Saturday, December 28, 2013

To Soothe the Inner Beast



I know. Some of you haven't a clue what I'm talking about. I do have inner beasts. I would slay them with alcohol, food, whathaveyous. Sedate them into briefly napping. And then they would wake up and start to savage me from inside once again, they were insatiable. It was an endless cycle.

Not anymore. Not for today.

I felt them tickling my brain earlier today. I made a few phone-calls. Talked to others who like me, feel the dragons stretching and yawning. Not all the time. But especially this time of the year when the intensity of the Christmas is passed and there is a lull before New Year's and all is quiet. And then the slow stirring of the inner monsters begins.

I don't entertain them, these dragons followed closely by the Black Dog. I put plans in place: my annual Nollaig Na mBan for Sunday, January 5th. I reach out to others. I think: I need to paint this place. I think, like my father in his time: what can I truly look forward to this year? I think: my town has put me in such a position of trust, I will not let them down. I think:what a gloriously awesome day, can I put grippers on the soles of my boots and negotiate the now ice-layered snow. I think: what else can I do with turkey, what was that dish I would do with noodles? Tetrazini or something.

And I play Haydn's Maria Theresa Mass, see above. It soothes. Oh, how it soothes.

For a truly and thoroughly recovered former Catholic that is ironic, n'est pas?

23 comments:

  1. Take good care of yourself Wise! Sometimes I talk to myself pretending I am my own best friend!

    Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person,
    Having to neither weigh thoughts nor measure words,
    Pouring them all out, chafe and grain together,just as they are
    Chaff and grain together
    Certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them,
    keep what is worth keeping
    and with the breath of kindness
    Blow the rest away.

    Dinah Maria Mulock Craik

    Thanks for the lovely bells.
    Betty

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  2. Ah Betty,
    so lovely to hear from you and to hear those wonderful words which I've taken to heart.
    I'm a wee bit restless so made some jam from berries in the freezer. I do talk a lot to my dog who gives me that unconditional love thing....
    XO
    WWW

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  3. I hope the dragons soon go back to sleep.

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  4. absolutely not.

    I too am a recovered former Catholic, well and truly recovered (well, are we ever?) but music soothes the restless breast.

    I am busy with ‘things that must be attended to’ but the black dog is definitely snarling in the background.

    So I get down on the floor and cuddle the furry version, black and warm and welcoming. Bother, so is the other one.

    Millie, come here, I need you.

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  5. My literal black dog, Tyke, is my best friend, and I think since I have him, he has helped me keep that 'other black dog' at bay. I picture him as someone who drops his turds as reminders of his existence on my daily path every once in a while :)

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  6. I can relate. I read and meditate when they crop up. They have not for quite some time now though.

    You are cool WWW.

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  7. WWW
    we are much alike
    and it seems this time of year
    they visit
    take care of you
    and I need to take care of me
    as at the moment
    it is just Miss Callie and me :)

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  8. Linda:

    They are bouncing around and they have this monochromatic effect on my perception which I prefer to be colour drenched.
    I danced a bit at a party today and that helped, just forcing myself.

    XO
    WWW

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  9. Friko:

    Thanks for that. I also have a black dog who is the light of my life.

    Yes, I do cuddle with her and we glare at the Other One. Together.

    XO
    WWW

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  10. Irene:

    I am glad yours is fended off a little better than mine :)

    Mine is on high alert ready to tip me over.

    XO
    WWW

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  11. Thanks for the words Ramana, these old dragons keep bouncing around after I think they are gone forever.

    They are reminders to me of not being complacent and thinking they are pfft forever.

    Maybe my happy times are more brilliant as a result?

    XO
    WWW

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  12. OWJ:

    I find also that I am subject to the whims and disregard of others. Much as I try loving detachment.

    It's just me. Warts 'n all. Glad we sing from the same page, my dear.

    XO
    WWW

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  13. Well, this is the fifth time I have tried to comment:

    Haydn, Handel, Bach all soothe me from time to time.

    Take Care

    I hope 2014 is good for you.

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  14. Thank you Magpie, same back to you!

    XO
    WWW

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  15. I read about a woman who took her "dog" and made it her guardian. And I love that music.
    What I know is that we are all loved. And I'm not even religious.

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  16. Could you speak to your 'dog' in a very stern Irish voice, www, and just make it do what you want? Perhaps you can teach it new tricks. That would keep it entertained enough to bother you :) xox

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  17. Ahhh.....you and I share similar demons.

    Jo

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  18. I find the whole holiday season difficult, and it doesn't help that it's a prelude to my least favoriite season.

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  19. Hattie:
    What to do when we feel unloved? H'm?

    Love myself comes into it, but sometimes I am very unlovable indeed. Ask those who reject me. Many in my blood family. I am losing count.

    XO
    WWW

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  20. Irene:
    You'd have to meet Ansa, the cleverest dog in the universe. She does everything I want. Wakes me with kisses, knows when not to disturb me and loves me unconditionally.
    We just adore each other.
    XO
    WWW

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  21. Another soul sistah. I am overjoyed not to feel so desperately alone with the demons playing and spitting around me.
    XO
    WWW

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  22. SAW:
    It is. It very is. Much as I breeze through much of it the big let down and the memories and the losses tend to engulf me, always waiting. I will bore them silly this time.
    They won't hang around.
    XO
    WWW

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