Question Time

Questions, the social kind,

Looking for answers, yes,

But not bothered by evasions,

Delusions, quirks and quarks

As they by their deft ducking

Reveal a little more 

Of what is safely stored

Not quite concealed

From the saucy

Inquisitor.

1. When do you feel insecure?
2. When do you feel most secure?
3. What do you view as success?
4. What do you view as failure?
5. What's the hardest challenge right now?
6. What do you miss most?
7. What do you treasure most?

 (1) When I think too deeply about the state of the planet and politics, wars, climate change, famine and the upending of so many citizens from their own countries. Not for me, but for my granddaughter's generation.

(2) I had to really think about that and it's in the company of my daughter.

(3) In having helped others, been of service to those around me, in my efforts to be kind by listening and counselling when asked. I know I have been at my best when being listened to and really heard and I've tried to pass that on to others.

(4) When I have been unkind or impatient. See 3. I find myself holding back rather than revealing who I am or not telling those cherished by me how much I love them enough. I was startled recently when a fellow tenant in the building declared her love of me in front of a few others, telling people why. And the warmth from this I felt for days afterwards. I need to do more of this myself.

(5) My hardest challenge has always been self-care. I need to do more of my physio, book health appointments, lose my embarrassment and get the goddam rollator and walk more. Embrace old age rather than trying to dodge it.

(6) I have to say my younger daughter who is estranged from her entire family and friends for the close to twenty years and lives in another country. I would add to that those beloveds who have died, some far too young. Many in the last ten years have broken my heart.

(7) My elder daughter and granddaughter, my family of origin, and my dear surviving friends who never fail to boost me up and call out my crap now and again.

I like this little piece sent by a friend recently.

And please share your thoughts if you wish on the questions.

Much Ado About Nothing.

 I don't really know what I'm writing about here, I'll just go with my own flow. I could transcribe my hand written journal but I'm afraid you'd completely snore off before reaching the end of a couple of sentences.

I am seeing all these pics of my five siblings in Ireland and feeling quite sad and yes, my old friend The Black Dog lurks in the undergrowth of my mind.

WhatsApp and Zoom keeps us all together and I can see my sick brother being taken out and about to old spots and it was a big thrill to see the photo of my four brothers today. I can't remember the last time a photo was taken of the four of them as they live in three different countries. 

All this to say with incredible heat and humidity and yes, loneliness for family,  I need a fainting couch and some smelling salts. I have always hated heat and time in the tropics has been wasted on me. I have never understood the concept of wintering in the sunnier climes like Florida and Arizona. I thrive in the cold, not the heat. And this 95% humidity does my head in. One of the reasons I moved here was to escape the viciousness of Ontario summers. But climate change has caught up with Newfoundland. An island not equipped for heat.

So I've accomplished nothing in the last ten days. There's a huge cooling porch in my building but I would have to put on a nice face and engage socially which feels like a mountain I can't climb at the moment.

I actually drove down to take a pic of JK Rowling's yacht in the harbour in the fog.

And stopped to catch these ducks in the fog in the lake near my home.