Sailing Lurching into extreme old age, I am reflecting on the navigation of it. I assume "extreme" would be over 80. I haven't hit 80 yet but it winks at me.
Worry.
I abandoned worry a long time ago. It is useless and pointless and a total energy vampire. I had the realization that none of my worries had materialized and my classic last visitation to worry was about 35 years ago when (a) buying my dream home in Toronto (b) losing the position that was paying for the mortgage (c) going into an almost catatonic state with the definite and certain possibility I was going to lose my home and be jobless, destitute and unemployable. I did not hang a curtain on a window or a picture on a wall as I knew the dream would shatter when my severance pay expired in a few months. I huddled there in desperation and solitude calculating how much money the piano and assorted bits and pieces would sell for. After two weeks of this inertia and terror I had an unexpected phone call from a stranger who had heard about my abilities and offered me a year's contract to help him shut down his large hundred year old family business with everyone happy. At an astonishing fee. I jumped at it. And for six months I had two incomes rolling in my door. And after that enormous life lesson, I've had many challenges but I never revisited the worry pit again.
Adaptation.
Life is full of changing circumstances all the time. I was up for a full medical pending this big birthday and having my driver's license renewed. I thought with the blindness in my right eye, there is a risk I will lose it after close to sixty five years of accident free driving. And always loving driving, across Canada so many times, seeing this beautiful country. Having the security and adventure of four wheels sitting outside waiting to take me away to wherever, whenever. But, I thought, there are cabs, there are electric thingies, there is a senior bus that trots around this area. And I didn't worry. My life would adapt. When I passed the medical it was a gift, a bonus, a joy. But I knew I could have adapted peacefully to losing it.
Always have something to look forward to.
This was one of my dad's philosophies on aging. And he was right. I have a black board and write looking forward stuff on it. It's not about achieving the stuff but the journey is made lighter.
Don't give up the joyful things
Music (Schubert - Claudio Arrau at the moment)
Knitting (Just completed one side of a cushion)
I think I have tons more. But that's enough for today.
Well done. Very, very well done. I am a worrier - and agree it is a waste of time and an energy sucker. I have not yet been able to kick it to the curb.
ReplyDeleteNiece is a worrier and one time I asked her to make a list of all her worries that actually happened. Crickets.
DeleteIt's a good exercise. If one did happen, the question would be "how did you react, cope, fix?"
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I'm 83, my husband 88. My husband is slowing down but he still drives up to our place in the mountains every day and works on his projects. I usually stay down here and play with mine. In addition to my daily blog I'm learning Spanish. I exercise for over an hour a day while I stream videos, so now I'm mostly looking at ones that have Spanish subtitles. Hurray for lifelong learning!
ReplyDeleteThis is lovely to read CM. We should all aspire to "dying with our boots on" so to speak. I know many who did. Unfortunately we can never predict what might befall us. But living life to maximum would be a lesson for all of us each day.
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You have a good life philosophy now. I am enjoying watching five great nieces and three great nephews grow and develop, with ages 1 to 9. I am fairly satisfied with my life. Only others will judge that it is lazy and indulgent.
ReplyDeleteI would say you are far from lazy and indulgent Andrew. You've worked hard and travelled and are interested in so many things. But best of all is the engagement you have with the greats and your delight in their lives.
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I was never too much of a worrier but I think I do less of it now. My biggest change is that I just don't worry about money. I have very little of it but where I once would have been trying to hold on to what I had, now I try to meet my obligations and enjoy what's left. I don't have time left to restrict the living of life.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are right about adapting, change is constant so we can get good at it or we can spend a lifetime struggling.
I'm glad you kept your licence, though ;)
I'm akin to you with financial status but two of my brothers have been very kind to me and so have Daughter and Grandgirl. I still work a little to supplement my small pension but I don't worry about finances anymore.
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I would only add: a nap a day.
ReplyDeleteI nap sporadically Joanne and always put a timer on it as honestly I could sleep on a clothesline and for five hours straight and then have terrible sleep at nights so 1 hour and 15 minutes is the max for me during the day.
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I'm with Joanne, a nap a day, two in winter. I'm not a worrier, but I do occasionally worry over something happening until it gets worked out.
ReplyDeleteI hear you, River, maybe focusing on the solution would help, or even like my bestie (now RIP) would always say to me: "focus on ALL your accomplishments." We sometimes forget how powerful we are.
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I worry, but mostly over things that have come to pass, and how I will adjust. My living situation is one. Mostly I read, nap, care for the place and cat and feel grateful for what we have here,
ReplyDeleteI care for my plants, I would love another pet but rules. I realize with my lack of mobility how life can change in a heartbeat and I find even writing down the adaptation process removes the worry. Daughter has helped me a lot in this as she is solution driven.
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I'm a fab worrier. Almost none of them ever came true, but this do not detain me. Health issuse-woorier I should add. Money can't have me worrying, neither adversity or stupidity. I will have a hard time learning to adapt, I am sure. I like the way you attack this!
ReplyDeleteAdaptation was a fairly reason lesson for me, Charlotte, when I found myself in the niggles of a worry-birth about my increasing (then) immobility and realized I could have home care, groceries delivered, friends and workshop participants dropping in, etc. And even my laundry picked up. So it evaporated quickly. I think the huge cloud of horror of a "care" home can infect many elders' equanimity.
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I was a world-class worrier, but age has tempered that trait. I always knew I wasn't in charge of all outcomes, but I wanted to plan my "what ifs." These days, I tell myself that I've always made it through the challenges, whatever they are, and I'll keep doing that . . . until I don't.
ReplyDeleteI read migrations a couple of years ago. When we have the migrations of Monarch butterflies or barn swallows through my area, I think about it again. We watch for open yellow-orange beaks to appear at the edge of the nest and know they'll be fledglings soon. Lovely knitting, too.
Thanks Linda. As you know the book is about the terns with an extraordinary character in Franny. Yes worry. I have good cause to be at the moment but I hold it at bay. Always loved the expression :False Experience Appearing Real. It keeps me grounded in the now.
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I know most worry is pointless, but I still find myself worrying about all sorts of things. And yes, usually everything turns out fine regardless of my worrying.
ReplyDeleteAlways having something to look forward to is absolutely vital to continued enjoyment of life. While looking backwards is mostly a waste of time.
I look backwards in gratitude sometimes Nick, it keeps me grateful and centred for all that I do have.
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If only my father had known how he would die he could have saved years of worrying about his health!
ReplyDeleteHe died quite suddenly during a hospital visit, while sitting and reading his favourite Dick Francis novel.
Gosh, YS, I know the story is sad but I do love the fact he died with his boots on so to speak. In the middle of a novel! A shame he had to worry though.
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Regarding worry - my mother used to say that whenever God,or the universe, closed a door, he opened a window somewherea roomful of stuff I can create from - fabric, yarn, embroidery thread etc. Especially since my most recent birthday, but for a long time now I'm on a mission to make useful, beautiful things from all this raw material. BTW - I love your Aran cushion!
ReplyDeleteThank you Molly, I had to change the original pattern but I'm happy with it now and working on the back of it.
DeleteYes, I too love looking around and creating some magic out of the most ordinary of things.
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