Thursday, November 26, 2015

Being Present

Fogo Island at yesternight taken by Paddy Barry, enbiggen to take your breath away

Sometimes I am overwhelmed with people's kindness. Today, and I hope all days, I will notice and be grateful.

In the last few minutes, an acquaintance, a boat captain, dropped off a passel of freshly caught cod.

After lunch at a friend's today, she gifted me with fresh limes, more cod, moose and my dinner for later.

Then my cousin called from Ireland, it was "free calls to Canada" day on her service.

And it looks like my two person play is going to fly with wings now and play here and maybe Ireland in the fall of next year.

I feel like I'm coming out of an awful, stumbling, numbing fog. I haven't shared a lot of it here as, seriously, I thought I was losing my mind along with my health. I can't thank my grief therapist enough. My treatment is ongoing and his assistance in my process is invaluable. It's far from over. It's almost like I have to reinvent myself and focus more, much more, on my existing support network and forcibly interact at a level I'm comfortable with, with those who care for my wellbeing. For a gregarious loner like me that can be a bit of a mountain but I'll put on the climbing boots. I was making streams of excuses about old friends being far better than new friends, why invest time in new friends when they could drop off the face of the earth too, blah-blah. And no joint history doncha know. I'm awfully good at shopping from the excuses wagon.

As the man said, I had lost all trust in myself and now it's filtering through.

Being present. Meditating. Suiting up and showing up. All is beginning to feel well.



23 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing this and expressing some of what I too feel so eloquently. I hope all goes well with your play and I wish you well as you continue to work with your grief specialist.

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    1. Thank you E. It's odd this. I often feel closer to my blog buddies than anyone else apart from Daughter and Grandgirl and a few scattered dear ones.

      Me too on the play. I frankly thought I'd lost both interest and ability and I forced myself yesterday to contact the other cast member and she was enthused. Will keep all abreast of developments.

      XO
      WWW

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    2. WWW, you know what I say about bloggers: We get to know them from the inside without the distraction of the outer packaging! Great news about the play. One day at a time, dear girl. One day at a time!

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    3. Thanks GM, I feel so blessed we met in blogland so many, many years ago and then met in the flesh a few years back :) Yes, there's an extraordinary intimacy with bloggers.
      XO
      WWW

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  2. "I'm awfully good at shopping from the excuses wagon." Me, too. And, you're inspiring about new friends. It was so much easier to make friends back when our children were young and dragging us out into the world.

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    1. He was saying it was essential Diane. I forced myself again today to reach out to someone who is undergoing melanoma surgery today. She is younger than Daughter but, I thought, she has always supported me in municipal matters and I do care for her. Each little step, I think, validates life and the living.

      XO
      WWW

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  3. Congrats on your play, and I'm glad to hear you're feeling more positive about yourself, or as you say, coming out of your fog. All of us can take a lesson about excuses and making new friends.

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    1. Yeah, Tom, and others show us by example how lonely life can get without new friends. I find I am opening up to new experiences as a result of this too. More on that later once I confirm it's not a mirage, LOL.

      XO
      WWW

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  4. How wonderful! Reading this first thing in the morning and seeing the lovely photograph gets my day off to a great start! All good wishes to you on your play!

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    1. Thank you Hattie, I am shaking myself awake again, never thought it would happen, as I was succumbing to the darkest of despairs. I'll advocate help for everyone out there who is suffering from such seemingly endless grief.

      XO
      WWW

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  5. I've been following your blog for some time now and have only rarely commented. You go, girl! I am holding you in the heart of my heart. Reaching out takes courage. Courage whose Latin root is to take heart.....

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    1. Thank you Lori, it is always lovely to hear from my "lurkers". I tend to lurk on some blogs too. I find the more I reach out the better I feel. But it takes a bit of work to get to that point. And support from those who never let me down.

      XO
      WWW

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  6. That picture is great, how did you take it? Looks like steady hands.
    Good going on the play, let us know how it works out. And I'm envious about the cod, I'd like some fish and chips myself.

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    1. The credit for the pic is with a friend, Paddy Barry who is so gifted.

      The cod was to die......

      Wish I could send you some.

      XO
      WWW

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  7. Thanks Ernestine. My counselor is making a huge difference along this rocky path.

    XO
    WWW

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  8. Best news ever! I'd be totally Marge at the Mental (old 22 Minutes) if I didn't meditate and walk every dang day.

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    1. Marge at the Mental, loved her. Yes, it is so important to get centred and focussed and try and wear the world like a loose garment, Jan.

      XO
      WWW

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  9. And keep blogging. You have a vast network of supporters among your blogger friends too. All the best.

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    1. Yes, I do Ramana and lucky I am indeed. Thankyou.

      XO
      WWW

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  10. There is a genuine lightness in your tone that makes me smile and feel glad for you. You can credit others for their help and guidance, while you are the one who is doing the work and consciously making changes. I admire your courage.

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    1. I do feel lighter Sharon and there is more clarity to my thinking. I can even feel some excitement today about all that is about to unfold. I am "staying where my hands are" as a wise woman said to me one time.

      Thank you!

      XO
      WWW

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    2. Good news is good Wise! Great flocks of birds flying over my apartment building [at this very minute] - when one lags behind the flock does a u turn - then go back and pick him up. Isn't that something! Not sure what they are - smaller than a goose, bigger than a seagull.

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