Here is a link to a true story I wrote about the betrayal of a friend. It is in two parts with a continuation at the bottom of part 1.
There is nought as queer as folks, yeah?
A week ago, I received a friend request on Facebook from the one who betrayed me:
OMG. I don't believe it! I had no idea where you were. I only joined facebook last month -actually one of my friends got so fed up she created my account and told me to get on with it. How are you doing? Knew it was you when I saw your facebook page. Ted showed up on people you might know on Carrie's and from that you showed up. Nfld??? Remember my cousin Meghan - used to be married to my cousin David (cop)? Her sister Doris has been living there since 1988....enough.. hope you are not too busy to keep in touch. Ilona
I ignored it. What greater rebuff can there be?
Then today I received this:
I have not had a reply to my message so I don't know if you are busy or don't want to keep in touch. I am living in Lxxxx now (since 1988) and don't bother going to Toronto much. I miss the Bxxxxx from time to time but not much else. I am now in my own place and setting up my art studio. It feels good to be finally doing what I want to do - it only took 40 years. If you are interested I have posted some of my art work on my facebook and I have been creating the posters, etc. for the Pxxxxx Theatre here. Some of the posters are also on my facebook. I was going to ask about the girls then realized that they are not girls anymore!! Bit of a shock that. I don't feel any older apart from a few creaks and that the gray hair is just making me more blonde...I don't ask opinions on that I will be happy to live in denial a while longer. Let me know how you are and take care. Ilona.
Names are redacted to protect the guilty.
"Keep in touch?"
What do you think?
She seems to be oblivious of her crime. It may be worth it to get in touch with her. Aren't you a little curious? You are separated by miles.ReplyDelete
I think that you have to re-evaluate her "betrayal." You were done with Ted, weren't you? Weren't you a little drastic?ReplyDelete
I would be very tempted to ignore the messages for a few weeks then quietly block the sender when things quieten down.ReplyDelete
I take it that she was one of the women who participated in the pact that you not date your friend's exes? If so, that was an outrageous betrayal. If not, still a pretty questionable behavior. But given the rest of her decision making, in keeping with her character. I'd probably either continue to ignore her or just go on and block her. Unless you just want to tell her why you have no interest in staying in touch, since she's clearly too oblivious to discern it on her own.ReplyDelete
I went back to read both the earlier posts and am amazed at the powerful story. Things like that happen here but somehow one does not expect the same in Canada, though possible in the USA and the UK! I suppose that human beings will be human beings wherever!ReplyDelete
I suspect that apart from all other character defects, this lady would appear to suffer from a very bad memory/attention span.
To answer your question, Bob is your uncle, I would not, not even with a barge pole!
just not the kind of person anyone want to know.block her from f'book and put her out of your mind..as in 'she fell off the planet'ReplyDelete
She sounds very needy, I suspect she was a neglectful mother because she herself was neglected. In any case, regardless of her bad behaviour I would avoid her. Her neediness does not sound like it has abated, and an explanation would only invite yet more communication.ReplyDelete
I really, REALLY like cliches.ReplyDelete
Here are a few of my favorites:
Once burnt, twice shy.
What you see, is what you get.
Stay away from losers.
I think her code of ethics is quite different from mine. She is oblivious and who needs her?
I place a huge value on my female friendships and boinking their men, whether they are "done" with them or not is not something I would ever do. And I can't even count the opportunities I've had. Seriously. My women friends come first. Always.
My thoughts exactly.
Telling her would not enlighten her. I am just so shocked she still thinks, after all these years, that was some thread to hang our connection on?
I would not even want her in my home.
I am always so delighted when men get the complexity (at times) of female friendships. Poaching each other's men (wedding days included, lol) is just not done if there is any depth to them. I imagine the same unwritten rule holds true for poaching other men friends' women.
My thoughts exactly.
She was an adored only child but I think this contributed to her narcissism and maybe lack of socialization.
I agree upon explanation, it solves nothing, her future behaviour would always be suspect and untrustworthy.
Even curiosity doesn't tweak reopening the door. I just don't care.
I'm coming from a place where her gall astonishes me.
WWW, when the person who has offended you so deeply is as unaware of her transgression as this one, there's no point in reuniting, Even if she'd started out with a heartfelt apology, 'm not sure I would bother. Maybe if you sent her a link to the two posts, she might get the message? ;)ReplyDelete
Then she would know how her groom behaved on her wedding day. I'm not sure I could do that to anyone. No, I'm not going to bother. I only posted to show how deeply disconnected some people are from their own hurtful actions.
I'm pretty sure that as you crossed her off your list a long time ago, she is going to stay off. And all her overtures to reconnect will be for nought, as you will ignore her.ReplyDelete
Yes, the WWW knows what to do!
Hugs to you.
Exactly. It was a surprise but not worth the trouble of enlightening her and no point to it.
Weird species we got goin'.
I wasn't suggesting you invite her in or renew a friendship - just saying that for some people, there's healing in saying what they want to say to someone who has hurt them. For others, there's blocking!ReplyDelete
Oh gosh. I've just read the two part betrayal story. It's sad. It makes me angry for you, but mostly it's sad, because it's the story of weak individuals who don't have any backbone. What happened to Ilona to make her grab the nearest man to what she perceived as the ideal? First Ian's brother and then Ted?ReplyDelete
But yes, golly, what a betrayal. And then she acts as if nothing has happened and wants to be friends with you on Facebook. I'd probably take a day or two to think it over, but in the end I doubt I'd do more than simply ignore the request. I doubt any good would come of letting her close to you again.
I get you. In her case saying what I would to her re her hurtful behaviour would have no effect and there would be the danger I'd blurt what happened on her wedding day.
It only took a few minutes really. What earthly purpose would it serve? I had never made the conneciton of her grabbing the nearest man before. Of course.
I could never ever trust her plus I'd never be able to climb over the baggage.