Monday, December 09, 2013

The calendar ticks over.


In her sister's arms.

Today, on her birthday, every year, I write about her - my estranged child.

What more is there to add? Nothing has changed. The pain can bite me out of nowhere some days. Catching sight of someone who looks like her, hearing one of her songs on the radio, remembering her acerbic wit, astonishing intelligence and outrageous humour.

How can you give up hope? asked a friend the other night. It's easier not to hope, I respond, if I have no hope of a reconciliation then I can't be disappointed, right?

Sometimes love is just not enough.
Or the right kind.
Or unwanted.

16 comments:

  1. I have no words of wisdom, no suggestions to make. You're, after all, a wise woman. I trust that you have done all you can and come to the conclusions that are right for you and your daughter, given her decision. I just wanted to acknowledge what you've written, so that you know that your pain has been acknowledged.

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  2. Thank you for sharing your experience, and for proffering love and acceptance, which is all one can do when a decision has been made by another person.

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  3. Thinking about you today. Virtual hugs. GM

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  4. This reminds me that it is a hell of a lot easier to reject a parent than to reject a child.
    And you can tell your daughter I said so.

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  5. Thinking of you
    and sending a hug.
    Some difficulty at times
    with my daughter's
    but they are always here.

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  6. I am rejected by my daughter on an almost constant basis and we never really do get close. I have yet to figure out what it is that's so wrong about me. I think it is the very fact that I breathe. You have my sympathy, WWW, I think it could all be so easily solved over one cup of coffee.

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  7. I've never understand kids who estrange themselves without explanation. I have had plenty of reasons to distance myself from both my parents, but they are my parents and I won't. Life is too short of that sort of bitterness.

    I don't think you have control over whether or not you hold onto hope. I am adding my hope to yours that someday there will be a reconciliation.

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  8. Blessings from Dalamory. www.freda.org.uk

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  9. It's so true, what Hattie said.

    It's probably normal that at a certain age, kids seem to reject their parents for a while. I'm experiencing some of that with my 21-yr-old son and I want to believe it passes with maturity.

    Your daughter's intransigence is scaring me.

    I send you strength and courage. And patience.

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  10. I was with another friend the last three days whose son is estranged from him. I have seen the anguish that such a situation creates in the parent and can relate to your own. I send you best wishes.

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  11. Thank you all for your kind thoughts. And I actually talked with a friend the other day who has a far worse story as he is banned from seeing his grandchildren and his son threatened to call the police when he and his wife showed up at his door.
    My heart broke for him. He was sobbing when he told me.
    XO
    WWW

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  12. Oh damn, I have one of them.
    She sent me a Christmas card even though she dislikes me intently. Has said so.

    It no longer hurts. I got used to it in the last ten years.

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  13. intensely.
    Even writing about it is difficult.

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  14. Friko:
    At least you get a Xmas card. I was deleted from her Twitter account when she found out I was following her.

    It is baffling and ugly and awful.

    XO
    WWW

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