The thing about being an elder is one can't let one's honest feelings out, right?
We're supposed to be strong and wise with the mellow of our years wearing a lean on me countenance at all times.
But that inner four year old resides within. And boy does she come out now and again. The impatience, the judgement, the no-one cares.
Today is such a day.
So I am throwing it out there. Easter Sunday.
Easter Sunday is the old pagan feast of Oestra, honouring Ishtar, the goddess of fertility and sex. My childhood religion, long thrown to the curb by moi, caught the fertility of the Oestra part but missed out completely on the sex unless it was their evil preaching hypocritical representatives stealing the spirits of innocent children, but I digress.
I am aware my world has completely shrunk, not that it was very large before, but now it is minuscule so I tend to obsess on unimportant stuff. Like tasks to be completed but then neglected. So I need to carve off some unpleasant wee tasks and just do them.
Many out here on the Edge are not gifted with a grasp of the seriousness of this pandemic and since their only hobby may be shopping and wandering aimlessly, indulge in that to the jeopardy of everyone else. I've been offered take out ("like a burger?"), etc, from these happy wanderers, oblivious to their own behaviours and its effect on their neighbours. They get very upset if questioned on how they are picking up such foods and I feel foolish for having prepped little care packages for them under the delusion of their following the isolating rules along with me. One took my gift of a hand knitted mask (not transmission approved, I view it merely as a warning to stay the eff away from me if I have to go in the halls for laundry or pickup) as permission to shop freely now.
So my isolation leads to despair and feeling quite solitary in my persistence of paying attention to all recommendations and wishing there were some real enforcement of them. I honestly believe we ain't seen nothing yet in the spread of this nightmare.
(
Pretty hand knitted masks, (more material can be inserted in the inside pocket). They are merely a signal and protection of others from one's sneezes, etc., but most of all a reminder not to touch our faces.
May the goddess, Ishtar, be good to all of you today.
They are very pretty! And kind of humorous too, of course you can't knit a medical-grade mask! I am feeling physically better so that goes a long way toward feeling emotionally better. But of course being grumpy is allowed! Especially among elders! My god, what they've done to elders in Quebec nursing homes!
ReplyDeleteI know Annie, it is terrible what happened in Quebec but then the owners went bankrupt even with fees as high as $10,000 per month per resident and the workers left without pay for weeks.
DeleteI am so glad you are feeling better, was quite worried tbh. I will be devastated if this thing does some of my blog buddies in.
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Knitting masks, I love it. I can make colour coordinated spring outfits. Just kidding. I would wear a regular mask underneath, though.
ReplyDeleteI have all this unused wool.
Stay safe. Enjoyed your comment about knowing my neighbourhood. I wish I was able to do my poking around town with my camera. But I understand staying home is much safer.
Regular masks are not available here unfortunately, but others have been madly sewing, lol.
DeleteGrandgirl and I spent so much time down there as well, we loved that whole area. I have loads of photos which I must find during this enormous Down Time.
I am thinking of starting a major knitting project but need to take time by myself, cheer up and design it.
The cheering up is tough.
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Those are sweet masks.
ReplyDeleteSo many people here are still trying to go about their lives as though nothing has changed. It's mind-boggling.
I know, SAW, we are surrounded by covidiots here who delight and gloat in breaking the rules. Paragliding off cliffs yesterday in rural areas as one example.
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Beautiful soft colors. My mom was an inveterate crocheter (sp?) & knitter but did not have the patience to teach me - & I so regret it. I have a beautiful afghan she knit in my fave colors which I sleep under during winter. Your work is really lovely. I agree w/ your thoughts on these times & this situation. Very depressing & feel very helpless. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think it is harder Regina when one sticks by the directives and others flaunt them in your face as if you're a fool for taking them so seriously.
DeleteThere are marvellous Youtube tutorials on knitting on line for you to savour!
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Thanks for the tip on the Youtube tutorials. I will definitely try after my next medical adventure. It will be good for me.
DeleteThose who have the sense to STAY HOME *are* making a difference. Take heart! As a species we're not nearly as smart as we think we are, alas. -Kate
ReplyDeleteWe are a species who have destroyed our wonderful planet. Paradise never regained and won't be.
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Love your masks.
ReplyDeleteSometimes (as I find myself saying a lot lately) despair, fear, anger and anxiety are a totlly rational response to the world.
They aren't comfotable emotions to live in for long though I hope you find some distractions.
Stay well, stay safe. And long distance hugs.
I decided to reach out a bit more in my isolation and it is paying off. Not that that was the intent. But very interesting how that morphs, isn't it.
