Wednesday, December 09, 2015

December 9th, 2015

A lovely comment on Facebook today from a friend who has an estranged member in her family also.

"I remain friends with her younger self."

Extraordinarily comforting.

My estranged child remains estranged. No change there. This is my annual post on her birthday.

But now, today, her younger self surrounds me, the witty, vibrant, artistic woman she was. She lived with me for close on 28 years. We read the same books, visited art galleries together, jointly wrote reviews of the best greasy spoons in Toronto: de rigeur: Formica, elderly crotchety waitresses in grubby uniforms, maroon lipstick, smokers' coughs, a belligerent unsmiling chef rolling out the bacon, eggs and homefries, and thirty year old hits on the table top juke boxes.

I would never have anticipated her cutting off her entire family and her oodles of friends. She was popular. She was brainy. She was loving. I joke that I wore her for the first 9 years of her life. She was always hanging off a part of me. The complete opposite of her older sister. She is somewhere in England.

And she is missed and loved every day.


  1. Dear 3W,

    Perhaps her estrangement had more to do with her than with any of you. I hope one day she will understand that you love her and that she can love you without fear. I do not know her situation but what I do know is the experience of being the estranged daughter of someone who could never give me what I needed and whose slim apology when she was dying was the closest admission of this she could offer.

    I accepted this with grace and it made all the difference to my life and perspective. If I were able, I would tell your precious girl not to wait until you pass away. I hope she doesn't.

  2. That is indeed a lovely statement to make about someone who is estranged. What can one say about such heart breaking situations? I ache with you WWW.

  3. This is comforting. I, too have an estranged daughter. 7 years next May. Bipolar disease has taken our child and left someone else who feels no connection to any of our family. She is here in our town. Much missed and much loved.

  4. Hopefully your prodigal daughter will one day come back to you. Anyway ... sure is cute!

  5. What a sad thing for a mother and daughter and her sister. May her heart open up to you soon.

  6. There's nothing I can say that makes this better, of course, and no advice I have that would have any experience or authority behind it. One of my brothers tells me not to say "I'm sorry" when I'm facing someone who is grieving, but I do wish you weren't experiencing this. I am sorry you are.

  7. Very sad. Families are complicated, aren't they? My sisters are estranged. Have been for years.
    Hope things change for your sweet daughter.


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