No I haven't. But it sounds appealing. One of my acquaintances is off to northern Greenland. Now normally I wouldn't be envious. Not one bit. But today I am.
But I am ever mindful no matter where I go, there I am. Everything is an effort. Dressing, showering, cooking, working. Being civil is a huge stretch. I normally don't tolerate fools well but at the moment I am just about hissing when confronted with one. Odd that, how many hapless eejits can walk into your life when you have the message out there: Don't. Come. Near. Me.
My little Teachín - or Tigeen,which is easier to say - has had her fair share of trouble. Gordon-The-Gift is just back from Labrador and we discovered the lovely wood floor had heaved in the month and half he was away even though well insulated. He figures he didn't allow room for "breathing" and also used some fancy long staples when nails would have been better. I feel more badly for him than myself as he has to go back to Labrador tomorrow ("Big Money") and won't be back to fix the floor ("No problem - I'll take it all up and reinstall and not charge you")for another six weeks. He tells me he is poisoned at himself. Meanwhile the solar panel (imagine! no electricity bill!) works well and the rain barrel is installed.
The wee washroom is looking good apart from the fact I can't find a micro corner sink anywhere (6"-8") even in marine/nautical/RV suppliers. I saw a perfect one in my friends' washroom in Dublin but I lacked the tools to secretly pry it off their wall and into my luggage.
This too shall pass. One foot in front of the other. I am comforted to know that I am not alone. Your emails and comments are as a balm to my spirit and I thank you all. I find routine is a salvation. Doing the do things, suiting up and showing up. Sometimes mindlessly. But a far better choice than hiding, disengaged, under the covers hoping for the world to blow away.
Yeah, I drag myself around wherever I go too. Hang in there, Friend. This too shall pass and the sun will shine for you again. That's one of the good things about being our age. We know that neither the good nor the bad will last forever. We just enjoy it or damn it when it comes.
ReplyDeleteYes, Marcia, so true. I would just see everything in total black when younger and would get so frightened of the thought of eternity feeling like that.
ReplyDeleteNo more. One of the joys of the condition is that highs are felt more intensely.
XO
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Does Massage help lift your mood at all?
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you are having Tigeen problems. I know exactly the little hand-basin that you want, my friend has one in the loo under her stairs.
I lie low when my black dog visits and avoid too much contact with eejits. You're right, the world seems filled with them at that point.
ReplyDeleteAnd oh yes, what an effort everything is, you describe it so well. It's amazing that you manage as well as you seem to do. I just keep up appearances. It's all done with mirrors and trickery.
I know just the basin you want. We have them here by the toilets to wash your hands in. The toilets being separate little rooms from the bathrooms.
Keep up the courage. Sometimes cowering under the covers is okay for a while.
Much love,
XOX
I have got to say that sunshine helps me. In Hawaii, I get plenty of it, too.
ReplyDeleteWhat does not help me is alcohol. When I start feeling dragged down, I stop drinking that glass of wine in the evening, and after a week or so the heaviness lifts.
And pleasuring yourself is not a bad idea, if you don't mind my saying so.
i hide out back by our brook..i hope you feel better soon ♥
ReplyDeleteGM:
ReplyDeleteOh those little basins are scattered under the stairs all over UK and Ireland and for some reason have not been offered in North America at all.
As to massage, very good idea. I will try and find a good masseur in the city.
Thanks!
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Nora:
ReplyDeleteI find the cowering just defers my sticking it all together again. I am crying at the drop of a hat and having that awful free floating anxiety and just sadness. Doing the do is helping me a little to be mindless. From years of analysis, etc. I find that examination does not serve me well at all. Makes it worse. And under the covers makes it worse. For me.
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Hattie:
ReplyDeleteFirst giggle of the day (week?) thanks. I haven't had a drink in nearly 25 years so that not an issue. Today. I crave sugar which is also a no-no for me so being bare naked without props is difficult when I am going through this kind of grief. Grief is a good word, I think.
I must find a healthy sedative - and will keep yours in mind....LOL.
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Gee Twain, I must find a hidey hole, here I have the vast beach but no little cove to put muself away in. Once The Tigeen is finished I will have the perfect spot. Hidden in plain sight.
ReplyDeleteYour brook sounds perfect.
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Running away from it all is such an attractive thought that it is never too far from mine. I don't do it because, I will have to get dressed to it! Not that I am undressed otherwise, but, I am in my lungi and vest most of the time. Perfectly acceptable attire in India for the home but not for going out.
ReplyDeleteSorry to read about the floor probs in your Tigeen. Must be the sea air? You can always run away (a little bit)to that little hideaway.
ReplyDeleteWhen I feel like running away (frequently) I start planning a trip. Sometimes the trips materialise, often they don't, but it's a nice distraction. :-)
Can't say I'm impressed by Gordon's carpentry expertise. Didn't allow room for breathing? Used staples instead of nails? Does he really know what he's doing? Or was he just unlucky? Anyway, glad the tigeen is progressing.
ReplyDeleteI normally don't tolerate fools well but at the moment I am just about hissing when confronted with one.
ReplyDelete**tip-toes quietly out of comment box**
Sx
Just thought I'd pop in and say hello as I always enjoy your comments on Nick's blog.
A friend of mine commented to me the other day that I am much more compassionate and understanding when I'm not feeling this way...that with 'this' me, things are much more cut and dried, which often leaves her feeling stung...
ReplyDeleteRamana:
ReplyDeleteOh I like that, too to much trouble to get dressed and run. LOL.
T:
Good idea, I need to write down where I'd like to run to and then fantasize every detail of it.
Nick:
He was advised to use this new type of gun and staples especially designed for flooring. He is cursing the person who advised him. He's feeling really badly about it all, worse than me, and now he's gone off to Labrador for another 6 weeks. I am disappointed about losing rental income though :(.
Miss S:
Visit any time, mutual admiration going on the comments!
BG:
The word beeyotch comes to mind, I feel it in myself and can't stop it. Not fit to socialize and people keep trying. I prefer my kinder gentler self and wish she'd come back for a visit.
XO
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You are brave to share your troubles and your moods. God bless
ReplyDeleteFreda:
ReplyDeleteThe bonus of being anonymous!
Thank you.
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How annoying about the floor :-( I'm glad that he isn't going to charge you extra for fixing it.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about not tolerating fools. My patience for idiots plummets when I'm going through a bad patch - it seems to be a lot harder to keep a civil tongue in my head (which is not a good thing when you have to work with said idiots every day...)
I hope that the black dog doesn't stay for too long - sometimes the only way of pushing him out of the door is to keep on putting one foot in front of the other until he gets the hint.
I just find it hard to drag myself out of bed and indulge in the mundanities of life rather than the higher arts I'd like to devote myself to. Luckily the feeling tends to pass once I am 'up and at it' as they say. Sorry to hear you evidently suffer from a more severe form. Hope it passes very soon. Lx
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