DeleteI am reminded of you daily with that lovely origami bookmark you sent which holds my page in my personal journal.
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San Francisco is showing the positive signs of acting early and taking the whole thing seriously. Fewer cases and fewer deaths. If people will just stay the course and use good sense, then we can beat this. Otherwise, well, it will be very ugly.
ReplyDeleteThe numbers out of the US are positively terrifying DKZ. New York, etc. Climbing every day. Let us all hope they flatten this curve soon. I am nervous for my island here too with all the bragging about flaunting the health directives.
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I wore a home made mask to the grocery store last week and almost suffocated. I don't know how the nurses, doctors et al wear them all day. They are true heroes!
ReplyDeleteI just cannot wear a mask because I do feel like I'm suffocating. I have claustrophobia that kicks in with a mask of any kind. I've never worn a face mask for that reason.
DeleteChris I have mild claustrophobia as well from hiding under the stairs as a child.But I do wear mine as a signal to stay away from me.
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DKZ, Yes I know they can be suffocating. I breathe deeply through mine and it seems to help.
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There is certainly enforcement here. I think the worst has passed and very slowly, new infections and deaths with fall.
ReplyDeleteYes I follow the Oz numbers closely along with Ireland and US. You seem to be doing fine. NZ has put every country to shame.
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A blogging friend of mine made me dish cloths in that same pattern, what a blast from the past!
ReplyDeleteIt's a struggle to get people to understand the seriousness of the situation. My dad who will soon turn 80 has assured me that his normal life is socially distant (he goes out every single day, often multiple times) i wonder how many of him there are
Is he interacting with others Kylie? Why all the trips outside?
DeleteI was reading today that in Toronto gangs are roaming the empty streets late at night breaking into cars, etc. Worrisome.
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HAPPY EASTER, WWW!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Gigi, backatcha!
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I hope you do not make any of those masks in lavender. I hope you had a nice day.
ReplyDeleteWhy Lavender Joanne? You got me there, I feel I'm missing something. Colour of Covid?
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I wonder , your novel , is it bringing back bad memories?
ReplyDeleteLet me go with you in your dreams tonight, go to the sea, the warm sand beach, the sun shining down so bright we must block our eyes. Looking at the beautiful boats in the harbor , fishing boats, day trip boats, skiffs and even two kayakers. All the people around have nice soft flowing clothing. It is warm enough to stick toes in the water,the air is cool enough for a shawl.Look out for the waves..chsschoo a wave has a sound of no other.
We settle on the most beautiful blue blanket, the colors of the sky, the ocean and the breeze, to have a light picnic on the warm sand. Tea and toast, a bit of cheese.
The sounds around us are birds, seagulls fussing for the bit of bread we have brought with us. Children laughing away in the distance. The harbor boats are clacking and unsettled.
We look up to see the most beautiful creature watching us.
You tell me tomorrow , what creature we see.
What lovely thoughts Gemma. My actual dream last night was of me riding a motorcycle and winning a prize for being the fastest ever on a huge stretch of coastline here called the Irish Loop. Prize was a leather jacket. I guess an urge for the freedom of the open roads again and sitting by the ocean.
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I am glad your dream was a fun one, winning, open roads, the coast, flying on a motorcycle. All uplifting and freeing.
DeleteSending you Spring/Autumn hugs from one corner of the world to the other.
ReplyDeleteLockdown in NZ seems to be going very differently to the rest of the world. Whilst we do still have our idiots, including our Minister of Health, who took his family 20k to the beach after lockdown started (he has kept his job for the duration of the crisis, but methinks he will be gone pretty promptly once things start getting back to normal), most people seem to be behaving and listening to the authorities.
Plus, who can help but feel proud of a PM who, as well as managing the crisis, took the time to reassure children that both the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny had been designated essential workers :-)
I'm taking the time to allow myself to become introverted - my career, my volunteering work and my current paid role all require me to put on an extrovert face. I sit almost exactly midway in the various E/I charts - I get energy from being out and about and busy, but then end up having to hermit for a little while before I can face people again. I was just getting to the end of my limit when the lockdown was ordered. So the isolation and the lack of social gatherings is giving me the chance to pull in a bit and get the batteries recharging.
It is so good to hear from you Jo. I wondered how you were doing as I would read you back when you were living in the UK. We are all lost in admiration of your glorious PM but there are rule-breakers everywhere, many pols running off to their summer places. Incredible.
