So the losses - and I am 75 so there are many in my lucky, long life.
Losses
(1) Dear friends, so very many, missed forever, life emptier without them in many ways, too many to count. Parents and relatives I had anticipated but never my contemporaries somehow.
(2) Ability to run, hike and walk without thought. I loved running, the freedom of roads and trails, the weekend long runs with companions, the racing, the medals, the camaraderie.
(3) Travelling. Anywhere. Any time. As long as there was some money. Dreaming of outlandish trips off the beaten track, now never to be. El Camino in Spain, Outer Hebrides, Iceland interior, Orient Express, Siberian Express.
(4) Not thinking much about energy, my own. Being ready for 18 hour days, fast recuperation, coffee at 2. Writing at 3 in the morning, not a bother on me.
(5) Any name, any city, any year, any noun, any verb, coming to mind quickly and easily.
(6) Missing estranged younger daughter, always and forever.
(7) The many adored animals I was privileged to have in my life. All missed, all loved deeply. None more so than Ansa my last.
(8) Taking good health and a perfectly working body for granted.
Grandmother Moon outside my bedroom window the other night.
Gains
(1) Having time - the greatest gift of all.
(1) Listening to music of my choice any time of the day or night.
(2) Reading voraciously. All the time.
(3) Being more "me" than I ever have before. My opinions are clearer as is my critical thinking. And I'm very keen to listen to the young. I am so very lucky to have teenagers in my life.
(4) Being thrilled to be invited anywhere, especially when there are young people there.
(5) Living in my lovely apartment. I never thought I'd say that, but I absolutely love living here. And recently I applied for reduced rent due to my financial circumstances and received notification today that I was successful.
(6) Having close relationships with my daughter and my niece (who is a daughter to me) and being treated so well by them in ways I can't even list. They are supportive and proud of my endeavours and so very, very thoughtful in their caring and concern for and of me.
(7) Having time to pursue advocacy.
(8) Being asked to perform, to hold writing workshops, to speak at different events, to help others less fortunate.
(9) Being present in the moment. Staying where my hands are.
(10) Not taking anything for granted. Ever. Seeing beauty everywhere**.
(11) Writing anywhere, any time, all the time.
(12) Knitting whenever, wherever.
A wrap, "Iceberg Season" that I started a few days ago. For me.
** In my front hall, a wee corner, everything here is a gift. The owl is my totem, given to me by an aboriginal shaman many moons ago.
What about you? What have you gained and lost as you age?
