your daughter's intransigence is scaring me.

I send you strength and courage. And patience.

Fri Dec 13, 12:04:00 AM GMT-3:30  
Anonymous Rummuser said...

I was with another friend the last three days whose son is estranged from him. I have seen the anguish that such a situation creates in the parent and can relate to your own. I send you best wishes.

Fri Dec 13, 04:00:00 AM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. And I actually talked with a friend the other day who has a far worse story as he is banned from seeing his grandchildren and his son threatened to call the police when he and his wife showed up at his door.
My heart broke for him. He was sobbing when he told me.

Fri Dec 13, 10:00:00 AM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Friko said...

Oh damn, I have one of them.
She sent me a Christmas card even though she dislikes me intently. Has said so.

It no longer hurts. I got used to it in the last ten years.

Sat Dec 14, 08:06:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Friko said...

Even writing about it is difficult.

Sat Dec 14, 08:09:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

At least you get a Xmas card. I was deleted from her Twitter account when she found out I was following her.

It is baffling and ugly and awful.


Sat Dec 14, 11:54:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Molly said...


Sun Dec 15, 12:12:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Thanks Molly.


Thu Dec 26, 09:51:00 PM GMT-3:30  

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