DeleteLike you I love my downtimes but this is far, far, too much for me at times so I am reaching out a lot more today. Digitally. New resolution. Climbing inside my own head can be a downer for my outlook on life.
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Out here we are only supposed to shop for necessities and are supposed to delegate a single family member for the purpose. I don't see too much of that, with couples and children all together, but that is in the middle of the day when most early birds have already shopped, so I guess it's okay, BUT, are the kids keeping their hands in their pockets and not running ahead touching everything saying can we have this mum? I go in, get my newspaper and get out, go home and wash my hands.
ReplyDeleteSame here River, and big chats in parking lots leaning just about in to the open windows. With kids littering the back seats. Rules are for others.
DeleteI haven't been out at all and get everything delivered. One bad traffic accident and who knows. No unnecessary risks for me.
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Oh WWW the things we have to do!
ReplyDeleteIf the virus doesn't kill us I'm sure the stress and strain of trying to avoid it will!
Sounds like it time for a little sit down by the window to look at the 'beauty' outside. I'm not sure if yours is still covered in white but there'll be beauty out there waking up from its winter sleep.
And keep yourself safe, don't worry about others. Yes they might be doing things you're not happy about Do what you know is right - you can't fix stupid.
Take care
Cathy
My main worry is Daughter who works in the front lines and is exposed to this massive stupidity daily. I keep myself safe as I don't go anywhere.
DeleteI love the beauty outside and the birds building their spring nests. Delightful.
Staying where my hands are today!
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May I humbly suggest that you must explore https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/emotional-investment
ReplyDeleteYes, I will check it out Ramana but I must say my Zoom meetings are enormously helpful in centering and grounding me.
DeleteThank you!
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I'm an old friend of Marianna's (a.k.a. Hattie). Hawaii is not that hard hit, but the state is vulnerable because of the influx of visitors. That's been drastically reduced lately.
ReplyDeleteWelcome Brandon, I so miss Marianna and her posts and comments, always such a delight. Our economy here is much based on tourism too and we will really suffer with the shortfall. The world is changing.
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I'm baffled that so many people are still trying to evade the rules the rest of us are adhering to. What part of "you might die" do they not understand?
ReplyDeleteI think it's a game to many, Nick, here they brag about loopholes they find, it is astonishing and terrifying.
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Oh my! Those are pretty WWW! and, I forgot to add to my comment on the previous post that your shawl of purple is gorgeous ! We bought a box of masks early last autumn, for me to use to protect myself from ordinary 'flu (which could also do me in due to compromised immune system). Little did we know they'd be needed by both of us for something worse.
ReplyDeleteI was so glad to get a shipment of nitrile gloves in from Daughter. I put cut coffee filters in the mask. Not great but in this unsafe building I can bark through it at covidiots when I do have to go out, which is rarely.
Deletethanks for the lovely my shawl.
One of these days I'll wear it!!
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Like you, I haven't been out of the house in weeks other than to walk or jog along our empty streets in our rural neighborhood with my dog early in the mornings. Next week, I have an infusion at my rheumatologist's office. Like you, I'm trying to protect others as well as myself and my husband. Even if I feel that I've had a full life. At 70, I've already lived longer than most of my parents and grandparents did, but I still have plans and dreams, and I know you do, too! Mostly I want to protect my loved ones from any more trauma than they might have to go through with this.
ReplyDeleteMe too Linda. I treat everyone outside as if they have it. I took my car out after 33 days outside sitting in snow, ice, fog, sleet and rain and it started after one turn of the key. Toyota you're amazing.
DeleteYes, I still have dreams, I am so glad I do, so many people are at such a loss and don't know what to do with themselves. I don't have enough hours in my day.
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I’m sorry you are feeling a bit crotchety. I know what you mean about the idiots who don’t understand the seriousness of the virus. We don’t really have any in my neck of the woods, we are all old and none of us want to die just yet. I am lucky that I have a garden to play in and my groceries are delivered by the supermarket’s van. But I am alone, I don’t see many people - always from a distance if I do - unless via the screen.
ReplyDeletethe emotions are up and down Friko like so many of us, the last few days have been great, busy with taxes and other stuff. Not enough hours. Like you I have an estrangd daughter and it breaks my heart but we soldier on. In spite of, because of.
DeleteWe embrace it all. We are tough old soldiers.
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Those are nice looking masks. Hope you are feeling better.
ReplyDeleteThank you Gigi, much better thanks, ups and downs as you probably know.
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Very attractive masks. Too bad some don't take this virus more seriously, especially when there can be unwanted consequences for others, not just them. Days pretty much run into one another but I just go along, why fret.
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