I went to the bank today. Like as in physically walked in the door and desecrated the hallowed hall for I had a larger than normal deposit and had a payroll to distribute. In cash. As is the way here. The cash withdrawal would have been over my daily ATM limit, set by me back in the day as a deterrant to anyone stealing my card and PIN.
Everything was awfully pleasant until the teller held up the largest cheque I was depositing and told me she would have to put a hold on the funds until the cheque cleared.
Me: Wot?
T(eller): We have regulations, we have to hold the funds on this until February 14th.
Me(gasping): You are going to hold my money without interest for 10 days?
T: Well no, not 10 days. Look here's a calendar, we don't count the two weekends in there.
Me: No offence, but I do. That's 10 days of holding my money. This has never, ever happened to me before. I've banked with this bank for over thirty years, you've never held my deposits and there have been ones far larger than this!
T (apologetic shrug): Those are the rules. But you could go to the other bank and get it certified, they would probably charge you $25 and then we could deposit it right away.
Me (sigh): No, driving off and finding another bank, waiting in line, giving them $25 to certify, coming back here, waiting in line again, I don't have that many years left in me. Go ahead and deposit it then.
Teller deposits, shows me how printed on the slip is the message that funds won't be released until February 14th.
Me (lightbulbs firing off in my head): Hang on a minute. I always deposit at the machine and my funds are cleared immediately. How come?
T: Give me your ATM card again.
click, click whir, click.
T: Oh, you have unlimited access to any funds you deposit using the machine outside.
Me: What do I do now? Can you reverse the deposit then and I run outside and deposit this in the machine?
T (astonished): Yes, that would work for immediate access to the funds. Are you sure?
Me(laughing):Why, do I look brain dead?
T(laughing too): OK, I'll reverse the deposit and give you back the larger cheque.
Me: This is why I never darken your doors I guess.
T (snorting, laughing): We don't recommend it, but don't tell anyone.
